Ep. 542 When Christians Fail You: Trusting God in the Aftermath of Betrayal

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Shows Main Idea – When someone experiences deep betrayal at the hands of Christians, it can shake their faith to the core. They may wonder how God could allow such evil, why He did not intervene, and why those who did wrong seem to have escaped justice. These are honest struggles, and they should not be dismissed with shallow responses to hurting people.

You may want to read:

• Connecting the Gospel to Evil and Unfairness
• Bitterness Is Self-Induced Poisoning of the Soul
• Why You Can Trust God When He Withholds Your Desire

Show Notes

I have a hard time understanding how God opens doors and provides, as well as prevents. That has not been my experience. Christians devoured me. They mocked me and laughed at me after the fact. I saw an evil side. It was confusing. I lost my faith for 30 years. I know the world is evil. I have a bad taste in my mouth for those scriptures. I don’t understand why God lets these things happen. He does not intervene; He does not protect; He does not provide. I don’t understand how they got away with what they did. – Questioning Christian

One of the most painful aspects of this kind of suffering is the confusion it brings—especially when it involves people who claim to follow Christ. If God is good, why would He allow His people to act in such destructive ways? But Scripture never paints an unrealistic picture of humanity, even within the church. Jesus Himself warned that wolves would come in among the sheep (Matthew 7:15) and that not everyone who calls Him “Lord” truly belongs to Him (Matthew 7:21-23). Paul grieved over false teachers rising from within the church (Acts 20:29-30), and many of his letters address the damage done by professing believers. The reality of sin in the church does not mean God has failed; it confirms what He already said—evil exists, even among those who claim His name.

But knowing that doesn’t remove the pain. It doesn’t change the fact that real harm was done. So, where does someone go with that suffering? Some “lose faith” altogether, which is actually walking away from Christianity, though true Christians cannot lose their faith. They believe that if God’s people have acted wickedly, then He must not be present or faithful. Others turn bitter, holding onto resentment and letting it define their view of God. But there is another way—the way of Christ.

Jesus was also betrayed. He was mocked, falsely accused, and abandoned by those who claimed to love Him. He understands what it is to be sinned against. And yet, He entrusted Himself to the Father, knowing that God’s justice is not always immediate but is always certain (1 Peter 2:23). No one “gets away” with evil. Either they repent, and Christ bears their judgment, or they will answer for their deeds before God. Justice belongs to the Lord (Romans 12:19), and He will not overlook what has been done.

But beyond justice, there is something deeper—God’s ability to restore. Suffering does not have to be the final word. While people may fail, God does not. He is still working, even when it is hard to see. He still provides, even if it is not in the ways expected. And He still redeems, bringing purpose even out of suffering. The challenge is to trust Him, not based on how well people represent Him, but on who He has revealed Himself to be.

If you know someone struggling this way, the goal is to reconnect them with Christ personally before addressing their relationship with the church.

1: Come Back to Christ, Not Just the Church

Before discussing church involvement, focus on their relationship with Christ. Encourage them to go to Him with their suffering, anger, and questions. A good place to start is reading through the Psalms, where David and others pour out raw, honest struggles before God (Psalm 13, Psalm 73). Help them see that God does not dismiss their grief—He invites them to bring it to Him.

• Practical Step: Ask them to read a specific psalm each day and write out their honest prayers to God in response.

2: Separate Christ from the Failure of People

Many who walk away from the faith do so because they equate God with how His people behave. Challenge that assumption. Help them refocus on the person of Jesus—His character, His faithfulness, His love. Studying how He handled betrayal and suffering (especially in passages like 1 Peter 2:21-23) can reframe their perspective.

• Practical Step: Go through a Gospel together (perhaps John or Luke), focusing on Jesus’ interactions with broken people and how He responded to those who failed Him.

3: Address Bitterness and the Trap of Isolation

Lingering resentment often keeps people stuck in their pain. While what happened to them was wrong, holding onto bitterness allows the offenders to continue shaping their lives. Forgiveness is not excusing sin or forgetting—it is entrusting the offense to God’s justice and refusing to let it define them (Romans 12:19).

• Practical Step: Ask them, “What would it look like to release this to God?” Encourage them to write down what happened, acknowledge the hurt, and then surrender it in prayer. This step is a process, but it is necessary to move forward.

4: Rebuild Trust in the Church Slowly and Wisely

Pushing them to “just go back to church” too soon can backfire. Instead, help them take small steps—perhaps starting with listening to biblically sound teaching or engaging in one-on-one discipleship with a mature believer. The goal is to rebuild trust in God’s design for the church while recognizing that not every gathering of Christians will look like the one that hurt them.

• Practical Step: Help them find a solid, gospel-centered community that is not based on perfection but on humility and accountability. Offer to visit with them or connect them with someone trustworthy.

5: Show Them a New Way to See Their Story

Their past does not have to be wasted. God often uses suffering to shape us into more Christlike, compassionate people (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). When someone begins to see their pain through the lens of God’s sovereignty rather than just injustice, they can start to move forward with purpose.

• Practical Step: Ask them, “How might God use your story to help others?” Sometimes, seeing a redemptive purpose in suffering helps loosen its grip.

Final Thought

Restoring faith after betrayal takes time, but the goal is not just to get them back in a church building—it is to help them trust Christ again. The church, as broken as it is, is still God’s plan for His people. With wisdom, patience, and a focus on Christ first, they can take steps toward healing and community without minimizing the real harm they experienced.

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).