Life Over Coffee | Blogroll

Someone asked me why I share political messages on my personal X account. He then followed up by saying that politics stink. It was not one of those “stay in your lane” questions as much as it was a curious onlooker, a fellow Christian thinking… Continue Reading …

The Bible is clear: those who forget God will not endure (Job 8:13). This truth applies not only to nations but also to churches and individuals. God, who sits enthroned above the Earth, sees all inhabitants as mere grasshoppers (Isaiah 40:22). When a nation turns… Continue Reading …

When it comes to human relationships and societal structures, there are threads of unity and discord woven side by side. It’s a delicate balance between building up and tearing down and often hinges on subtle attitudes and actions that can go unnoticed until the fabric… Continue Reading …

Our country is in a tailspin. The most popular word for an immediate pathway to cancellation in America today is racism. Two hundred-plus years of striving and tension around race are spilling over into our streets and onto our social media platforms. The noise is… Continue Reading …

One of the most hotly debated terms this century is the word woke. It means to be aware, as in, “I have woke up to [this cause].” Formerly, you were not aware; now, you are. Woke is most often used in the context of what… Continue Reading …

In 2020, the number one question circulating in people’s minds was, “Should I wear a mask?” Perhaps you wore one, and it was a non-issue. Praise God. I’m sure you were aware that many of your friends were not where you were. It never occurred… Continue Reading …

There is a twist of irony when one person condemns another, even if the accusation is correct. Jesus was right when He said, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you… Continue Reading …

When mass shootings happen, many reasonable people stand on all sides of the gun control debate. Some folks want to limit the number of guns we have and how we use them. Others want to eliminate all guns. Then, some want more freedom regarding firearms.… Continue Reading …

One of the striking surprises about the time we live is the imperceptible and incremental changes that happen culturally. Things move so slowly, and we’re so preoccupied that we don’t recognize shifts until we’re shocked out of our mundane lives. The evolution of marketing and… Continue Reading …

Every four years in America, its citizens have the opportunity to vote for the next President of the United States. It’s the privilege of free countries where the political class serves the citizens, or that is what it says on paper. In America, it’s no… Continue Reading …

The gospel practicalized is a transcendent lifestyle that overrides cultural, political, and religious traditions, preferences, and expectations. The convolution between primary and secondary things can be dizzying, especially in a world that works overtime to invert what is good with evil. A practicalized gospel teaches… Continue Reading …

Every day, you have to make many decisions, big and small. Some of them are life-changing events, while others aren’t as consequential. It would shock many of us to realize how often we decide things. From micro-decisions—those subtle, silent decisions—to life and family-altering decisions, having… Continue Reading …

When deciding anything, you must be in faith regarding that decision, which is why the most important question you will ever ask yourself when making a decision is, “Am I in faith to (insert the thing you’re thinking about) to do this?” Thus, having a… Continue Reading …

We will never forget the tragedy of 9/11. Most of us who are old enough remember exactly where we were on that tragic day. I was sitting in my counseling office at our local church, staring blankly at a TV screen as the news unfolded.… Continue Reading …

God gave everyone an internal moral thermostat, the conscience. Con-science in Latin means co-knowledge, our inner voice. It is one of the means of grace that teaches us how to think and react properly. Along with the Spirit of God, the Word of God, and… Continue Reading …

There are no his versus her problems in anyone’s marriage. There are one flesh problems. Your physical body is an excellent illustration of this worldview. If your finger is hurting, your body is hurting. If there is something wrong with your one flesh marriage, regardless… Continue Reading …

One of the most critical questions a wife could ask herself is how she compares herself to her husband. Is she better, worse, or similar to her husband? How she thinks about her role in her marriage and relationship with her husband will determine the… Continue Reading …

Every gardener has a garden. Common sense? If you plan to take up gardening, you must have a garden. Another necessary assumption is that it’s vital to know something about gardening if your goal is to have one. It is not common sense to engage… Continue Reading …

I want to lay out five core elements that are practical and replicable in your life and marriage. When practically applied, these ideas can have a transformative effect on those you want to influence the most, starting with your spouse and children. For some believers,… Continue Reading …

If you were helping a couple build a stable marriage, where would you begin? What would be your starting point? What is the main thing that you would want to establish in their minds to help them? Their starting point, also called a presupposition, will… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house,… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). What is the most important quality you would like to have in… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). I watched my wife go through three… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him (Genesis 2:18). The difference in how you read… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31). A husband and wife are not just two… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). How honest can you be with your spouse? Is your marriage vulnerable and safe enough to communicate… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion What, then, shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31). Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love,… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:6). When your spouse sins,… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit (Matthew 27:50). I was meeting with a couple who seemed convinced that the other person in the marriage… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves (Philippians 2:3). One of the most powerful ways to imitate Jesus in our marriages is by… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin (James 4:17). What were the practical things you did when you first won your… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye (Matthew 7:5). A few years ago, I was… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). How do you positively or negatively contribute to your marriage? In broad… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together (1 Corinthians 12:26). Biff and Mable married 13 years ago. Most of those years were difficult. Mable… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? (Romans 2:4). There are several ways to… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion What causes quarrels and fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder (James 4:1-2). It… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband 
(Ephesians 5:33). Mable knocked on my counseling door. She was… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed (James 5:16). Biff sinned against Mable, and Mable was hurt. Biff asked Mable to forgive… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion But we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion All the descendants of Jacob were seventy persons; Joseph was already in Egypt (Exodus 1:5). You may not know where your marriage is leading you, but there is one thing I want… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by… Continue Reading …

 Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit (John 19:30). Biff does not want to lead his… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Teen Devotion You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself (Luke… Continue Reading …

Typically, when people think about modesty, their minds immediately go to what a person wears and arbitrary preferences rather than the heart’s motivations that influence their external choices. Perhaps when I mention “modesty,” your impulse is similar: “Great, he will tell us what to wear!”… Continue Reading …

The sex talk begins in a child’s toddler years as they learn about sexuality, intimacy, and relationships through the attitudes, words, and interactions of their parents. Sex is a shame-laced subject because of our mutual fallenness. One talk just before they head off to high… Continue Reading …

One of the most exciting and bittersweet times in a parent’s life is walking their child through the sex talk. It’s the season that leads them into adulthood. It’s the secret handshake that lets them know that the curtain of childhood is dropping and a… Continue Reading …

The sex talk is a transitional time in a child’s life, but long before you have the talk, your child will have a worldview and practice in place that will form the backdrop for how he will process what you’re telling him during the sex… Continue Reading …

Is there a terrific way to introduce the sex talk to your child? Every parent is faced with the challenge, though every parent does not think about sex the same way. Of course, there are a few parents who kick the sex talk can down… Continue Reading …

The wedding day is not the best time to learn how to be a spouse. Too many young couples begin this way. Without prior marriage training, they had to figure out how to get along with each other in the school of hard knocks. Some… Continue Reading …

Statistically speaking, the chances of your son or daughter being married are greater than them spending their adult lives as singles. This likelihood is not inside information but public knowledge. Boys like girls and girls like boys, and most boys and girls will tie the… Continue Reading …

It is impossible to engage our culture at any level and not hear their language, including curse words. Whether it is social media, a television show, or a stroll in the park, our culture’s words do not discriminate or care about our worldview. Because of… Continue Reading …

Though it would be simpler to place the lust problem in the lap of one gender, it would bring harm to God’s Word because lust is every person’s temptation. Perhaps a couple of synonyms for lust will level the playing field, holstering our tongues to… Continue Reading …

Every home is a laboratory where parents have the privilege of incrementally introducing their children to the culture around them. This incremental child development process prepares children to live in and engage in their world as adults while not being overcome by the culture. The… Continue Reading …

Pornography is a pervasive sin in the sense that the outward behavior—viewing porn—speaks to a heart idolatry that is not as evident at first glance. Though there is wisdom in cutting off porn behavior (Matthew 5:29-30), the only way to be truly free is by… Continue Reading …

As you might imagine, when writing a book on sex, temptation, and modesty and talking to a few friends about the project elicits lively conversation, including what a person wears at the beach or around their pools. And why not? The Bible provides all we… Continue Reading …

The goal of parenting is to rear a child to adulthood as a man or woman living under God’s authority. The hope-filled goal is for your child to step out into God’s world that final time, as they exit your home, as a person under… Continue Reading …

Too often, discussions about modesty digress into contentious sparring matches between Christians with differing perspectives on secondary issues. Usually, it’s the legalist and the liberal thinking believer, a sad commentary about our Christian maturity in light of the horrendous things that are happening all around… Continue Reading …

Profound suffering came into my life. I hurt without mitigation. In time, the challenges were so bad that I didn’t care if God took my life. I was not going to kill myself, but if the Lord wanted to, I was not opposed to it.… Continue Reading …

Social media is ubiquitous, and there are many redemptive applications of it. At Life Over Coffee, we talk about the redemptive uses of technology as we ponder how to use this common grace mercy for God’s fame. But with all good things, there is always… Continue Reading …

Lust does not mysteriously appear in the heart of a teenager as though it came from nowhere. Teens are like the rest of us. Lust is part of their Adamic wiring, a sobering call for every parent to cooperate with God in shaping a child’s… Continue Reading …

Most of the counseling that I do is marriage counseling because it is in the context of marriage, where two sinful people have to live within proximity to each other for an extended period. Most other relationships have an exit strategy. Kids can leave the… Continue Reading …

Strangers marry each other, and whoever you marry, you marry all of them, including their mind. Though you trust God with your future marriage partner and hope for the best, you know there is an element of mystery about how things will go because you… Continue Reading …

Sex is a beautiful thing. A sinful sexual temptation is not, but giving in to sexual temptation is worse. As fallen creatures, though redeemed by God, these temptations will always be part of our human experience. After the fall of Adam and Eve in the… Continue Reading …

Most of us understand the traditional definition of porn addiction. Typically, it’s in the context of a guy lusting after a girl. Active lust toward another person is the primary way porn is acted out in our culture, but it is no longer the exclusive… Continue Reading …

While summer is an appreciated and welcomed relief from the blistering cold of winter—for those of us who have winters—it does bring a different difficulty to our lives. The summer months draw attention to our universal struggle with sex, sexuality, and temptation, with the modesty… Continue Reading …

Newsflash: I have always known that something was wrong with me, but for the longest time, I did not know what it was. As I became older, I realized that it was an internal awkwardness, a sense of shame. To compensate for my soul dysfunction,… Continue Reading …

There is confusion among some believers over Christ’s words about loving others as we love ourselves. The sticking point is about what loving ourselves means. Typically, it runs along the lines of, how do you love others as you love yourself as fallen people with… Continue Reading …

Thinking more about yourself is not the path to freedom. The self-esteem agenda demands that we turn our thoughts onto ourselves, spending even more time thinking about ourselves. The Bible has a counterintuitive message: The more thoughts about God we have, the freer we will… Continue Reading …

Trying to be perfect in an imperfect world to garner the favorable opinion of others is a delusion that will strain any relationship, not to mention how it will bind any soul to a lifetime pursuit of the un-fillable love cup. The temptation to be… Continue Reading …

