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Who are your friends? How do they help you mature in Christ? What contexts have you created that help you pursue Christ together? Take a look at this verse about the importance of companions. You may want to read: The Benefit of Being Intentionally Intrusive… Continue Reading …
What if your husband was awesome? What if your wife was awesome? How do you help your children to live in awesomeness? These are important questions, and, fortunately, the Bible does not leave us in the dark when it comes to being remarkable individuals. You… Continue Reading …
Show me a person’s friends and the content that he consumes, and I will tell you what kind of individual he is. The quickest and most straightforward way to know a person is by assessing their relationships and the things that they put into their… Continue Reading …
Travel Update – On June 1, 2019, our family set out for a 60-day trip through Florida. The purpose of this travel season was to speak, counsel, consult, and connect with churches, key ministry leaders, and donors who support this work. You may want to… Continue Reading …
Some conflict does not end with an agreement. There are times when the best you can do is “agree to disagree.” As you think about this popular cliche, it’s vital to start with your heart motivations rather than the thing that is dividing you. In… Continue Reading …
The Father regenerated me when I was 25 years old. My parents did not rear me in a Christian home, and you could describe my childhood years as dysfunctional. My parents could not have done a more mediocre job, but the Lord chose to save… Continue Reading …
When a problem happens or someone does something to hurt you, where do you begin working through this relational problem? What is your starting point? May I make a suggestion to help you work through hurts, whether they are of your making or what someone… Continue Reading …
Nobody loved people more than Jesus. Nobody was less controlled by people than Jesus. He found and lived in the perfect relational sweet spot of, “I love you, but you will not control me.” How about you? You may want to read: Do You… Continue Reading …
If God is good, why is evil in the world? How can these two things—good and suffering—exist at the same time, especially if there is a loving and omnipotent God? A glance around the Internet says evil is in our world that is increasing, and… Continue Reading …
Mailbag – Will you write about the differences between the secular view and biblical view of ADHD and depression? I would like to know if there are ever times when treating with medications are appropriate. I have multiple friends dealing with these issues. Thank you… Continue Reading …
A blogger’s nightmare is when a person reads their article, pulls a point from it, and responds unkindly to the post. It often happens after I have posted a blurb on Facebook. Someone will respond uncharitably without doing the work of understanding the context or… Continue Reading …
How you answer this question will impact the quality of your life on earth. Do you believe God sends people to hell, or do you think hell is the result for people who reject God? You may want to read: Sovereignty and Human Responsibility “I Am… Continue Reading …
Part of God’s kindness to us is that He wired us to be habitual people. Habits are excellent because they make us better people. Of course, the opposite is also accurate in that habits can be our worst nightmares. You may want to read: Ten… Continue Reading …
Biblical counseling has generally been part of a two-tier Christian system: those who can counsel and those who cannot. The average Biff, the pew sitter on Sunday morning would more than likely recommend a counselor to someone than offer counsel to them. You may want to… Continue Reading …
Paul tells us in Philippians 2:3-4 that we should count others more significant than ourselves. He presses the point further by saying that we should not only look to our interests but the interests of others. This perspective, in his view, is what it means… Continue Reading …
God provides ordinary disappointments for us to live out our faith while taking those everyday moments to do extraordinary things. Do you believe the Lord can use your regular life and typical troubles and do extraordinary things? You may want to read: The Anniversary of… Continue Reading …
Every discipler knows that they cannot change anyone. This worldview becomes acute when you’re trying to help someone transform. Though you cooperate with the Lord in the “change process,” only He can grant repentance. This case study presents this dilemma with an angry, stubborn couple.… Continue Reading …
Would it be better to have a Bible or a mentor? You might think this is a trick question, though it is not meant to be. The potential dilemma is intended to provoke you to think first, respond second, and discuss thoroughly. The obvious answer… Continue Reading …
The quiet husband, father, or friend is not the most authentic picture of Christ. Biblical leadership is verbal because to lead well requires words. God leads us with His Words; He is a talking God. If you want to impact and guide others, you must… Continue Reading …
A few years ago, Lucia bought four milkweed plants and eleven caterpillars for our children. It was one of those science experiments in our laboratory, also called our home. And, per usual, God had additional plans for us. Going above and beyond our expectations is… Continue Reading …
From the New York Times Magazine article, Coveting Luke’s Faith. This commentary provides excellent insight from a practicing atheist rearing a son, Luke, who is not embracing her atheistic faith. She is “open but cautious” as she strains to understand what is happening with her son. You may… Continue Reading …
Imagine being untethered from the controlling opinions of others. Imagine not thinking about what other people think about you. Imagine being so connected to God that your daily experience is the enjoyment of His pleasure. You may want to read: A Practical Plan to Break Free from… Continue Reading …
When a person says that they failed as a parent, they are sharing the concern of every parent. Though parental failure can differ significantly, none of us do it ideally, which is why you want to think about your limitations and imperfections, as well as… Continue Reading …
Being rule-centered may bring pseudo-comfort because you are living within a “secure structure of codes,” but it will suffocate the life that God could give you if you were willing to walk in the Spirit. Rule-based living is a self-reliant way that leaves you in… Continue Reading …
