Eight Ways to Practice and Enjoy an Effective Prayer Life

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Prayer is every believer’s desire and opportunity, but many Christians struggle to have a consistent and dynamic prayer life. That’s why I want to share eight practical tips to help and guide you as you think about one of the most crucial things we can do regarding our relationship with God. These thoughts are what I told a friend many years ago when he asked about praying well. Here is his original question.

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• The Care of Souls Is Mostly About Prayer and Prophecy

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On Praying Well

I have a question regarding the daily discipline of prayer, hoping to gain a perspective from others. Since God saved me about ten years ago, I have been deeply convinced to pray. As a new convert, I asked others how they prayed and read books on this vital subject. Unfortunately, a legalistic environment had poorly nurtured my ideas about prayer for too many years. It became an issue. If I missed my morning prayer time, I would be depressed all day because I believed I had lost God’s favor. I would not have said that, but it is how I lived. I still struggle with it today. Over the last few years, as I have begun to rethink and understand the gospel better, I have tried to remind myself, by God’s grace, that grace through faith leads to salvation.

Even when I have not prayed as I ought, I have said, “Lord, thank you that I am no less your son. Though I’m rushing right now, I can have joy in believing, regardless of my prayer life.” Though those things are real, my deep conviction to pray has never left, and I often find it hard (though I hate to say it) to fit prayer into my life. At this season, I feel swamped. My schedule makes it hard to pray consistently. If I let the day get away from me, it is hard to stop and spend quality time in prayer. This routine can drag on, and I begin to feel worse and worse.

• Do you think I should toughen up, live on less sleep, and get up early?
• Should I rearrange my work schedule if I can?
• Should I learn to turn every distraction off at some point during the day other than in the morning and seek God then?

I understand that Jesus saved me and is always with me. My relationship with the Lord is the greatest treasure of my life, and I am willing to change what I have to. I would love some help with my prayer life.

– Struggling Friend

1. Our Common Struggle

An inconsistent or non-existent prayer life reminds me of athletes who do not stretch before they run. Most runners do not. Running is the main thing; stretching is a mundane precursor to the main thing. When it comes to praying well, engaging your day is the main thing; prayer is the mundane warm-up, but if it is valued, it will make the race a more enjoyable experience. Though we know this, we may be similar to my friend, struggling to appreciate prayer enough to implement it into the fabric of our daily lives. I have given much thought to my prayer struggle because I have experienced it since the Lord regenerated me in 1984. I want to share with you what I told my friend, the eight things that come to mind when I consider improving my prayer life. I hope they will help you in your walk with the Lord.

2. Stop Praying: Start Talking

First, I recommend you move the word prayer to the back of your vocabulary list—at least for now—and replace it with talk or talking to the Lord. The Lord is a person, not an object. I think sometimes we think about the Lord the same way other religions bow to their objects and idols. Bowing and talking to an object is like talking to a signpost. It is an impersonal, unidirectional communication that is not warm or reciprocated. Prayer can connote that attitude for some individuals: God is a distant deity rather than a sympathizing friend. This pagan worldview makes prayer colder than ice and chore-like rather than a lively, robust conversation between two people.

3. Be God’s Friend

Abraham believed God, which was counted to him as righteousness—and he was called a friend of God 
(James 2:23).

I recommend you use the word “friend” for how you think about the Lord. You can think about Him in many ways, which you should, but what if you make the word friend common speak when you think about Him? Jesus wants us to think of Him as a friend (John 15:15). This friendship helps to soften the righteous rigidness from a former legalistic presupposition and worldview. The Lord is both transcendent and immanent. You hold Him in awe, power, majesty, and wonder, and He understands your most painful struggles and frustrating temptations. God is not like us, and He is near us. Based on what my friend said about his legalism, I imagine it’s more comfortable for him to think of the Lord in a courtroom rather than a living room. He will have to reverse this, especially when thinking about prayer.

4. Unlimited Talk Time

Though you may not be married, I will use a marriage analogy here. In the context of this chapter, I think about the Lord in a similar way that I think about my wife. She is my friend, my best friend in life. I talk to her throughout the day, at different times, and through various means: phone, text, and verbally. I think about her often because she is my partner. I have pictures of her on my desk and in my heart. This ever-present awareness is how I engage the Lord. I do not phone or text Him, but I regularly engage Him throughout my day with short messages (prayers) or more protracted talks (prayers). You must make this your habit.