Love is a verb, an action word. It moves, always going in one direction or the other. Love will not work if it is not moving toward something. You will find it sandwiched between a subject and an object, always expecting the subject to move… Continue Reading …

One of the most challenging things a person will ever do is tell others the secrets of who they really are. I’m not suggesting we blab all our stuff to everyone, or even our deepest, darkest secrets that only God knows, but there is wisdom… Continue Reading …

One of the most counterintuitive messages for anyone to accept is their inherent badness. Most people think poorly about themselves, but they will not accept that overcoming what’s wrong with them is affirming those negative thoughts. If you think poorly of yourself, you’re on the… Continue Reading …

Sometimes, you can’t stay at your local church. It’s sad, but it happens all the time. You have to leave; when it happens, it’s one of the more gut-wrenching seasons in any God-loving Christian’s life. You love the Lord and His people, but for biblical… Continue Reading …

If you isolate a portion of Scripture from the narrative of the Bible’s story, you can misunderstand its meaning, complicating your life and triggering our unregenerate friends. Isolating texts is why some Christians struggle with many of the Bible’s declarations. Being worthless is one of… Continue Reading …

“I have a question about church discipline or how you handle a lack of church discipline or involvement from the church when trying to help someone. Though I don’t have a current situation, it appears that church assistance should involve counsel, instruction, and, in some… Continue Reading …

The local church is the dearest place on earth, outside of our unique families. It is the one place where the body of Christ can gather to celebrate their King while caring for each other in all the various contexts possible. It is an amazing… Continue Reading …

Self-esteem teaching has been around for a long time. It’s one of the central planks of the culture’s gospel, which is their attempt to feel better about themselves. They, like us, realize they need help. As ambassadors for Christ, we must know how to engage… Continue Reading …

The best discipleship soul care happens in a community, not isolated, artificial settings where there is a disconnection between the person and the community. God can change lives in one-and-done or a season of meetings, and no reasonable person would argue against the good Lord… Continue Reading …

The preaching event on Sunday morning and the working out of the preached Word during the week are not either/or activities. They both work together to help the Christian mature. The Christian life is not centered on the pulpit because the Christian lives his life… Continue Reading …

“Can you give some clear examples of signs of how a pastor or church leader is crossing the line from being a shepherd to a spiritual abuser? It would be helpful to know when to support a pastor when he is genuinely trying to defend… Continue Reading …

One of the most important questions when looking for a new church is how the pastor leads the local church. In larger churches, it’s a unified body of pastors. It would be an excellent thought experiment to answer a few questions about those who lead… Continue Reading …

Mable walked into the woods one day, doused herself with gasoline, and set herself on fire. The newspapers said she suffered from low self-esteem. They were wrong. Mable was preoccupied with herself. She could not stop thinking about herself, her problems, those who mocked her,… Continue Reading …

The best local churches have values distinct from the culture while transforming the church’s community to reach the culture with the gospel to export those values to the next generation. When looking for a fantastic local church, there are many things to consider, in addition… Continue Reading …

The most important question when looking for a local church concerns the gospel—the main thing forever and ever. Amen. Nothing is more essential in any local church than the good news of the gospel, who is Christ. While many things matter when looking for a… Continue Reading …

The local church is our most crucial sanctification context outside our homes, making finding the right kind of church a critical matter for all serious-minded Christians. The church search can be daunting because there are so many varieties, and we have a plethora of preferences.… Continue Reading …

Each local church has a unique personality that reflects its leadership. In context, the word church refers to those who have been attending for a while and are actively participating in the environments and equipping ministries that the leadership provides. Nominal Christians or inconsistent attendees… Continue Reading …

The global effect of all these issues on the body of Christ is what it’s doing to our local churches. The family is the core of all civil societies, and within the Christian world, the family constitutes the local church. In former generations, the social… Continue Reading …

These adverse cyber effects always beg the question of the best time to give your child a phone. Part of the discussion centers on the type of phone you want to give your child. The other part centers on the kind of child you have,… Continue Reading …

Our lives operate on a 24-hour cycle. You have observed how you become tired or drowsy at certain times of the day. Hopefully, that is in the evening, when your body tells you it’s time to sleep. I used to become drowsy in the afternoons,… Continue Reading …

The formula is “value creates satisfaction.” We express satisfaction about something based on how much we value it. We won’t find happiness in it if we don’t appreciate it. For example, if you have received a long-anticipated or cherished gift, you responded with joy because… Continue Reading …

After you meet the stranger on the train, and both of you throw inhibition to the wind, you may convince yourself that you’re building a whole relationship with another person. You’re not. At best, what you have is false intimacy; it’s not the real thing.… Continue Reading …

The concept of sharing freely and without fear is called the disinhibition effect. There is little inhibition about vulnerability with a stranger on the train because he can’t hurt you, so you believe. Of course, the possibility of being vulnerable and lacking perceived risk is… Continue Reading …

The teen is not the only struggling soul looking for a community. Sometimes, I will hear a person talk about how they met a stranger, and within minutes, they had an in-depth personal conversation with them. They glow about how easy and natural it was… Continue Reading …

One of the most potent effects of the second fiddle phenomenon happens in a child’s life when he grows into an adult. The young teen is transitioning from kid to adult. He’s different in every way. It’s a frightful time for many of these children.… Continue Reading …

There is a discussion about whether cyberspace is real or not. We know what a real, tactile place is, but what is cyberspace? You can’t touch or feel it. Is it real? If you were to make a case for cyberspace being real, how would… Continue Reading …