There are three stages to the Christian life. They are the innocent, naive stage. And then the complex, suffering stage. If you trust the Lord through your season of complexity, you will experience the restful and wisdom stage, which will be where you’ll find your… Continue Reading …
The things they did not tell me when the Lord regenerated me would have affected my decision to become a Christian—humanly speaking, of course. Looking back on it now, I’m glad the Lord did not give me a peek into my future because I probably… Continue Reading …
Is this statement true or false? Love is a commitment accompanied by action with no expectation of anything in return. The answer is “false” because loving someone should come with the hope that the other person will reciprocate your love. To think otherwise would be… Continue Reading …
If you knew of a person or a group of individuals who were being deceived by someone, would you choose to mock them or their leader as a way to win them to the truth of God? You may want to read: Why Do You… Continue Reading …
Becoming a Christian does not remove the fear of being rejected by others. Christianity provides you with a new people group and new opportunities to belong, but it does not mean you are to live with your new friends while wearing a mask. I did… Continue Reading …
If you sin but choose not to get rid of it by repenting, there will be an adverse effect on your soul and relationships. Mercifully, Christians can accept the “punishment of Christ” for their transgressions. But what about non-Christian children? This problem is why you… Continue Reading …
I interviewed my friend, Pastor Mike Hawkins, about his life, pastoring, counseling, and how our ministry intersects with him on a day-to-day basis. I have known Mike for a few years, and we have been in the trenches with many counseling situations. Show Notes He… Continue Reading …
Our memories can play tricks on our minds, and if we’re not careful, we can grow dissatisfied with our lives while giving too much thought to a past that was not how we had hoped. We may even revise our past—unwittingly—to fit a narrative we… Continue Reading …
Do you have unlimited time? Do you have friends with a lot of needs? If so, you’re blessed, and so are your friends. You have the time, and they have the issues—what a beautiful world. Sadly, I don’t live in your world. You may want… Continue Reading …
If your life was put in three different file drawers that represented your past, present, and future, which of the file drawers drains the most joy out of your life? For example, if there is a disruption of your contentment, it would indicate something has… Continue Reading …
You can trace a poor relationship with God to a child’s relationship with their dad. Though a bad dad is never the ultimate cause of a person’s problems, there is a connection between any father and God the Father. You may want to read: How… Continue Reading …
Building trust in any discipleship context can be a challenge. Some people’s hurt is so deep that they fortify their guardedness. Understanding the interpersonal dynamics between an untrusting counselee and the discipler is critical. You may want to read: One Reason Children Rebel Against Their… Continue Reading …
This podcast walks you through addictive behavior, specifically porn addiction, though you could apply these truths to anything that controls you, like overeating, shopping too much, or anger. Rick walks through the behaviors that need changing, as well as the heart (internal desires) that require… Continue Reading …
Seeking a king of your unique choosing is rejecting God—a decision that always leads to slavery. There is no other being that you can submit yourself to that will make you happy, even if that “supreme being” is you. You may want to read: When… Continue Reading …
I am not making a case for or against a college education. It is about creating a worldview for biblical discernment and effective parenting that best suits and equips a child, whether male or female, to glorify God in His world. You may want to… Continue Reading …
I sat down with Darrell Harrison and interviewed him on race-related topics that have been current and long-standing issues in our American culture. Darrell is a Christian black man who writes about race and culture. The six questions that I asked him are below. Part… Continue Reading …
One of the best ways to get our books into people’s hands is through reviews. If you have read one of my books, will you write a short book review on my Amazon page? Since 2008, I have been creating content for our site. Content… Continue Reading …
When your 3-year-old turns 27 years old, and he can only have one takeaway from your parenting, what would you want him to retain? What is the one thing that is more important than all the rest? You may want to read: Tips on Parenting… Continue Reading …
The apostle Paul gives you a profound and robust strategy to change your thought life. He goes so far as to say that how you think can not only improve your life but it can change the lives of others. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …
Presuppositional truth is vital when thinking about other psychologies outside the Bible. You must interact with the teachings in our world because nobody is unaffected by their perspectives, which is why your presupposition must be a “sufficiency of Scripture” worldview. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …
Insecurity, peer pressure, or fear of man has many names. You can examine yourself to see how much you struggle with insecurity. The labels below are synonyms or characteristics of what we call fear of man biblically. You may want to read: A Practical Plan… Continue Reading …
All sin is the same in that any transgression will put Christ on the cross, but all sins are not the same consequentially. Divorce is one of those sins that ranks higher from a consequential perspective. Adequately describing it is hard. You may want to… Continue Reading …
I have a like/dislike relationship with Facebook. On the positive side, I see Facebook as a great opportunity to stay in touch with family members and friends, especially those who live across the country or around the world. Facebook is also good, though not perfect,… Continue Reading …
When things in your life turn dark and difficult, how do you usually respond to those circumstances? When trouble comes, you will either experience guidance and protection from a biblical understanding and application of the fear of the Lord, or a sinful fear will complicate… Continue Reading …
Children are one of God’s many gifts to parents. As parents, we have the responsibility and the privilege to guide them into a practically biblical experience of knowing and loving God (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). Because they were born as fearful humans, a parent must understand a… Continue Reading …
