Life Over Coffee | Blogroll

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Young Adult Devotion You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Young Adult Devotion Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:32). Christians enjoy and benefit from the gospel because of forgiveness (see Romans 10:9, 13).… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Young Adult Devotion Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. (1 Corinthians 11:1). The Bible is not a parenting book, so it gives little parenting advice. It is a relationship book. Rather… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Young Adult Devotion And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in… Continue Reading …

Marriage counseling has historically been the most common type of counseling I have done, which makes sense because the marriage relationship is unique in that there is not supposed to be an escape clause. Marriage is for life. This fact makes marriage the perfect context… Continue Reading …

Some husbands and wives can have a hard time putting a broken marriage back together. Typically, expectations and disappointments create a backlog of unresolved conflict. Unforgiveness sets in, the death toll to any relationship. When a couple gets to this point, pride becomes the unscaleable… Continue Reading …

The cross of Christ has wonder-working power. It can change you and your relationships, but the process is not a passive “let go and let God” exercise. If Christ’s cross is not a practical governing reality in our relationships, we will hurt those we love… Continue Reading …

No human has absolute authority over another. This perspective should be common sense, but it’s not for everyone, including Christians. A dictatorial husband and father can put wives and children in a difficult spot, which begs the question that folks have asked me for decades:… Continue Reading …

One of the problems with some marriages is a lack of respect from the wife for the husband. A proper probing question follows: what does that mean? Is her lack of respect the entire problem in the marriage, or are there other complexities that might… Continue Reading …

Sexual intimacy is one of the quickest indicators that reveals how a couple is doing in their marriage. Why? Because it is the most physical and intimate thing they will ever do together. It is different from talking, dating, dinner, or a movie. Sex requires… Continue Reading …

Most relationships begin with transparency, honesty, courage, and optimism. At some point, these things break down. The husband and wife drift from each other, and silence ensues. Even the best intentions derail if the couple does not know how to keep the transforming power of… Continue Reading …

Every home has a leader. Someone must be in charge while everyone else follows the de-facto leader. I’m speaking of hierarchy in relationships, not the equality among fellow image-bearers. These concepts work together, not creating tension but fulfilling the possibilities of a God-centered home. As… Continue Reading …

How do you know when a desire for love has changed into a need for love? It’s an excellent question, and the first place to begin a diagnosis like this is with anger. Anger is the quickest way to discern if someone’s craving for love… Continue Reading …

Even with the best intentions and truest love, a marriage can go to some dangerous and dark places. Ours went there, which is why I decided the best thing we could do is blow up our marriage, reboot, and start over again, hoping to rebuild… Continue Reading …

The best marriages are those in which each partner’s distinct uniqueness works in a beautiful symmetry that enhances the other’s strengths while compensating for their spouse’s weaknesses. The worst marriages are those in which partners do not know how to help each other become a mature… Continue Reading …

If you could live your life over again, how would you live it differently? What values would you instill to give yourself a meaningful life? What if you could instill those values now? An excellent way to think about these things is to ask someone—people farther… Continue Reading …

The whole world was at war in 2020. It was a war between good and evil. We understand skirmishes were between military combatants, but the purpose of this chapter is not between those warriors in the traditional theaters. I’m addressing those other warriors—those who might not… Continue Reading …

It is easy to make a decision when things seem clear and the future appears bright. With an optimistic heart, you decide on that thing, only to discover months or years later that it may not be wise to do what you did. What if… Continue Reading …

Every person has two heads. The human community is a world of two-headed people. James called our common-to-man predicament double-mindedness, just one of the characteristics that comes with our Adamic packaging. At times, we think and act one way, and at other times, we think… Continue Reading …

Have you ever tried to be perfect? Is it hard for you to let others know you messed up? Are you tempted to present yourself in ways that are not exactly true to who you are? Maybe when you think about others learning the real… Continue Reading …

You have made your decision in faith. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. Now you’re having second thoughts. Is it okay to change your mind? Or are you bound to the decision you have made with no other alternative but… Continue Reading …

Biblical decision-making is not that difficult if you are the only one making the decision. There are challenges, of course, but it’s much easier if you’re the only one affected by the decision you make. Once the number of contributors to the decision-making process increases and the… Continue Reading …

The gospel practicalized is a transcendent lifestyle that overrides cultural, political, and religious traditions, preferences, and expectations. The convolution between primary and secondary things can be dizzying, especially in a world that works overtime to invert what is good with evil. A practicalized gospel teaches… Continue Reading …

There are two large groups of people in America today. They are the winners and the losers. The happy and the sad. The glad and the mad. The hopeful and the fearful. Which one are you after an American election? What does the state of… Continue Reading …