Technology, social media, and the Internet can be redemptive instruments in the hands of individuals who want to do good and know how to accomplish those positive purposes practically. Of course, the implication in a fallen world is clear: technology in the hands of someone… Continue Reading …

“How can I change?” is one of the more common questions asked when people think through the challenges and responsibilities of becoming a better believer. Changing, improving, and maturing is at the heart of the gospel: Christ came to seek and save the lost, giving… Continue Reading …

One of the most important questions you’ll ever ask yourself is why you attend your church. Outside the family unit, the local church is the primary context where sanctification happens among Christians, making how we think about and participate in our local churches crucial. Assuming… Continue Reading …

Living in a relationship with anyone means you will be disappointed and hurt by them. It is unavoidable. Since Adam fell in the Garden of Eden, we have been helplessly unable to escape relational conflict. May I test my thesis? Have you ever been hurt… Continue Reading …

When my friend learned about our lack of forgiveness, he asked, “When you and Lucia realized you hadn’t asked for forgiveness for several years, how did you work out the gospel in that situation? You couldn’t go back and cover all your past sins against… Continue Reading …

Let us go ahead and level the playing field: we are all clueless to some degree. We all need help. We all need grace. It does not matter your demographic; we need God’s grace and mercy. We are grace-dependent creatures, which is a cross-elevating, ground-leveling… Continue Reading …

Everybody loves to experience God’s kindness and mercy when we behave poorly. The alternative is the Lord’s corrective displeasure. When there is a crime, our impulse is to hope for something we don’t deserve. Have you considered applying the same perspective for your enemies, those… Continue Reading …

A throne addiction is when a person refuses to allow God to be the King of their life; they will not relinquish their throne to the only rightful authority in their lives. The addict to the throne has fully bought into the first lie of… Continue Reading …

God is a God of second chances. Have you ever heard that expression? It is one of those things we like to say about God. It is a Christian cliché that we cherish because we understand the need for and benefit of getting a second… Continue Reading …

How do you think about the trouble in your life? I counsel a lot of Christians who have a lot of adverse things happening to them. In a way, they are modern-day representations of Jonah—their difficulties are swallowing them up. One of the things I… Continue Reading …

What do you think about when a storm comes into your life? When things are dreadful, how do you wrestle through what’s happening to you? Where does your mind go? I suppose most of us succumb to the temptation to focus more on the storm… Continue Reading …

Have you ever wondered how it is possible to believe the right things yet do the wrong things? It happens regularly—at least to me. I am in situations where I have the opportunity to do the right thing. Sometimes, I make the wrong choice in… Continue Reading …

The heart of the gospel is about loving difficult people. Jesus came to seek and save the lost. His death on the cross for undeserving people is the primary example that teaches us this grand imitateable truth of loving our friends and foes well (Ephesians… Continue Reading …

Forgiveness is the exclusive domain and the divinely given privilege of the redeemed. Non-Christians cannot be free from sin because God resists the proud, and He will not forgive any transgression until they humble themselves by becoming children of the light. Believers, however, can experience… Continue Reading …

During the six months I worked with Mable, I began reorienting her life toward a God-centered way of thinking and living. The process was not easy, and there were a few setbacks. Perseverance was vital, as well as her humility. God does provide His empowering… Continue Reading …

I have a friend who lived in open adultery for eighteen years. He was not a Christian and was not shy about his lifestyle. His wife, like Mable, knew most of his sins. My friend’s wife chose to honor God by staying in the marriage.… Continue Reading …

When a marriage grows cold, and only one spouse is willing to work on it, that spouse must juxtapose two Biblical responsibilities: being free in Christ while working on the marriage alone for the advancement of the gospel. Paul said in Philippians 1:12, reflecting upon… Continue Reading …

When a person does not trust God, there are three primary reasons. I call these our faith-killers. We cannot trust God if we are angry with Him. We cannot trust God if we are afraid of Him. We cannot trust God if we do not… Continue Reading …

Once Mable understood the gospel, I began to walk her through how she should respond to Christ. The gospel is God’s most extravagant outpouring of His love to the world. There is nothing more profound that the Father could have done to prove His love… Continue Reading …

A common rebuttal to the need theory concept is that we need love. I understand the perspective, but the truth is that we need a relationship with God; if we have that, and our relationship with Him is proper, our demands on other humans to… Continue Reading …

The most significant trap that tripped up Mable was that her desire for marriage and companionship had morphed into something God never intended. She had gotten caught up in the self-centered craving for perceived needs, as popularized by our culture. She saw the good God… Continue Reading …

After a couple of sessions of getting to know Mable, I began to ask her specific questions regarding her fundamental understanding of theology and how that theology worked out practically in her life. I knew that if I could uncover what she believed about God… Continue Reading …

I met Mable at a conference, where she approached me with a soft-bound copy of my Help! My Marriage Has Grown Cold booklet in her hand. She said that God had transformed her life and marriage through this little booklet. She asked me to sign… Continue Reading …

A happy home does not just happen. Like all good things, you must have a plan and be willing to execute hard work (Luke 14:27). The good news is that Christians have the schematic for happiness, which begins with confession and moves into forgiveness. The… Continue Reading …

A pastor asked, “As a full-time elder and pastor for twenty-seven years, I have seen and walked with people through many forms of offenses and relational conflict. Your resources are helpful and needed in the church today. In the following scenario, I wonder if you… Continue Reading …

Over the past few decades, the biblical counseling movement has grown within the local church, reminding believers how the gospel speaks to all of life, regardless of the state of the person’s soul—pre-saved or saved. In a way, this movement is taking steps to reclaim… Continue Reading …