One of the most common counseling questions I am asked, if not the number one counseling question, is, “What am I to do when (such and such) happens in my life?” Anxiousness about a future desired outcome is a common concern for all people. You… Continue Reading …
They say there are no perfect churches. But what if that church is yours? How do you respond to a church that does not do community life well? What if the leaders are not setting the right example? Here are a few things to consider.… Continue Reading …
How you think about a person, good or bad, will be evident to that person if you are close to them. You may be able to hide your authentic attitudes from those who are not your most intimate acquaintances, but for those you love and… Continue Reading …
If you are married, do you hate yourself? Let me ask it another way, “Do you dislike your spouse?” If you do struggle with your wife, you struggle with yourself because you’re not two individuals but one flesh. Your thoughts about your spouse reveal how… Continue Reading …
The path to dysfunction is unmarked and hidden. Nobody knows they are on it until it’s too late. There are subtle indicators, but we rarely discern them. The most apparent one is an “I deserve better” attitude, which is what happened to Biff. You may… Continue Reading …
If you had the opportunity to confront a person about a mistake they made, how would you go about it? What are a few key things you should consider when facing a friend with their problem? May I suggest three vital ideas that you must… Continue Reading …
Frequently, our most pressing need is not our most important need. Sometimes God works in unsuspecting ways, maybe ways we did not perceive or even want. Ironically, His ways can seem foolish to the natural mind, as well as the spiritual mind. You may want… Continue Reading …
God will fully receive anyone who accepts what Christ has done on their behalf. It’s an incredible opportunity as Jesus takes all your sin and gives you His righteousness. But this gospel message is not practically transforming for everyone. Some Christians continue to live under… Continue Reading …
Imagine a person standing in the center of a universe that he has created. All of the roads lead to himself. To get near him is to be drawn into the vortex of his selfishness. Me, my, and I describe his primary relationships and daily… Continue Reading …
The most significant test to examine your maturity is how you responded when you did not get what you wanted, especially if what you hoped for was a good thing. Responding with humility to disappointment magnifies the strength of God through your weakness. And that… Continue Reading …
The counterintuitive irony of the gospel is that God calls us to a place of weakness so He can perfect His strength in us. This perspective sounds good conceptually, but it is hard to live out when you’d like to give someone a piece of… Continue Reading …
Member Question – I was recently divorced, and now I would like to remarry. I’m 42 years old and do not consider myself a serial dater. What advice would you give a person like me? I also have two children, ages 10 and 12. I… Continue Reading …
The purpose of the gospel loudly proclaims that hard, challenging, and sinful problems do exist. Because evil does exist, there must be a gospel solution, which is why evil and unfairness do not defeat the gospel-centered person. That kind of individual is hope-filled when they… Continue Reading …
Disappointment with God is one of the unmentionables in the Christian community. There are some things you don’t say out loud. It’s like family problems that some folks prefer to sweep under the rug. You may want to read: Abuse, Suffering, and Other Painful Disappointments… Continue Reading …
We surround ourselves with the things that we enjoy. The life we build around us reflects the values in our hearts. You’ll always find unity between a person’s inward desires and the life he lives, which is a good thing unless the inward value is… Continue Reading …
Both husbands and wives can be mean to each other. This truth is sad as well as a call to mobilize your attitudes and actions to come alongside the erring spouse. How do you do that? How do you care for a mean spouse? You… Continue Reading …
I want you to think about the last person who disappointed you. Do you have that person in mind? Great. What are your thoughts about them? How is the gospel guarding your mind from thinking unkindly or in other negative ways about that person? The… Continue Reading …
Being holy is not legalism. Being an obedient and disciplined Christian does not have to be legalistic either. If something is wrong, an overreaction to that bad thing is also an inadequate response. You may want to read: The Reason I Stopped Hating My Dad… Continue Reading …
In a perfect world, you can go the distance with any person who has sinned against you. Our problem is that we do not live in an ideal world. There are times when all you can do is forgive them, no matter how great it… Continue Reading …
The Apostle Paul was asking one of the most critical questions a Christian can ask another Christian–are you in the faith? How do you know? The real issue here is what does it mean to test yourself or to examine yourself and how do you… Continue Reading …
Individuals who accomplish great things are willing to step into uncertainty rather than sitting back and doing nothing. Most people prefer certainty because their fear is more significant than their faith. People who are open to uncertainty not only walk on the moon, but they… Continue Reading …
The Clemson Tigers defeated the Alabama Crimson Tide in the national championship game for college football. One of the star players for Clemson said that God wanted them to beat Alabama. Did God want Clemson to beat Alabama? Did God want Alabama to lose? You… Continue Reading …
An unprepared heart will not receive disappointment well. And when it comes, which it undoubtedly will, the temptation to become a cynic will be powerful. The cynic cocoons himself from hurt while distrusting the active goodness of God in his life. You may want to… Continue Reading …
Let me go ahead and say what many of you are thinking: trusting the Lord does not mean everything will go okay for you. There is a thing called “disappointment with God,” and if you do not know how to navigate this truth when your… Continue Reading …
Show me a happy person. Are they generous? Probably. Show me a discontented person. Are they selfish? Probably. There is a circular Bible logic that goes like this: God loves happy givers, and if God loves on a giver, the giver is happy. You may… Continue Reading …