Every four years in America, its citizens have the opportunity to vote for the next President of the United States. It’s the privilege of free countries where the political class serves the citizens, or that is what it says on paper. In America, it’s no… Continue Reading …

This presidential election cycle is my sixteenth. Admittedly, I do not remember the first one because I was one year old, and they would not let me vote. It was 1960. I do remember the second one in 1964, but I had no opinion other… Continue Reading …

Someone asked me why I share political messages on my personal X account. He then followed up by saying that politics stink. It was not one of those “stay in your lane” questions as much as it was a curious onlooker, a fellow Christian thinking… Continue Reading …

In the summer of 2018, we were visiting Lucia’s sister in Minnesota when she told us about a nearby Trump Rally in Fargo, North Dakota. Our van just so happened to need a repair, and Fargo was the nearest Toyota dealer, so we decided to… Continue Reading …

One of the striking surprises about the time we live is the imperceptible and incremental changes that happen culturally. Things move so slowly, and we’re so preoccupied that we don’t recognize shifts until we’re shocked out of our mundane lives. The evolution of marketing and… Continue Reading …

When mass shootings happen, many reasonable people stand on all sides of the gun control debate. Some folks want to limit the number of guns we have and how we use them. Others want to eliminate all guns. Then, some want more freedom regarding firearms.… Continue Reading …

There is a twist of irony when one person condemns another, even if the accusation is correct. Jesus was right when He said, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you… Continue Reading …

In 2020, the number one question circulating in people’s minds was, “Should I wear a mask?” Perhaps you wore one, and it was a non-issue. Praise God. I’m sure you were aware that many of your friends were not where you were. It never occurred… Continue Reading …

One of the most hotly debated terms this century is the word woke. It means to be aware, as in, “I have woke up to [this cause].” Formerly, you were not aware; now, you are. Woke is most often used in the context of what… Continue Reading …

Our country is in a tailspin. The most popular word for an immediate pathway to cancellation in America today is racism. Two hundred-plus years of striving and tension around race are spilling over into our streets and onto our social media platforms. The noise is… Continue Reading …

When it comes to human relationships and societal structures, there are threads of unity and discord woven side by side. It’s a delicate balance between building up and tearing down and often hinges on subtle attitudes and actions that can go unnoticed until the fabric… Continue Reading …

The Bible is clear: those who forget God will not endure (Job 8:13). This truth applies not only to nations but also to churches and individuals. God, who sits enthroned above the Earth, sees all inhabitants as mere grasshoppers (Isaiah 40:22). When a nation turns… Continue Reading …

Every day, you have to make many decisions, big and small. Some of them are life-changing events, while others aren’t as consequential. It would shock many of us to realize how often we decide things. From micro-decisions—those subtle, silent decisions—to life and family-altering decisions, having… Continue Reading …

When deciding anything, you must be in faith regarding that decision, which is why the most important question you will ever ask yourself when making a decision is, “Am I in faith to (insert the thing you’re thinking about) to do this?” Thus, having a… Continue Reading …

We will never forget the tragedy of 9/11. Most of us who are old enough remember exactly where we were on that tragic day. I was sitting in my counseling office at our local church, staring blankly at a TV screen as the news unfolded.… Continue Reading …

God gave everyone an internal moral thermostat, the conscience. Con-science in Latin means co-knowledge, our inner voice. It is one of the means of grace that teaches us how to think and react properly. Along with the Spirit of God, the Word of God, and… Continue Reading …

There are no his versus her problems in anyone’s marriage. There are one flesh problems. Your physical body is an excellent illustration of this worldview. If your finger is hurting, your body is hurting. If there is something wrong with your one flesh marriage, regardless… Continue Reading …

One of the most critical questions a wife could ask herself is how she compares herself to her husband. Is she better, worse, or similar to her husband? How she thinks about her role in her marriage and relationship with her husband will determine the… Continue Reading …

Every gardener has a garden. Common sense? If you plan to take up gardening, you must have a garden. Another necessary assumption is that it’s vital to know something about gardening if your goal is to have one. It is not common sense to engage… Continue Reading …

I want to lay out five core elements that are practical and replicable in your life and marriage. When practically applied, these ideas can have a transformative effect on those you want to influence the most, starting with your spouse and children. For some believers,… Continue Reading …