Biff asked, “As a believer, does God’s Word require me to forgive a relative of mine time after time—essentially let her off the hook—for her unkind behavior and attitude toward me and the many cruel and untrue things she has done behind my back to… Continue Reading …

Mable came to me, exclaiming, “I’m frustrated! I am always approaching my husband with my sin, asking for his forgiveness, but he seems never to see his need to ask me for forgiveness. Many times he won’t even bother to forgive me. What am I… Continue Reading …

Forgiveness is only one aspect of the change process. Forgiveness is not a complete change because there are several links—after forgiveness—in the repentance sequence. However, forgiveness is a vital mile marker that leads to complete repentance, making this step non-negotiable because we cannot experience transformation… Continue Reading …

Forgiving yourself is an odd teaching that has crept into Christians’ understanding of sanctification. It’s part of the culture’s futile way of thinking, hoping to get rid of their sins. They must try because they sense the same shame we do, but because they reject… Continue Reading …

We watched The Blind Side a few weeks after it came out. We had heard rave reviews about the movie. Nearly every review, from the network of movie reviewers connected to Hollywood to many of my friends, gave it the proverbial two thumbs-up. The conservative… Continue Reading …

Have you ever granted forgiveness to someone who hurt you? Did you mean it? Did you really mean it? Or did you say, “I forgive you,” because it is the Christian thing to do? I’m not asking this question with a cynical eye. I’m asking… Continue Reading …

Biff destroyed his marriage. Shortly after that, he experienced conviction from God for what he did. His repentance was genuine, as affirmed by his pastor, several other church leaders, and two of his workmates. In response to the Lord’s maneuvering in his heart and with… Continue Reading …

In our culture today, the phrase “I’m sorry” has become our first response when we sin against each other. The term has nearly wholly replaced biblical forgiveness. It is a passive statement that does not require the offender and offended to engage in meaningful, biblical… Continue Reading …

Forgiveness is one of the most challenging concepts for Christians to come to terms with, especially when someone has hurt them. The recipients of unjust and unkind actions experience legitimate disappointment that does not always go away quickly. Fortunately, we do not have to despair:… Continue Reading …

Self-reliant people live in a self-constructed, self-sustained worship structure that diverts their faith in God to rely on themselves, hoping to engineer pre-determined outcomes. It is not anyone’s real world because complete self-sufficiency is an impossible feat to achieve. No finite soul can be totally… Continue Reading …

It’s easier to trust God when you’re in control of things than when you’re out of control and you’re unsure what will happen next. Being in control provides you with a sense of security, confidence, and comfort, albeit it’s man-made. The downside to this human-centered… Continue Reading …

Dying to ourselves is the hardest thing we will ever do, and it’s not a one-time appointment with God. Death to self is a repeated act of submitting ourselves to the Lord. The good news is that He helps us in this life-long process by… Continue Reading …

Utopia does not exist on planet Earth. It’s a mirage in a desert. It’s like someone attempting to be perfect; he does not exist either. My goal here is not to rain on anyone’s parade but to help gain a better perspective on living well… Continue Reading …

Striving for self-generated perfection is as futile as attempting to save ourselves because it perpetuates internal turmoil and frustrates our closest friends. Though God does not want us to live sloppy, haphazard lives, He does want us to know that perfection comes through our weaknesses—our… Continue Reading …

If our aim is perfection, we have two options. We can strive to be perfect through our strengths or accept someone else’s perfection as ours. The first option is not tenable because we cannot live mistake-free, unless we lowered the high standard of perfection to… Continue Reading …

An unguarded strength is a double weakness because we rarely guard our strengths because we think of them as good, not realizing that our abilities can entrap us, keeping us from relying on God. Let me illustrate my point with a counseling session with a… Continue Reading …

Boasting in your weakness is a strange juxtaposition of words. Typically, you don’t connect boasting with weakness unless you mock someone about their inability to accomplish a feat. We call it bullying. But in God’s economy, boasting is something every Christian should do as they… Continue Reading …

The situational difficulties we face are the contexts that reveal our hearts, which is how God purifies our faith and obedience. These personal, relational, and situational challenges are our opportunities to follow Jesus in the Christian’s call to suffer. Paul discussed it as boasting in… Continue Reading …

A cracked jar of clay does not have to be a bad thing: if you know the potter. God prefers His creation to be fragile jars of clay, so He can display His miraculous, surpassing power to our friends and the culture. Of course, there… Continue Reading …

A lady asked, “Would you be willing to write about living with an immature husband and how to respond to him biblically? I need help; I would much appreciate it if you could give me some advice.” Her question is not new to me. We… Continue Reading …

When discussing submission problems in a marriage, we should equally scrutinize the submission and leadership constructs. It’s not an either/or proposition. For example, a half analysis focuses solely on the man’s leadership or the wife’s submission, leaving holes in the reconciliation process. We must examine… Continue Reading …

It is common for someone to confuse their various roles within a hierarchal structure and their coequality with everyone within those structures. For example, a wife can be a sister, mother, employer, employee, church member, and citizen. She fits within all those structures and she’s… Continue Reading …

Every wife is equal to her husband, even though there is a call on her life to submit to him. These are not opposing truths but a biblically common sense perspective on marriage. Hierarchy and equality do not compete but expand the possibilities for how… Continue Reading …

A wife can be a husband’s most significant asset or a complicating liability. Most of us know this about our complementary roles in our marriages, but I wonder how many wives have thought through how to be an asset to their husbands by humbly leading… Continue Reading …

Harshness is one of the most typical forms of anger, and the most common context for it is within a family construct, especially between a husband and wife. When you put two or more sinners in a box for an extended period, their rawest Adamic… Continue Reading …