The gospel is only radical when you bring its transformative power into your life and relationships. If any two people do what I’m suggesting here, they will experience the practical transformative power of the gospel in their lives. You may want to read: Rick’s 31-Day… Continue Reading …
Imagine the Apostle Paul coming to you with a thorn stuck in his flesh, metaphorically speaking, and wanting your help. What would be your primary goal as you try to serve Paul? Would you try to help him change his circumstances primarily, or would you… Continue Reading …
The animating center of your life should be a growing, adventurous, powerful, satisfying, and reciprocal relationship with God. If you are not incrementally and consistently heading in that direction, stop and turn around because you are going the wrong way. Let me explain how to… Continue Reading …
Self-righteousness is a sense of moral superiority that appoints us a prosecutor over other people’s sinfulness. At times, we can relate to hurtful individuals as though we’re incapable of the sins they commit, which is why governing our hearts is the first call to action… Continue Reading …
Thinking like a victim is easy to do. Becoming a professional victim takes more work, but it can happen, especially if you’ve experienced repeated hurt for an extended period. And even though you are suffering, the Lord is calling you to a better life, a… Continue Reading …
The Lord and the Bible will not work in the most effective ways if those two wonderful things are all you have. There seems to be a consensus of affirmation among many Christians who believe the Lord and His Word are all you need. The… Continue Reading …
Mailbag: Are the spiritual gifts to the elders sufficient to meet the church counseling needs? Should more elders acknowledge their God-given sufficiency to counsel? You may want to read: Did You Know There Is a Better Way to Do Counseling? Should You Have a Biblical Counseling Strategy for… Continue Reading …
If you are an excellent discipler, most of your “friends” will be folks who want something from you and are less inclined to give something to you. Like a man with a truck who has a lot of friends because of the service he provides.… Continue Reading …
One of the bigger misunderstandings in the church today is how some people believe that a personal relationship with God is a private matter. To these folks, to follow Jesus does not mean that you follow Him into a personal experience with other believers. You… Continue Reading …
Biff and Mable have pockets of silence between them. There are things Biff is thinking about, but he does not discuss them with Mable. There are things Mable is thinking, but she does not bring them up to Biff. You may want to read: Interview… Continue Reading …
Do you have a friend who could use your help? Are there some people in your sphere of influence who are not looking for your help, but you long to speak into their lives? You may want to read: How to Help a Person Get… Continue Reading …
We are totally depraved but uniquely fallen. Sometimes our unique fallenness can tempt individuals to give into the LGBTQ+ lifestyle. If you know someone struggling this way, this resource will help you to respond well to them. You may want to read: A Few Thoughts… Continue Reading …
All external, behavioral idols have the same insidious root cause—unbelief, or its synonym, self-reliance. The self-reliant spirit is not trusting God. If you don’t deal with this universal heart problem, you could easily stop one sin while jumping to a different idol. Have you ever… Continue Reading …
The gay guy says you cannot discriminate against him because he was born that way. To hate on him because of how God made him is wrong, and according to him, you should not punish, boycott, or deride him because of his identity. You may… Continue Reading …
Violence is born out of ignorance. It’s an ignorance that does not care to understand another individual. Without sympathy or understanding, it’s not possible to reconcile with someone who is different from you. You may want to read: Four Reasons You Cannot Reconcile with Someone… Continue Reading …
Our behaviors reveal our hearts. If you get a discerning handle on a person’s actions, you will find clues to what may be going on in their heart. This kind of careful consideration of others will position you to be a “more effective Jesus” to… Continue Reading …
When someone corrects you, and it hurts, one of the most significant tips for you to remember is that God has already said the worst things about you on Calvary’s hill. And with the most horrible comments about you previously communicated, you have nothing to… Continue Reading …
Your Christian friend is struggling and seemingly cannot change. Something has caught them (Galatians 6:1-2). Do you believe your friend can change? Perhaps that person is your spouse, child, parent, or church member. You may want to read: A Few Thoughts On an Unchangeable Situation… Continue Reading …
One of the most important responsibilities a man will ever have is the discipleship care of his wife. Apart from his affection for Christ and the attention that he provides for his soul, he does not have a more significant privilege. You may want… Continue Reading …
It is possible to be a Christian and struggle with personal problems. Distinguishing between struggling believers versus unbelievers who wrestle with similar issues is critical. You may want to read: The Danger of Asking Jesus Into Your Heart Daddy and Daughter Discuss Justification and Sanctification… Continue Reading …
An individual characterized by worry is a person who is uncertain if God will get things right. Not only is the worrier unsure as to whether God will get it right, but the worrier will typically take matters into their own hands. You may want to read: A… Continue Reading …
Member Question – I have a friend that I believe needs to make some changes in his life. How should I let him know what I am thinking? He is not sinning, but I believe he is making some unwise choices. If he changes, I… Continue Reading …
The peace of God comes to you in three ways. (1) God gives it to you. (2) You have to think about the right things to have God’s peace. (3) God’s peace will either be helped or hindered by those closest to you. You may… Continue Reading …
Recently, I posted a case study about honoring parents when you are married. This idea is a common question that counselors have asked me, hence the case study. You may want to read: Honoring Does Not Mean Giving Others Everything They Want Guidelines for Making… Continue Reading …
The gospel edge is a term I coined. It means you are allowing the gospel to cut away the things that hinder you from pursuing the Christlike life, which is the most dangerous and rewarding life that you will ever live. You may want to… Continue Reading …