5. Talk about Everything

If you have an unlimited talk plan with the Lord (which you do), don’t worry about using up your minutes: Talk to Him about everything at any time. Isn’t this what you do with best friends? If you have an idea, share it with the Lord. You will never talk too much to God. Create that kind of talk habit. Let Him become your best friend with whom you want to share all your thoughts. That means you are asking Him for things to come and thanking Him for things provided. Tomorrow, as you go to work, ponder your life; thank Him for what He brings to mind. Talk to Him. Ask questions. Practice gratitude.

6. Structure and Spontaneity

Sometimes, my wife and I cannot find adequate time to talk. Even so, that does not alter our relationship. Recently, we chatted from 11:30 PM to 1:30 AM. We talked about life, family, friends, and how to live well with others. It was a great conversation. It was satisfying and spontaneous. We also have scheduled date times analogous to dedicated prayer times in a “closet.” Typically, we will go to a diner or coffee shop. It is rarely about the place but about being with each other. We are friends who talk to each other at different times, in different ways, about different things. The Lord is your friend, and you must speak to Him in various ways about various things. Some of your time with Him will be structured, dedicated prayer times, but most of your talk times should be spontaneous. If you pray in a structured context for fifteen or twenty minutes, you will have fourteen to eighteen hours of random talk time left to enjoy.

7. Free from Legalism

Legalism is the bane of praying. It will choke the life out of your prayers while filling you with doubt, striving, and frustration. Praying every day at the same time in the same place is not a bad idea, but it should not be a hill of legalism to die on because it is impossible. As much as I love my wife, I cannot maintain that kind of commitment to her. Prayer is not a competition with yourself to be perfect but only part of your relationship with the Lord. If your time with Him morphs to the point of legalistic conditionalism, your relationship will struggle. If you are able to pray every morning at a particular time, by all means, pray then. But do not let that time define your relationship with the Lord. Do not think He is displeased with you if you miss it. That is not how you define a loving relationship.

8. Be Dependent

One of the ways I talk to God is when I write. I write as though the Lord is at my elbow. I ask Him about the content I am creating. For example, I asked Him what I should say about praying. When I finished, I thanked Him for how He shaped my thoughts. That is one way I can demonstrate my dependence on Him. Think about how you can create opportunities to show your dependence on Him. Ask Him for help regarding all matters of life, big and small. Some of those times will be structured prayer moments, but most will happen in the milieu: the day-to-day contexts in which you live. “In the milieu” praying means keeping in step with the Spirit. With each step you take, your best Friend is at your side.

Enjoy a Variety

There are at least four kinds of prayers you might want to consider: Wow, Help, Thanks, and Please. Think through how you can implement all of them into your life.

• “Wow, dear Lord, you are amazing.” Wow-type praying is when you are overwhelmed by the Lord’s kindness, greatness, and all-powerfulness. When the finite tries to wrap his brain around the Infinite, he can only prostrate himself on the ground in stunned amazement.
• “Help me, dear Lord. I need you.” This type of praying gets at the heart of your desires and needs. You are in that place again where you need help and know the only person who can help is God Almighty, so you ask Him to impose Himself into your life and situations.
• “Thanks, Lord. You are so kind to me.” Then, there are gratitude prayers. This one should be rolling off your tongue every waking hour. There is never enough time on any given day to thank the Lord for all you have experienced from Him. Gratitude praying should be the most frequent praying you do.
• “Please help my friend.” One of the highest honors you can bestow on a friend is to take their needs to the King of the universe. This kind of praying is Christlike, as you imitate the One who intercedes for us. Whether in times of structured or spontaneous moments, earnest prayer for others is a gracious gift to your friends and a sweet aroma before the Lord.

Call to Action

1. Stop right now and talk to the Lord. Say something to Him. Right now!
2. Do you experience the Lord more in the courtroom or the living room? Why did you answer the way you did?
3. Ask the Lord to change your talk plan to an unlimited plan.
4. After you finish this chapter, thank the Lord for what you read and share a useful thought with Him.
5. Where is your structured place of prayer? If you do not have one, create one.
6. If you pray and have a good day, did you have a good day because you prayed? What if you did not pray and had a bad day? Did you have a bad day because you did not pray?
7. What hinders you from being God-reliant over self-reliant regarding your prayer life?
8. How are you doing with these four types of prayers: Wow, Help, Thanks, and Please? How do you need to change?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).