If you were helping a couple build a stable marriage, where would you begin? What would be your starting point? What is the main thing that you would want to establish in their minds to help them? Their starting point, also called a presupposition, will… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). What is the most important quality you would like to have in… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). I watched my wife go through three… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him (Genesis 2:18). The difference in how you read… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31). A husband and wife are not just two… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). How honest can you be with your spouse? Is your marriage vulnerable and safe enough to communicate… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion What, then, shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31). Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love,… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:6). When your spouse sins,… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit (Matthew 27:50). I was meeting with a couple who seemed convinced that the other person in the marriage… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves (Philippians 2:3). One of the most powerful ways to imitate Jesus in our marriages is by… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin (James 4:17). What were the practical things you did when you first won your… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye (Matthew 7:5). A few years ago, I was… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). How do you positively or negatively contribute to your marriage? In broad… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together (1 Corinthians 12:26). Biff and Mable married 13 years ago. Most of those years were difficult. Mable… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? (Romans 2:4). There are several ways to… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion What causes quarrels and fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder (James 4:1-2). It… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband 
(Ephesians 5:33). Mable knocked on my counseling door. She was… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed (James 5:16). Biff sinned against Mable, and Mable was hurt. Biff asked Mable to forgive… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion But we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion All the descendants of Jacob were seventy persons; Joseph was already in Egypt (Exodus 1:5). You may not know where your marriage is leading you, but there is one thing I want… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit (John 19:30). Biff does not want to lead his… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself (Luke… Continue Reading …

Typically, when people think about modesty, their minds immediately go to what a person wears and arbitrary preferences rather than the heart’s motivations that influence their external choices. Perhaps when I mention “modesty,” your impulse is similar: “Great, he will tell us what to wear!”… Continue Reading …

The sex talk begins in a child’s toddler years as they learn about sexuality, intimacy, and relationships through the attitudes, words, and interactions of their parents. Sex is a shame-laced subject because of our mutual fallenness. One talk just before they head off to high… Continue Reading …

One of the most exciting and bittersweet times in a parent’s life is walking their child through the sex talk. It’s the season that leads them into adulthood. It’s the secret handshake that lets them know that the curtain of childhood is dropping and a… Continue Reading …

The sex talk is a transitional time in a child’s life, but long before you have the talk, your child will have a worldview and practice in place that will form the backdrop for how he will process what you’re telling him during the sex… Continue Reading …

Is there a terrific way to introduce the sex talk to your child? Every parent is faced with the challenge, though every parent does not think about sex the same way. Of course, there are a few parents who kick the sex talk can down… Continue Reading …

The wedding day is not the best time to learn how to be a spouse. Too many young couples begin this way. Without prior marriage training, they had to figure out how to get along with each other in the school of hard knocks. Some… Continue Reading …

Statistically speaking, the chances of your son or daughter being married are greater than them spending their adult lives as singles. This likelihood is not inside information but public knowledge. Boys like girls and girls like boys, and most boys and girls will tie the… Continue Reading …

It is impossible to engage our culture at any level and not hear their language, including curse words. Whether it is social media, a television show, or a stroll in the park, our culture’s words do not discriminate or care about our worldview. Because of… Continue Reading …

Though it would be simpler to place the lust problem in the lap of one gender, it would bring harm to God’s Word because lust is every person’s temptation. Perhaps a couple of synonyms for lust will level the playing field, holstering our tongues to… Continue Reading …

Every home is a laboratory where parents have the privilege of incrementally introducing their children to the culture around them. This incremental child development process prepares children to live in and engage in their world as adults while not being overcome by the culture. The… Continue Reading …

Pornography is a pervasive sin in the sense that the outward behavior—viewing porn—speaks to a heart idolatry that is not as evident at first glance. Though there is wisdom in cutting off porn behavior (Matthew 5:29-30), the only way to be truly free is by… Continue Reading …

As you might imagine, when writing a book on sex, temptation, and modesty and talking to a few friends about the project elicits lively conversation, including what a person wears at the beach or around their pools. And why not? The Bible provides all we… Continue Reading …

The goal of parenting is to rear a child to adulthood as a man or woman living under God’s authority. The hope-filled goal is for your child to step out into God’s world that final time, as they exit your home, as a person under… Continue Reading …

Too often, discussions about modesty digress into contentious sparring matches between Christians with differing perspectives on secondary issues. Usually, it’s the legalist and the liberal thinking believer, a sad commentary about our Christian maturity in light of the horrendous things that are happening all around… Continue Reading …

Profound suffering came into my life. I hurt without mitigation. In time, the challenges were so bad that I didn’t care if God took my life. I was not going to kill myself, but if the Lord wanted to, I was not opposed to it.… Continue Reading …

Social media is ubiquitous, and there are many redemptive applications of it. At Life Over Coffee, we talk about the redemptive uses of technology as we ponder how to use this common grace mercy for God’s fame. But with all good things, there is always… Continue Reading …