Marriage counseling is the most common kind of counseling that I do. The reason for this is that marriages are the most common, long-term relationship between two people. Children typically leave home after a couple of decades. Siblings tend to separate from each other as… Continue Reading …
Parenting is challenging for every family, but it does not have to be an unresolvable puzzle. The Bible is full of information that can help any parent as they cooperate with God in this leadership opportunity. I’m going to share with you some of those… Continue Reading …
Being a believer does not keep sin from trying to capture you. Regeneration is the way to heaven, but you need more to live victoriously while on earth. Learning how to appropriate the gospel to your sanctification is vital for you to live well in… Continue Reading …
If you fornicated during your dating relationship, don’t be surprised when other sins happen after you marry each other, even adultery. If God does not impose Himself on both of you, life will only become worse between you, as this case study reveals. You may… Continue Reading …
It seems that nearly every person who becomes a believer and then walks away from their faith or away from the church does so because of disillusionment or disappointment. The simple response is to say that they never believed God, but that response lacks nuance… Continue Reading …
Moving forward in faith—believing God can do all things well for me— is one of the hardest things to do in our fallen world, especially when the decisions are difficult. Because of the complexity of deciding big things to move forward with life, the main… Continue Reading …
A person’s experience can be so powerful and painful that it discolors how they see life, even how they interpret God’s Word. Being blind to your blindness is the worst kind of blindness, which is where the feminist culture is today. You may want to… Continue Reading …
There is a gap between who we are and who Jesus is calling us to be. You’re working to close that gap, or it’s widening. It never stays the same. The issue is not so much about the “imposter” that is in you, but what… Continue Reading …
You cannot create unity from disunity. “Kind begets kind,” as the King James Bible tells us. What goes in will come out. If disunity is what is in your marriage, disunity is what will come out of it. You may want to read: The Danger… Continue Reading …
There is a temptation in all of us to keep certain things hidden from others. Our high sense of shame and self-awareness tempts us from the purpose of the gospel, which is transformation in a community of grace. You may want to read: Should I… Continue Reading …
Sometimes the Lord puts you in situations that humble you. Other times it’s your decisions that put you there, but either way, it’s critical to learn from these moments. The humbled heart is a grateful heart. How are your struggles teaching you a humility that… Continue Reading …
“Trust God” is an overused cliché that some folks often scorn as over-simplistic counseling advice that can, at times, come across as harsh or uncaring. Then again, to trust God is our greatest challenge as well as our greatest need. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …
From Mark Webb After giving a brief survey of these doctrines of sovereign grace, I asked for questions from the class. One lady, in particular, was quite troubled. She said, This is the most awful thing I’ve ever heard! You make it sound as if… Continue Reading …
One of the more interesting observations that I have made from years of counseling is how little I teach people about the truth of God’s Word versus how much time I spend helping them apply the truth of God’s Word. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …
Talking about change and being willing to change can be two different matters. If you have not prepped your soul for change, you won’t change. You may modify your behavior. You may be able to do damage control with your relationships, but transformation is a… Continue Reading …
The NFL ratings have dropped, and the “suits” are perplexed as to why people are disinterested in their game. Folks have offered many reasons, all of them carrying some merit. One of those reasons is the players they put on the field each week. You… Continue Reading …
What would you do if you had the opportunity to get even with someone who hurt you? What if the hurt was irrevocable? What they did to you changed you forever? What would you do? Would you want revenge? You may want to read: Rick’s… Continue Reading …
The words husband and leader are synonyms. To be one is to be the other. The question that you never entered into the discussion is whether or not a husband is a leader. The more relevant and practical matter to talk about is the kind… Continue Reading …
When my daughter was eleven years old, she asked, “If you do something wrong, are you still a Christian?” It was one of those “can you lose your salvation” questions. She asked it during a time when other things were going on, so I did… Continue Reading …
How can a good and loving God allow such a horrific event in my life? It’s a valid question. If you have not asked some version of this question, you have lived a charmed life, or you have a faith that all Christians desire. You… Continue Reading …
God’s Word is perfect for helping non-Christians. Learning how to use it to serve unbelievers is critical to your evangelistic efforts. Here are a few ideas to assist you in bringing God’s Word to bear on those who do not know Jesus. You may want… Continue Reading …
The most effective way to know if you can live out biblical love is when you find yourself in a relational context in which you are disappointed by someone. You may want to read: When Desires for Love and Respect Destroy Your Marriage Should… Continue Reading …
God’s grace is sufficient. God can change anyone. The Spirit can empower a person to change. God’s Word is sufficient. So why do some people not change? You may want to read: Seven Reasons a Person Will Not Change Should You Waste Time with Unchanging… Continue Reading …
Do you know how to distinguish between the symptomatic problems of a person and the “root cause” issues? A person can become so irritated with the frustrating behaviors of someone that they miss the real cause, which keeps them from providing grace-motivated, Bible-centered solutions to… Continue Reading …
If you are discipling someone, I’d like for you to share this article with them. You will not find better counseling advice than what I’m going to share. I have also included a few assessment questions that will help you to care for them more… Continue Reading …