Sometimes you can forgive someone for their sin against you and reconcile with them. It’s a beautiful picture of the power of the gospel. Other times you can forgive them, but you won’t be able to reconcile with them, another picture, albeit incomplete, of the… Continue Reading …

Sometimes in some relationships, a person will utilize unforgiveness as a tool for self-protection. They weaponize unforgiveness, even if they do so unwittingly. They might hold on to unforgiveness because they have been hurt so many times by the same person, usually a spouse. They… Continue Reading …

Imperfect people are a universal problem. Most of the time, we do not struggle with the quirks of our fallenness—until we start living with one of those imperfect people. When you put two sinners in a box for an extended period, there will be problems,… Continue Reading …

A wife can be a husband’s most significant asset or his greatest liability. Most of us know this because people who live with each other affect those in the home—for good or evil. However, I wonder how many wives have thought through how much of… Continue Reading …

How honest can you be with your spouse? Is your marriage vulnerable, safe, and robust enough to communicate honestly? Are you free from critique and condemnation, releasing you to talk transparently with your mate? How much have things changed since dating, when communication was not… Continue Reading …

What makes Life Over Coffee different from other training organizations? Before moving on, will you “pause the tape” to answer my question? See how well you understand our purpose—what we are about, or if we need to improve how we communicate our purpose to you… Continue Reading …

No book can help your unique husband to become a better husband like you can. Sure, there are a zillion books, and we have the Bible, too. But when it comes to a wife’s role in helping her husband mature in Christ, she is his… Continue Reading …

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” The wisdom of Proverbs teaches how we will eat the fruit of our words, whether our words are good or bad. This truth can be particularly… Continue Reading …

What is the consistent spiritual direction of your home? Who is leading the family in that direction? Who is following the leader of your home? There is only one correct answer to these questions: the Lord must be leading the family, and everyone else should… Continue Reading …

Because of the clarity of God’s Word, the path to life change is not mysterious or elusive. If it were complex, we’d all be in a mess. Did you know that Paul gave his protege, Timothy, a practical plan for change that we can replicate… Continue Reading …

If you know someone who is not changing, do not despair. There is a way to help them. I’m not suggesting they will change even if you did everything perfectly, but there is a process for transformation that every Christian should know. I will break… Continue Reading …

Will you test yourself before you read this chapter? What are your thoughts toward those you would like to see change, especially those not responding the way you hoped they would? My aim is for you to consider the motives and methods you employ when… Continue Reading …

Sometimes, when people hear the term biblical counseling, they think about a two-tier system within Christianity: those who can counsel and those who cannot. When I talk to some Christians about biblical counseling, they step back mentally while disqualifying themselves by saying, “I can’t do… Continue Reading …

In any discipleship situation, the discipler’s theology must inform their discipleship process. Theology and application act as guardrails to keep the counseling process moving in the right direction while avoiding the inevitable hazards that inferior theology and deficient applications cause. Maintaining this type of counseling… Continue Reading …

Every person who comes to you does not always fully invest themselves in being free from their problems. I’m not suggesting they are insincere. I’m speaking to the complexity of some issues and the accompanying heart entanglements that have become part of a person’s life… Continue Reading …

Your friend comes to you with a secret sin. You are his accountability partner, and he asks you to keep his sin secret. How would you respond to him? Is it okay to pledge confidentiality or have an expectation of it? Does confidentiality have value… Continue Reading …

Are you more concerned about what God thinks about your sin or what others think about your sin? How you answer this question will determine the quality of your life and the way you interact with your friends. If you’re more concerned about God’s view… Continue Reading …

Did you know it’s possible to know God but still have a hard heart? Though we have many means of grace, like prayer, the Bible, our local churches, and each other, Christians are not impervious to the infiltration of sin or its dastardly effects. It… Continue Reading …

God did not create all friends equally. You have some friends you want in your inner circle because they are biblically mature and reciprocating. Perhaps there are others that you must keep at arm’s length because they are tedious and require more work to maintain.… Continue Reading …

A friend asked how you encourage someone when they are angry at God for what happened to them. The lady is mad because Sovereign Lord did not protect her from horrific victimization. He has been meeting with her for weeks and wondered if he should… Continue Reading …

Job’s wild ride through the crucible of suffering was coming to an end. The devil was nearing defeat, the Lord was receiving glory, and Job was changing. I knew the first two things would happen: Satan would lose, and God would win. What I did… Continue Reading …

When things do not go according to our plans, and the losses keep mounting, it’s only a short step from walking away from God and the caring friends who are willing to persevere with us and our suffering. It is possible to get to that… Continue Reading …

Does anyone love God because of who He is, or do we love Him for what we can receive from Him? I’m not implying it’s wrong to want things from the Lord because we should desire things from Him, like His salvation. However, there is… Continue Reading …

We have two possible responses to our problems. We can be problem-centered or God-centered. That’s it. The first reaction leads to anxious complaining and fear-motivated comments. Been there, done that. The second response is the path to peace, even while we are suffering. It’s hard… Continue Reading …

Sometimes, God can seem distant and possibly disinterested in what is happening in our lives. The silence of God is deafening as we seek answers when life takes a turn for the worse. We feel all alone on the ground level, a painful loneliness that… Continue Reading …

What the world, flesh, and the devil mean for evil, the Lord God Almighty intends for our good, creating a unique place where good and evil intersect to do battle in a Christian’s life. That spot is our crucible of suffering. While in it, confusion… Continue Reading …

Silence does not have to be a bad thing, even the silence of God. Quick to listen and slow to speak is biblical, according to James. The gifts of reflection and pondering seem lost in our impulsive, ready, fire, aim culture. There are times when… Continue Reading …