Lust does not mysteriously appear in the heart of a teenager as though it came from nowhere. Teens are like the rest of us. Lust is part of their Adamic wiring, a sobering call for every parent to cooperate with God in shaping a child’s… Continue Reading …

Most of the counseling that I do is marriage counseling because it is in the context of marriage, where two sinful people have to live within proximity to each other for an extended period. Most other relationships have an exit strategy. Kids can leave the… Continue Reading …

Strangers marry each other, and whoever you marry, you marry all of them, including their mind. Though you trust God with your future marriage partner and hope for the best, you know there is an element of mystery about how things will go because you… Continue Reading …

Sex is a beautiful thing. A sinful sexual temptation is not, but giving in to sexual temptation is worse. As fallen creatures, though redeemed by God, these temptations will always be part of our human experience. After the fall of Adam and Eve in the… Continue Reading …

Most of us understand the traditional definition of porn addiction. Typically, it’s in the context of a guy lusting after a girl. Active lust toward another person is the primary way porn is acted out in our culture, but it is no longer the exclusive… Continue Reading …

While summer is an appreciated and welcomed relief from the blistering cold of winter—for those of us who have winters—it does bring a different difficulty to our lives. The summer months draw attention to our universal struggle with sex, sexuality, and temptation, with the modesty… Continue Reading …

Newsflash: I have always known that something was wrong with me, but for the longest time, I did not know what it was. As I became older, I realized that it was an internal awkwardness, a sense of shame. To compensate for my soul dysfunction,… Continue Reading …

There is confusion among some believers over Christ’s words about loving others as we love ourselves. The sticking point is about what loving ourselves means. Typically, it runs along the lines of, how do you love others as you love yourself as fallen people with… Continue Reading …

Thinking more about yourself is not the path to freedom. The self-esteem agenda demands that we turn our thoughts onto ourselves, spending even more time thinking about ourselves. The Bible has a counterintuitive message: The more thoughts about God we have, the freer we will… Continue Reading …

Trying to be perfect in an imperfect world to garner the favorable opinion of others is a delusion that will strain any relationship, not to mention how it will bind any soul to a lifetime pursuit of the un-fillable love cup. The temptation to be… Continue Reading …

Love is a verb, an action word. It moves, always going in one direction or the other. Love will not work if it is not moving toward something. You will find it sandwiched between a subject and an object, always expecting the subject to move… Continue Reading …

One of the most challenging things a person will ever do is tell others the secrets of who they really are. I’m not suggesting we blab all our stuff to everyone, or even our deepest, darkest secrets that only God knows, but there is wisdom… Continue Reading …

One of the most counterintuitive messages for anyone to accept is their inherent badness. Most people think poorly about themselves, but they will not accept that overcoming what’s wrong with them is affirming those negative thoughts. If you think poorly of yourself, you’re on the… Continue Reading …

Sometimes, you can’t stay at your local church. It’s sad, but it happens all the time. You have to leave; when it happens, it’s one of the more gut-wrenching seasons in any God-loving Christian’s life. You love the Lord and His people, but for biblical… Continue Reading …

If you isolate a portion of Scripture from the narrative of the Bible’s story, you can misunderstand its meaning, complicating your life and triggering our unregenerate friends. Isolating texts is why some Christians struggle with many of the Bible’s declarations. Being worthless is one of… Continue Reading …

“I have a question about church discipline or how you handle a lack of church discipline or involvement from the church when trying to help someone. Though I don’t have a current situation, it appears that church assistance should involve counsel, instruction, and, in some… Continue Reading …

The local church is the dearest place on earth, outside of our unique families. It is the one place where the body of Christ can gather to celebrate their King while caring for each other in all the various contexts possible. It is an amazing… Continue Reading …

Self-esteem teaching has been around for a long time. It’s one of the central planks of the culture’s gospel, which is their attempt to feel better about themselves. They, like us, realize they need help. As ambassadors for Christ, we must know how to engage… Continue Reading …

The best discipleship soul care happens in a community, not isolated, artificial settings where there is a disconnection between the person and the community. God can change lives in one-and-done or a season of meetings, and no reasonable person would argue against the good Lord… Continue Reading …

The preaching event on Sunday morning and the working out of the preached Word during the week are not either/or activities. They both work together to help the Christian mature. The Christian life is not centered on the pulpit because the Christian lives his life… Continue Reading …

“Can you give some clear examples of signs of how a pastor or church leader is crossing the line from being a shepherd to a spiritual abuser? It would be helpful to know when to support a pastor when he is genuinely trying to defend… Continue Reading …

One of the most important questions when looking for a new church is how the pastor leads the local church. In larger churches, it’s a unified body of pastors. It would be an excellent thought experiment to answer a few questions about those who lead… Continue Reading …