Which is more important to you? To receive a leader’s attention or receive their care? What if you turned the question around and looked at it from your leader’s perspective? “What is possible: to give each person all your attention or to give them your… Continue Reading …
Football and other sports can be fun as well as a distraction to the Christian life. For me, it has become a distraction that needs more moderation. At the end of this piece, you can examine yourself as to whether or not you’re a sportsaholic.… Continue Reading …
Receiving counseling can be a good idea. But if you place the weight of your long-term change on a brief season of counseling, you will be sorely disappointed. Counseling office success should never shoulder the primary responsibility of transformation for anyone. You may want to… Continue Reading …
How you listen and respond to someone will determine the kind of help you provide. Everybody does not work through their problems biblically, which is why you must know how to come alongside the hurting so you can bring the best care to them. You… Continue Reading …
Everybody you love will not change into people that love God and others more than themselves. How you respond to this fact will determine the kind of rest you experience in your soul and how you relate to the unchanging person. You may want to… Continue Reading …
Every person that you meet will not change after you talk to them. Your dilemma will be deciding on how long you should continue with them or terminate your care for them. This issue requires wisdom, as each situation is different. You may want to… Continue Reading …
Does your wife show concern about what you do? Does she check up on you? Is she mostly aware or unaware of your thoughts and activities? Which of the following three categories best describe your wife’s attention to the details of your life? You may… Continue Reading …
Divorce is the worse thing that can happen in a marriage because it never ends. Death is final, but divorce has another life. And in that life, the ex-spouse can continue to complicate matters. In most of these situations, the problems have something to do… Continue Reading …
I had a conversation with two counselees, and the issue of lying came up. I mentioned to them that telling falsehoods is a regular part of my profession. It was a sad but true statement. You may want to read: A Practical Plan to Break… Continue Reading …
The path to a “small god” begins in childhood. It leads to self-reliant living, which is always destructing to relationships. The way out of this type of dysfunction is possible with a little help from competent friends. You may want to read: A Dad Is… Continue Reading …
Being married and being a Christian does not automatically mean you will connect and relate to your spouse at the most secret part of your soul, which is your intimate knowledge of and experience with God. You may want to read: Rick’s Book: Redeeming Talk… Continue Reading …
A counselee asked why I won’t counsel another way. She discerned a death feel to my counseling, and she was struggling. Though she does not disagree with my counseling approach, she did feel compelled to share her internal angst with me. You may want to read: Practical… Continue Reading …
To understand someone effectively, you have to listen on two levels. You listen to what they are saying, and you must listen at the heart level. There are two reasons you want to do this. You may want to read: Rick’s Book: Communication–Redeeming Talk Trouble Competitive… Continue Reading …
The question is, “Do I need to be certified to be a counselor?” The answer is, “No, not necessarily. You are already certified.” Let me explain, speaking from a Christian worldview. You may want to read: There Is No Passing Or Failing In Our Program… Continue Reading …
A desire to be understood can create a false continuum with some individuals. It happens this way: a person is so impressed with how someone understands them that they accept their solution for their problem without reservation. You may want to read: Personality Tests… Continue Reading …
Some of us are old enough to remember how our culture discriminated against the negro and gay community. All of us have seen how that has changed. We have now replaced the persecuted negro and gay guy. There is a new oppressed demographic. You may… Continue Reading …
As long as there is a sin, there will be divorce. Sin divides, and one of the places where it enjoys carving up relationships is the marriage bond. You could argue that divorcing is at the “head of the class” when cobbled together with all… Continue Reading …
Leading your family should not be a mystery because God has given us everything that we need for life and godliness. For most Christians, the issue is not a lack of knowledge but an unwillingness to apply the information that they already know. You may… Continue Reading …
What do McDonald’s, Walmart, your local high school, Christian school, any back alley, and your church facility have in common? I suppose there are several ways to answer this question. How about this? You can “make out” or smoke weed in any of those contexts.… Continue Reading …
Let’s say that you’re discipling an individual. How would you know when you’ve finished with them? What does comprehensive and completed discipleship look like practically? This mind map gives you a step-by-step sequence that walks you through a full discipleship process. You may want to… Continue Reading …
Parents have the opportunity to export security or insecurity to their children. The type of behavior they exhibit to their children will have a generational impact on them, either for good or evil. Shaping influences are powerful. Though parenting does not save a child, the… Continue Reading …
Biblical counseling has a place in our community. And as long as we keep it in its place while elevating a better “means of grace” for people to change, we will see more people changing. You may want to read: Do You Fight Fires or… Continue Reading …
This article is a response to my friend, who is working on his thesis requirement for his MA in Biblical Counseling. He asked my opinion on the necessity of a biblical counseling strategy for the church. Here are his questions: You may want to read:… Continue Reading …
When someone hurts you, the natural thing is to run from it. No person should submit to abuse. The danger is that we can run into another kind of trouble. This marriage storyboard walks you through this predicament. You may want to read: Four Steps… Continue Reading …
Have you ever wondered why you do the things you do? Have you ever wanted to change the way you are? I think most of us are this way. We know things about ourselves that we do not prefer and would like to change. That… Continue Reading …