We have no choice about personal suffering (Genesis 2:16-17). It is part of the human condition, Christian or non-Christian. Suffering does not discriminate. Not even Christ could escape personal pain and disappointment, including a mob murdering Him on the cross. To be human is to… Continue Reading …

Sometimes the words we share with our hurting friends are not the best to say, albeit I realize we can say them unwittingly. Oh, how I wish I could rewrite many scenarios in my zealous Christian youth when I had more words than wisdom. It… Continue Reading …

Let’s Start Here: Are you problem-centered or God-centered? A quick way to analyze my question is by assessing your most common responses to the problems the Lord brings to your life. All things, big and small, provide the contexts for us to examine the strengths… Continue Reading …

Letting God be God is one of our greatest fears. When the circumstances are the most adverse, the temptation will be the strongest to bring God down to our level so we can argue with Him. This instinct is not unusual; we do it with… Continue Reading …

Children are born gaslighters, something that is no surprise to you, I’m sure. Kids, just like the rest of us, want what they want and have the propensity to use any means to get it. Since kids are small and relatively powerless, gaslighting as a… Continue Reading …

What would you rather have if you only had one choice: a change of circumstances or a change of mind about your circumstances? My question is critical and ties directly to the quality of life you will experience with God and others, especially when things… Continue Reading …

Everyone knows God comes through for us when we get what we want. Did you know He comes through for us when He gives things we do not want or appreciate? What did the Lord do for you that you did not understand at the… Continue Reading …

God operates with unexpected purposes that come in unsuspecting moments. He does this because He can observe our lives from an eternal perspective as He stands outside time. His creatures have a limited field of vision that is no wider than what we can see… Continue Reading …

If you have all you need to live a godly life, why is there internal tension that resists doing the right thing, especially while living in a relationship with someone who struggles similarly? What is my role in the sanctification process, and where do I… Continue Reading …

The crucible of suffering reveals our most authentic thoughts about God and others. Sometimes the Lord puts us in that crucible, even while we are doing good things for Him and others, to prove our genuine faith. Job was a man like this. Say what… Continue Reading …

The pressures of life expose our strengths and weaknesses. It happens when things outside our control go awry; we either rally our souls under the Spirit’s power, or we come apart at the seams. The suffering is the test. In those moments of unexpected challenges,… Continue Reading …

The suffering God permitted into my life after becoming a Christian was surprising and devastating. Before God saved me, I thought that becoming a Christian insulated me from disappointment, which was a compelling reason to trust Christ. I anticipated my new religion to be an… Continue Reading …

To understand the dynamics of a broken marriage, you must first examine the unique influences and internal dialogs of each spouse’s heart. In this detailed marriage series, Mark Grant gives us an in-depth insight into a struggling couple’s longstanding communication problems while providing a path… Continue Reading …

We can agree that personal suffering is the one thing we fear the most. Who wants to suffer? Think with me for a minute. Certain things come to mind that tempt us to fear. Maybe you don’t spend much time thinking about your fears. Good… Continue Reading …

Most couples will cite “communication” as the problem when experiencing marital conflict, but this fails to grasp the contention’s complexity or spiritual aspect. To help Christian couples struggling with marital strife, they must have an accurate understanding of God, recognize how sin has radically changed… Continue Reading …

On April 8, 1988, it all went wrong. I would later call that day the “beginning of woes.” After a full day at work, I walked into our home shortly past 5 o’clock and noticed the missing piano in our living room. I immediately knew… Continue Reading …

Christ’s Royal Law (Matthew 22:36-40, James 2:8-9) requires us to love God and love others; in these two things, rightly understood, we fulfill all that the Lord asks of us. As we grow in love, the image of God that was effaced in the Fall… Continue Reading …

How many ways does the Lord have available for Himself to help us mature into Christlikeness? Most folks would say the Bible, prayer, church, and close friends. They are correct. Those essential means of grace are for growing us up into Christlikeness. Here’s another. Consider… Continue Reading …

Grumbling is a minor sin, but like tiny breadcrumbs leading you somewhere, the complaining person shows you the practical condition of their heart. The grumbler might not perceive what their words are saying about them or their need for a gospel recalibration, but you must… Continue Reading …

Working through pain is part of the human experience. Problems come and go as sparks fly upward. Trouble and trials began with the fall of humanity, and they will not go away until Christ comes to rescue us. The great news is that we can… Continue Reading …

When the only opinion in the room that matters to you is the Lord’s, you’re as free as you can be. If you’re like this, you are like Jesus, a man who was not under the management of anyone else. Nobody could manipulate Him because… Continue Reading …

To say that God is all you need reduces your life to a “you and God in a silo,” which might sound nice if you’re prone to spiritualize everything while not factoring in reality. Spiritualized sloganeering typically fails the eye test in real-world dynamics. For… Continue Reading …

The most crucial relationship in your life is God. The most practical way to experience Him is in a community of like-minded believers who are intentional about helping each other mature in their relationships with Him. To know God better means your primary relationships should… Continue Reading …

To fully release your vulnerable and intimate soul to another person, you must know the individual is trustworthy and will lovingly steward all of your inner truth. This quality in a marriage is one of a husband’s most critical leadership requirements as he leads his… Continue Reading …

We are relational beings because God created us in His image (Genesis 1:26). God, who has always belonged to a Trinitarian community, made us in such a way that we desire to belong to a reciprocal community (Genesis 2:18). Made in the image of God… Continue Reading …