Mable walked into the woods one day, doused herself with gasoline, and set herself on fire. The newspapers said she suffered from low self-esteem. They were wrong. Mable was preoccupied with herself. She could not stop thinking about herself, her problems, those who mocked her,… Continue Reading …

The best local churches have values distinct from the culture while transforming the church’s community to reach the culture with the gospel to export those values to the next generation. When looking for a fantastic local church, there are many things to consider, in addition… Continue Reading …

The most important question when looking for a local church concerns the gospel—the main thing forever and ever. Amen. Nothing is more essential in any local church than the good news of the gospel, who is Christ. While many things matter when looking for a… Continue Reading …

The local church is our most crucial sanctification context outside our homes, making finding the right kind of church a critical matter for all serious-minded Christians. The church search can be daunting because there are so many varieties, and we have a plethora of preferences.… Continue Reading …

Each local church has a unique personality that reflects its leadership. In context, the word church refers to those who have been attending for a while and are actively participating in the environments and equipping ministries that the leadership provides. Nominal Christians or inconsistent attendees… Continue Reading …

The global effect of all these issues on the body of Christ is what it’s doing to our local churches. The family is the core of all civil societies, and within the Christian world, the family constitutes the local church. In former generations, the social… Continue Reading …

These adverse cyber effects always beg the question of the best time to give your child a phone. Part of the discussion centers on the type of phone you want to give your child. The other part centers on the kind of child you have,… Continue Reading …

Our lives operate on a 24-hour cycle. You have observed how you become tired or drowsy at certain times of the day. Hopefully, that is in the evening, when your body tells you it’s time to sleep. I used to become drowsy in the afternoons,… Continue Reading …

The formula is “value creates satisfaction.” We express satisfaction about something based on how much we value it. We won’t find happiness in it if we don’t appreciate it. For example, if you have received a long-anticipated or cherished gift, you responded with joy because… Continue Reading …

After you meet the stranger on the train, and both of you throw inhibition to the wind, you may convince yourself that you’re building a whole relationship with another person. You’re not. At best, what you have is false intimacy; it’s not the real thing.… Continue Reading …

The concept of sharing freely and without fear is called the disinhibition effect. There is little inhibition about vulnerability with a stranger on the train because he can’t hurt you, so you believe. Of course, the possibility of being vulnerable and lacking perceived risk is… Continue Reading …

The teen is not the only struggling soul looking for a community. Sometimes, I will hear a person talk about how they met a stranger, and within minutes, they had an in-depth personal conversation with them. They glow about how easy and natural it was… Continue Reading …

One of the most potent effects of the second fiddle phenomenon happens in a child’s life when he grows into an adult. The young teen is transitioning from kid to adult. He’s different in every way. It’s a frightful time for many of these children.… Continue Reading …

There is a discussion about whether cyberspace is real or not. We know what a real, tactile place is, but what is cyberspace? You can’t touch or feel it. Is it real? If you were to make a case for cyberspace being real, how would… Continue Reading …

Technology, social media, and the Internet can be redemptive instruments in the hands of individuals who want to do good and know how to accomplish those positive purposes practically. Of course, the implication in a fallen world is clear: technology in the hands of someone… Continue Reading …

“How can I change?” is one of the more common questions asked when people think through the challenges and responsibilities of becoming a better believer. Changing, improving, and maturing is at the heart of the gospel: Christ came to seek and save the lost, giving… Continue Reading …

One of the most important questions you’ll ever ask yourself is why you attend your church. Outside the family unit, the local church is the primary context where sanctification happens among Christians, making how we think about and participate in our local churches crucial. Assuming… Continue Reading …

Living in a relationship with anyone means you will be disappointed and hurt by them. It is unavoidable. Since Adam fell in the Garden of Eden, we have been helplessly unable to escape relational conflict. May I test my thesis? Have you ever been hurt… Continue Reading …

When my friend learned about our lack of forgiveness, he asked, “When you and Lucia realized you hadn’t asked for forgiveness for several years, how did you work out the gospel in that situation? You couldn’t go back and cover all your past sins against… Continue Reading …

Let us go ahead and level the playing field: we are all clueless to some degree. We all need help. We all need grace. It does not matter your demographic; we need God’s grace and mercy. We are grace-dependent creatures, which is a cross-elevating, ground-leveling… Continue Reading …

Everybody loves to experience God’s kindness and mercy when we behave poorly. The alternative is the Lord’s corrective displeasure. When there is a crime, our impulse is to hope for something we don’t deserve. Have you considered applying the same perspective for your enemies, those… Continue Reading …