Our culture is quite clear: the path to success is through education. No doubt, becoming smarter is essential, but academic equipping is not the most important thing according to God’s Word. For all of you students who did not make straight A’s this year, I… Continue Reading …
One of the most blessed things about the gospel is the transformation that it brings to us. And one of the most challenging things about the gospel is how many Christians find authentic and sustainable change elusive. You may want to read: Loving Me: The… Continue Reading …
Biblical shame is genuine. It was one of the first things that happened to Adam after he sinned against the Lord. His response to shame was to grab a few fig leaves, which began a cover-up process that we all emulate. You may want to… Continue Reading …
Your most satisfying relationships will be the ones you endured, not the ones you severed because the way became hard for you. This truth makes endurance an essential element to having fulfilling relationships. You may want to read: Why Close Relationships Become Hard Relationships The… Continue Reading …
Divorce is one of the most painful experiences in life. The aftermath can leave you lost, hurting, and tempted to walk away from the faith. I want to share six keys that will help you endure an unwanted divorce. You may want to read: God… Continue Reading …
What do you want to be when you grow up is one of the most mysterious questions you can ask a person. Planning your future is not an easy task. It takes time, insight, and wise advice. You may want to read: Let Me Teach… Continue Reading …
Divorce is an awful experience. It is one of the more dreadful events a person could ever endure, especially if the person going through the divorce doesn’t want it and is unsure how to proceed. You may want to read: Six Keys for Enduring an… Continue Reading …
It is easier to talk theology than to live it. It’s easier to talk about your problems than to do something about them. Sometimes it’s wise to put the Bible down, get up from praying and start living what you know. You may want to… Continue Reading …
The phone rang. Lucia picked it up but did not answer the caller. She handed it to me because she knew two things: It was probably about work, and my profession was more important than her and the children. You may want to read: A… Continue Reading …
Sound counseling can guide you, but it might not give you precisely what you want. These six things will help you to guard your heart as you make the most out of counseling. You may want to read: Mind Mapping How to Change from the… Continue Reading …
In some relationships, communication is more about winning and losing rather than understanding each other. Guarding hearts and harnessing tongues is hard. You may want to read: A Dad Is a Powerful Picture of God the Father to His Child Rick’s Book, Communication – Redeeming… Continue Reading …
A proactive plan to care for others assumes that you love people. If you don’t love people, your starting point is repentance. But if you do count others more significant than yourself, here are some helpful thoughts to motivate you to care for them well.… Continue Reading …
There are many sides to gossip. Sometimes it’s a sin. Other times it’s not gossip at all. How you think about and respond to what others say about you will make all the difference in the world. You may want to read: Ep. 450 How… Continue Reading …
One of the more common complaints I hear from spouses is when one of the partners in the marriage talks about being alone in the marriage. These lonely spouses perceive a seemingly invisible barrier between them. It’s a level of communication they cannot move past.… Continue Reading …
One of the more intriguing oddities that our psychologized culture has foisted on our Christian communities is their way of thinking about and explaining the reasons why people do what people do. I’m speaking primarily about psychologized personality tests. (In an employment environment, certain types… Continue Reading …
Member Question – I’m trying to help a wife figure out what to do with her future. She’s working on her marriage but wants to be used by God in ministry. And she desires to make money. What advice do you have for me? You… Continue Reading …
Transformation does not happen automatically or miraculously. If you want to change, you will have to challenge yourself at the deepest and most difficult level of your soul, and the two most fearsome hurdles you’ll have to cross are honesty and transparency. You may want… Continue Reading …
Doing things without thinking about what we’re doing is one of God’s greatest favors to us. It is a communicable attribute. God has given us the ability to respond as sentient creatures to the mundane things of life so we can spend our time thinking… Continue Reading …
Submission is a hot topic in today’s culture, but it’s nothing new for the Christian. The Bible gives us guidelines on how to think about submitting to another person, even unrepentant spouses. You may want to read: Rick’s Book: Wives Leading The Power of Unforgiveness… Continue Reading …
People are not mysterious. Where it matters, they are not different. The more you talk to people, the more you see the common threads that run through all of us. The good news is that you have what you need to understand others. You can… Continue Reading …
Future predicting is easy. It’s a remarkable gift the Lord gives to any person who asks. With this ability comes the privilege and opportunity to change your future as well as serve your friends in doing the same. You may want to read: The Most… Continue Reading …
Being a Christian is not all you need to have satisfying relationships if your Christianity does not connect you deeply with God and others. The Christian experience is spiritual first and functional second. If you’re not connected spiritually, your function will be religion and nothing… Continue Reading …
Some people do not have a biblical worldview on the family. For them, the family is always number one regardless. The Bible teaches a different perspective. Listen to the podcast You may want to read: The Danger Of Hating the Sin and Loving the Sinner… Continue Reading …
The noetic effect of sin means our thinking can be stinking at times. Humans, born in the image of God, fell into sin. Our fall broke the purity and clarity of the mind that God gave to us. We need a change of mind, which… Continue Reading …
Some individuals teach that you should forgive and forget. This teaching is correct within specific guidelines, but it can also be dangerous if you don’t talk among friends about what you did wrong. Without community, you may repeat the sinful behavior. You may want to… Continue Reading …