A throne addiction is when a person refuses to allow God to be the King of their life; they will not relinquish their throne to the only rightful authority in their lives. The addict to the throne has fully bought into the first lie of… Continue Reading …

God is a God of second chances. Have you ever heard that expression? It is one of those things we like to say about God. It is a Christian cliché that we cherish because we understand the need for and benefit of getting a second… Continue Reading …

How do you think about the trouble in your life? I counsel a lot of Christians who have a lot of adverse things happening to them. In a way, they are modern-day representations of Jonah—their difficulties are swallowing them up. One of the things I… Continue Reading …

What do you think about when a storm comes into your life? When things are dreadful, how do you wrestle through what’s happening to you? Where does your mind go? I suppose most of us succumb to the temptation to focus more on the storm… Continue Reading …

Have you ever wondered how it is possible to believe the right things yet do the wrong things? It happens regularly—at least to me. I am in situations where I have the opportunity to do the right thing. Sometimes, I make the wrong choice in… Continue Reading …

The heart of the gospel is about loving difficult people. Jesus came to seek and save the lost. His death on the cross for undeserving people is the primary example that teaches us this grand imitateable truth of loving our friends and foes well (Ephesians… Continue Reading …

Forgiveness is the exclusive domain and the divinely given privilege of the redeemed. Non-Christians cannot be free from sin because God resists the proud, and He will not forgive any transgression until they humble themselves by becoming children of the light. Believers, however, can experience… Continue Reading …

During the six months I worked with Mable, I began reorienting her life toward a God-centered way of thinking and living. The process was not easy, and there were a few setbacks. Perseverance was vital, as well as her humility. God does provide His empowering… Continue Reading …

I have a friend who lived in open adultery for eighteen years. He was not a Christian and was not shy about his lifestyle. His wife, like Mable, knew most of his sins. My friend’s wife chose to honor God by staying in the marriage.… Continue Reading …

When a marriage grows cold, and only one spouse is willing to work on it, that spouse must juxtapose two Biblical responsibilities: being free in Christ while working on the marriage alone for the advancement of the gospel. Paul said in Philippians 1:12, reflecting upon… Continue Reading …

When a person does not trust God, there are three primary reasons. I call these our faith-killers. We cannot trust God if we are angry with Him. We cannot trust God if we are afraid of Him. We cannot trust God if we do not… Continue Reading …

Once Mable understood the gospel, I began to walk her through how she should respond to Christ. The gospel is God’s most extravagant outpouring of His love to the world. There is nothing more profound that the Father could have done to prove His love… Continue Reading …

A common rebuttal to the need theory concept is that we need love. I understand the perspective, but the truth is that we need a relationship with God; if we have that, and our relationship with Him is proper, our demands on other humans to… Continue Reading …

The most significant trap that tripped up Mable was that her desire for marriage and companionship had morphed into something God never intended. She had gotten caught up in the self-centered craving for perceived needs, as popularized by our culture. She saw the good God… Continue Reading …

After a couple of sessions of getting to know Mable, I began to ask her specific questions regarding her fundamental understanding of theology and how that theology worked out practically in her life. I knew that if I could uncover what she believed about God… Continue Reading …

I met Mable at a conference, where she approached me with a soft-bound copy of my Help! My Marriage Has Grown Cold booklet in her hand. She said that God had transformed her life and marriage through this little booklet. She asked me to sign… Continue Reading …

A happy home does not just happen. Like all good things, you must have a plan and be willing to execute hard work (Luke 14:27). The good news is that Christians have the schematic for happiness, which begins with confession and moves into forgiveness. The… Continue Reading …

A pastor asked, “As a full-time elder and pastor for twenty-seven years, I have seen and walked with people through many forms of offenses and relational conflict. Your resources are helpful and needed in the church today. In the following scenario, I wonder if you… Continue Reading …

Over the past few decades, the biblical counseling movement has grown within the local church, reminding believers how the gospel speaks to all of life, regardless of the state of the person’s soul—pre-saved or saved. In a way, this movement is taking steps to reclaim… Continue Reading …

Biff asked, “As a believer, does God’s Word require me to forgive a relative of mine time after time—essentially let her off the hook—for her unkind behavior and attitude toward me and the many cruel and untrue things she has done behind my back to… Continue Reading …

Mable came to me, exclaiming, “I’m frustrated! I am always approaching my husband with my sin, asking for his forgiveness, but he seems never to see his need to ask me for forgiveness. Many times he won’t even bother to forgive me. What am I… Continue Reading …

Forgiveness is only one aspect of the change process. Forgiveness is not a complete change because there are several links—after forgiveness—in the repentance sequence. However, forgiveness is a vital mile marker that leads to complete repentance, making this step non-negotiable because we cannot experience transformation… Continue Reading …

Forgiving yourself is an odd teaching that has crept into Christians’ understanding of sanctification. It’s part of the culture’s futile way of thinking, hoping to get rid of their sins. They must try because they sense the same shame we do, but because they reject… Continue Reading …

We watched The Blind Side a few weeks after it came out. We had heard rave reviews about the movie. Nearly every review, from the network of movie reviewers connected to Hollywood to many of my friends, gave it the proverbial two thumbs-up. The conservative… Continue Reading …

Have you ever granted forgiveness to someone who hurt you? Did you mean it? Did you really mean it? Or did you say, “I forgive you,” because it is the Christian thing to do? I’m not asking this question with a cynical eye. I’m asking… Continue Reading …

Biff destroyed his marriage. Shortly after that, he experienced conviction from God for what he did. His repentance was genuine, as affirmed by his pastor, several other church leaders, and two of his workmates. In response to the Lord’s maneuvering in his heart and with… Continue Reading …

In our culture today, the phrase “I’m sorry” has become our first response when we sin against each other. The term has nearly wholly replaced biblical forgiveness. It is a passive statement that does not require the offender and offended to engage in meaningful, biblical… Continue Reading …

Forgiveness is one of the most challenging concepts for Christians to come to terms with, especially when someone has hurt them. The recipients of unjust and unkind actions experience legitimate disappointment that does not always go away quickly. Fortunately, we do not have to despair:… Continue Reading …

Self-reliant people live in a self-constructed, self-sustained worship structure that diverts their faith in God to rely on themselves, hoping to engineer pre-determined outcomes. It is not anyone’s real world because complete self-sufficiency is an impossible feat to achieve. No finite soul can be totally… Continue Reading …

It’s easier to trust God when you’re in control of things than when you’re out of control and you’re unsure what will happen next. Being in control provides you with a sense of security, confidence, and comfort, albeit it’s man-made. The downside to this human-centered… Continue Reading …

Dying to ourselves is the hardest thing we will ever do, and it’s not a one-time appointment with God. Death to self is a repeated act of submitting ourselves to the Lord. The good news is that He helps us in this life-long process by… Continue Reading …

Utopia does not exist on planet Earth. It’s a mirage in a desert. It’s like someone attempting to be perfect; he does not exist either. My goal here is not to rain on anyone’s parade but to help gain a better perspective on living well… Continue Reading …

Striving for self-generated perfection is as futile as attempting to save ourselves because it perpetuates internal turmoil and frustrates our closest friends. Though God does not want us to live sloppy, haphazard lives, He does want us to know that perfection comes through our weaknesses—our… Continue Reading …

If our aim is perfection, we have two options. We can strive to be perfect through our strengths or accept someone else’s perfection as ours. The first option is not tenable because we cannot live mistake-free, unless we lowered the high standard of perfection to… Continue Reading …

An unguarded strength is a double weakness because we rarely guard our strengths because we think of them as good, not realizing that our abilities can entrap us, keeping us from relying on God. Let me illustrate my point with a counseling session with a… Continue Reading …

Boasting in your weakness is a strange juxtaposition of words. Typically, you don’t connect boasting with weakness unless you mock someone about their inability to accomplish a feat. We call it bullying. But in God’s economy, boasting is something every Christian should do as they… Continue Reading …

The situational difficulties we face are the contexts that reveal our hearts, which is how God purifies our faith and obedience. These personal, relational, and situational challenges are our opportunities to follow Jesus in the Christian’s call to suffer. Paul discussed it as boasting in… Continue Reading …

A cracked jar of clay does not have to be a bad thing: if you know the potter. God prefers His creation to be fragile jars of clay, so He can display His miraculous, surpassing power to our friends and the culture. Of course, there… Continue Reading …

A lady asked, “Would you be willing to write about living with an immature husband and how to respond to him biblically? I need help; I would much appreciate it if you could give me some advice.” Her question is not new to me. We… Continue Reading …

When discussing submission problems in a marriage, we should equally scrutinize the submission and leadership constructs. It’s not an either/or proposition. For example, a half analysis focuses solely on the man’s leadership or the wife’s submission, leaving holes in the reconciliation process. We must examine… Continue Reading …

It is common for someone to confuse their various roles within a hierarchal structure and their coequality with everyone within those structures. For example, a wife can be a sister, mother, employer, employee, church member, and citizen. She fits within all those structures and she’s… Continue Reading …

Every wife is equal to her husband, even though there is a call on her life to submit to him. These are not opposing truths but a biblically common sense perspective on marriage. Hierarchy and equality do not compete but expand the possibilities for how… Continue Reading …