The first step in resolving relational conflict with someone is to examine your heart while addressing your attitude toward the person with which you have conflict. You may want to read: Rick’s 31-Day Marriage Devotional Rick’s 31-Day Parenting Devotional Rick’s 31-Day Teen Devotional If… Continue Reading …
Everyone is a victim. Nobody escapes this life without experiencing hurt from others. The real question is not whether someone has hurt you, but how you are responding with humility to God so you’re not controlled by what has happened to you. You may want… Continue Reading …
Your emotions can be good or bad, but in either case, they accurately reflect what is happening in your thought life. If the emotions are right, the person is thinking and responding correctly. If a person’s emotions are not biblically aligned with God’s Word, they… Continue Reading …
Often in counseling, a counselee will say something like, “You have not told me anything that I did not already know.” I’m not bothered or put off by their comment, but I do wonder if they already knew what to do, why aren’t they doing… Continue Reading …
Can God use sin sinlessly? Can God allow sinful things to happen to you? Can these sinful allowances be for your good? The answers to these questions are obvious. You may want to read: A Few Thoughts On An Unchangeable Situation How To Help a… Continue Reading …
To date or not to date is an interesting question the Bible does not mandate one way or the other. However, I have seen how serial dating can become the teen’s version of marriage and divorce. If done often enough, it sets poor relational habits… Continue Reading …
We don’t like thinking about our awfulness because we resist the biblical declaration that we’re rotten to the core (Isaiah 64:6). A person with a high view of himself gets hung up on his fallenness. Ironically, it is the acceptance of your wickedness that releases… Continue Reading …
Some phrases are so catchy that they become part of our Christian vocabulary almost without question. Over time, these sayings turn into clichés—short, memorable expressions that capture an idea. There is nothing inherently wrong with this form of expression. A well-crafted phrase can serve as… Continue Reading …
Pity is a feeling of sorrow that you express toward someone who has suffered loss. Self-pity is when the person you are pitying is yourself. The self-pitying person looks at himself and feels sorry for himself because he realizes he has lost something that he… Continue Reading …
What is the main thing that controls your thought life during any given day? When life goes sideways, what calms you down? Who or what stabilizes your soul when trouble comes? You may want to read You Know Your Faith Is Real When An Excellent… Continue Reading …
The resurrection of Christ that we celebrate every day was a huge problem when it happened. It was hard for them to fathom or accept. Things have not changed. Do you believe in the resurrection? You may want to read: He Is Risen Indeed. Now,… Continue Reading …
Few things in our culture today are sadder than the deterioration of the family. It matters no longer if you’re a Christian because that does not insulate you from sin’s encroachments. One of the more horrendous iterations of these attacks is when one spouse is… Continue Reading …
Surviving Suicide. Death. Look at that word. Say it out loud. There is nothing happy about the word. It is gray, dark, sad, and hopeless. It is unflinching and unyielding. It makes no apologies. It is the point of no return. It is the end… Continue Reading …
Spiritual abuse is a broad category in that it can encompass many different kinds of relationships, contexts, and situations. Wherever there is a two-tiered system of leaders and followers, spiritual abuse can happen. You may want to read: How to Make a Good Decision About… Continue Reading …
The progression from pain to purpose begins with God-centered thinking that elevates God over the suffering, which is the opposite of a problem-centered worldview. This perspective is the sufferer’s greatest challenge. You may want to read: When Obedience Collides With My Emotions Learning How to… Continue Reading …
Some of the unsung heroes in the Christian community are foster parents. One of the most beautiful pictures of the gospel you’ll see are parents laying themselves on the line for the sake of a helpless child. You may want to read: Rick’s 31-Day Parenting… Continue Reading …
Someone once said a rut is like a coffin with both ends knocked out. I’ve been in one of those coffin-like ruts. It’s an awful place to find yourself. My “rut” lasted nearly a decade. Seasons like these make walking with God hard. Prayers seem… Continue Reading …
Adultery is a “form of death” that causes a “grief” like something died. In a way, there was a death. The difference is that there can be a “resurrection” of the marriage, but that does not change the grief. You may want to read: How… Continue Reading …
My brother loved God and served the church; until he was disappointed by his pastor. He walked away from Christianity because he did not expect disappointment and he did not know how to handle it. He was murdered two years later. You may want to… Continue Reading …
It takes grace, courage, faith, humility, patience, and a passion for wanting to grow in your walk with God. And though it’s a counterintuitive worldview, suffering is one of the primary means the Lord uses to mature us. You may want to read: The Anniversary… Continue Reading …
When trouble comes, what do you do? When conflict happens, how do you respond? Let’s face it; turmoil is part of all lives. You may want to read: Double Confession: How to Respond When Sinned Against The Most Important Things You’ll Ever Learn to Change… Continue Reading …
Sometimes, God is provocative in how He responds to us. The degree of provocation or outrage from us is proportional to our understanding of Him and His good desires for us. You may want to read: Why We Should Embrace the Crucible Of Suffering God… Continue Reading …
It is crucial to accurately recognize how God is working in you during times of suffering. There is a greater temptation to see the pain in your life as something happening to you rather than resting in a great God who is doing something in… Continue Reading …
I’m 18 years old and have been thinking about becoming a biblical counselor. I love the Lord and would like to serve Him in some capacity. I also love the idea of counseling. What would you suggest for a person like me? You may want… Continue Reading …
You probably won’t find a guy at the local Barnes & Noble looking for a book on how to get a girl. Why? It’s not necessary: all guys know what they need to do to get a girl. You may want to read: From Dating… Continue Reading …