A wife can be a husband’s most significant asset or a complicating liability. Most of us know this about our complementary roles in our marriages, but I wonder how many wives have thought through how to be an asset to their husbands by humbly leading… Continue Reading …

Harshness is one of the most typical forms of anger, and the most common context for it is within a family construct, especially between a husband and wife. When you put two or more sinners in a box for an extended period, their rawest Adamic… Continue Reading …

Sometimes you can forgive someone for their sin against you and reconcile with them. It’s a beautiful picture of the power of the gospel. Other times you can forgive them, but you won’t be able to reconcile with them, another picture, albeit incomplete, of the… Continue Reading …

Sometimes in some relationships, a person will utilize unforgiveness as a tool for self-protection. They weaponize unforgiveness, even if they do so unwittingly. They might hold on to unforgiveness because they have been hurt so many times by the same person, usually a spouse. They… Continue Reading …

Imperfect people are a universal problem. Most of the time, we do not struggle with the quirks of our fallenness—until we start living with one of those imperfect people. When you put two sinners in a box for an extended period, there will be problems,… Continue Reading …

A wife can be a husband’s most significant asset or his greatest liability. Most of us know this because people who live with each other affect those in the home—for good or evil. However, I wonder how many wives have thought through how much of… Continue Reading …

How honest can you be with your spouse? Is your marriage vulnerable, safe, and robust enough to communicate honestly? Are you free from critique and condemnation, releasing you to talk transparently with your mate? How much have things changed since dating, when communication was not… Continue Reading …

What makes Life Over Coffee different from other training organizations? Before moving on, will you “pause the tape” to answer my question? See how well you understand our purpose—what we are about, or if we need to improve how we communicate our purpose to you… Continue Reading …

No book can help your unique husband to become a better husband like you can. Sure, there are a zillion books, and we have the Bible, too. But when it comes to a wife’s role in helping her husband mature in Christ, she is his… Continue Reading …

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” The wisdom of Proverbs teaches how we will eat the fruit of our words, whether our words are good or bad. This truth can be particularly… Continue Reading …

What is the consistent spiritual direction of your home? Who is leading the family in that direction? Who is following the leader of your home? There is only one correct answer to these questions: the Lord must be leading the family, and everyone else should… Continue Reading …

Because of the clarity of God’s Word, the path to life change is not mysterious or elusive. If it were complex, we’d all be in a mess. Did you know that Paul gave his protege, Timothy, a practical plan for change that we can replicate… Continue Reading …

If you know someone who is not changing, do not despair. There is a way to help them. I’m not suggesting they will change even if you did everything perfectly, but there is a process for transformation that every Christian should know. I will break… Continue Reading …

Will you test yourself before you read this chapter? What are your thoughts toward those you would like to see change, especially those not responding the way you hoped they would? My aim is for you to consider the motives and methods you employ when… Continue Reading …

Sometimes, when people hear the term biblical counseling, they think about a two-tier system within Christianity: those who can counsel and those who cannot. When I talk to some Christians about biblical counseling, they step back mentally while disqualifying themselves by saying, “I can’t do… Continue Reading …

In any discipleship situation, the discipler’s theology must inform their discipleship process. Theology and application act as guardrails to keep the counseling process moving in the right direction while avoiding the inevitable hazards that inferior theology and deficient applications cause. Maintaining this type of counseling… Continue Reading …

Every person who comes to you does not always fully invest themselves in being free from their problems. I’m not suggesting they are insincere. I’m speaking to the complexity of some issues and the accompanying heart entanglements that have become part of a person’s life… Continue Reading …

Your friend comes to you with a secret sin. You are his accountability partner, and he asks you to keep his sin secret. How would you respond to him? Is it okay to pledge confidentiality or have an expectation of it? Does confidentiality have value… Continue Reading …

Are you more concerned about what God thinks about your sin or what others think about your sin? How you answer this question will determine the quality of your life and the way you interact with your friends. If you’re more concerned about God’s view… Continue Reading …

Did you know it’s possible to know God but still have a hard heart? Though we have many means of grace, like prayer, the Bible, our local churches, and each other, Christians are not impervious to the infiltration of sin or its dastardly effects. It… Continue Reading …

God did not create all friends equally. You have some friends you want in your inner circle because they are biblically mature and reciprocating. Perhaps there are others that you must keep at arm’s length because they are tedious and require more work to maintain.… Continue Reading …

A friend asked how you encourage someone when they are angry at God for what happened to them. The lady is mad because Sovereign Lord did not protect her from horrific victimization. He has been meeting with her for weeks and wondered if he should… Continue Reading …