What is the most trustworthy indicator of a person who has authentically changed? How can you know—as much as one can understand objective, practical transformation? “He said he changed but did he?” Many folks have asked this question, and thankfully, Paul gives us our answers.… Continue Reading …

When most folks think about giving, they automatically default to money. It makes sense because money is vital to living well in God’s world. But if money is the only thing we think about regarding giving, we will miss out on some of the most… Continue Reading …

God’s salvation is a gift that we must steward, though managing His salvation does not imply we can lose it, an impossible feat. But we must share it with others. Suppose we do not steward God’s salvation by extending His gift to others. Who knows,… Continue Reading …

The Christmas season is a double blessing for Christians. We get to celebrate the birth of Christ, a pivotal point of the gospel narrative, and we can enjoy the cultural Christmas too. Our family has always loved the cultural Christmas—gathering with friends, gift-giving, and the… Continue Reading …

The gospel is more than a birth-to-death story. The life and death of Christ are part of an incredible golden chain that reaches from eternity past to eternity future. The best news is that we can enjoy the full benefits of the gospel by faith—no… Continue Reading …

Merry Christmas, everyone. The holiday season is the best time of the year, especially when our focus is Christ as we celebrate His birth and what it means to us. The Christmas season is a snapshot of what our ministry is about, sharing the practical… Continue Reading …

Rick, what are your thoughts on Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy regarding what you tell your kids? Do you say these characters are real or not? Is this harmless fun, or is there a problem with deception? The culture continues to creep… Continue Reading …

On Christmas day, people all over the world exchange presents. It is a cultural event full of fun memories for most people. I like many aspects of the cultural Christmas, but sadly, it loses its meaning for many folks because of its secularization. For them,… Continue Reading …

When you get to heaven, what will be the first words out of your mouth? I suspect it will be something like “thank you” for many of us. Two words. Two syllables. Sometimes less is more. Because gratitude and appreciation will be proper then, what… Continue Reading …

Relatives can avoid each other and conflict because of their busy lives and lack of intentional interaction throughout the year. Then there are those troubling holidays—and a few other special occasions—where we must engage those we don’t usually hang with in our day-to-day interactions. Minimally,… Continue Reading …

There are two kinds of people in the world: Christians and non-Christians. Within these two groups are subgroups consisting of those you prefer to hang with and those with whom you would rather not spend your time. Loving others the way God loves us can… Continue Reading …

As a former lonely man who dreaded the holidays, I know encouragement from a friend can make all the difference in the world. The holidays can amplify what we don’t have, and if a person is not relationally connected, this season intended for special memories… Continue Reading …

Boys and girls are different. You cannot say that aloud or the culture will cancel you. But it’s true, and when it comes to the act of love in reciprocal relationships, the different ways they respond to each other are fully displayed. God made Adam… Continue Reading …

Being reproved or rebuked is tough stuff. Nobody enjoys it. I don’t! When someone comes along pointing out a flaw in your life, it’s typically a tense moment because it cuts against the grain of our Adamic hearts. To be willing to have others speak… Continue Reading …

One of the problems with some marriages is a lack of respect from the wife for the husband. A proper probing question follows: what does that mean? Is her lack of respect the entire problem in the marriage, or are there other complexities that might… Continue Reading …

There are two large groups of people in America today. They are the winners and the losers. The happy and the sad. The glad and the mad. The hopeful and the fearful. Which one are you after an American election? What does the state of… Continue Reading …

Did you know God puts you in spots where He expects you to fail? This perspective might sound harsher than it is at first glance. But what if God could use your sins, mistakes, shortcomings, and weaknesses for your good and His glory? Have you… Continue Reading …

Did you know that the rearing of the Millennial and Gen-Z cultures differs from the rest of us? Newsflash: It’s true! The moral lines were more straightforward for you and me: sin was a sin, and it was evident to most anyone. Regrettably, the culture… Continue Reading …

From a degree of difficulty perspective, Halloween is the most challenging of all our American holidays. We must give a little mental energy to this tradition for a few days every October. The good news is that this makes Halloween no different from any other… Continue Reading …

Have you ever wondered what happens to a person who exchanges the truth of God for a lie? Perhaps you know someone who has made this troubling exchange. They were once walking in the truth of God’s Word, but now they have created a new… Continue Reading …

Have you ever been alone? I’m speaking of the worst kind of loneliness, not your run-of-the-mill loneliness you experience as you wait for someone to show up. I’m speaking of a sting that penetrates the depths of a person’s soul. This peculiar isolation differs from… Continue Reading …

“He was nothing like this when we were dating. He would send me little notes, hold the car door open, and be thoughtful about almost everything. I’m not sure I exist in his world, except when he wants sex. I seem not to matter anymore.… Continue Reading …

The litmus test for a mature Christian leader is their ability to replicate themselves into someone else. If a leader does not copy himself into another person, the Christian mission stops—at least in that Christian’s immediate sphere of influence. A Christian leader is always thinking… Continue Reading …

What does your pastor think about when he thinks about you? Does that question sound strange to you? Perhaps you belong to a larger church where your pastor does not know you. Okay. But there is a leader at your church who does know you.… Continue Reading …

Paul told us husbands to nourish and cherish our wives. It’s stunning when you realize how much unfolds from these two words. Did you know if we understand and practice them correctly in our marriages, the benefit for us and our wives is invaluable, including… Continue Reading …

This prayer is the primary one that teaches me how to walk in the Spirit. The Lord has used this prayer more than any other to keep me focused and directed. I pray some version of this prayer several times throughout my day, though not… Continue Reading …

When you think about the characteristics of a good leader, what comes to your mind? I suspect many of us would think about a pastor of a church or a boss in the workplace or perhaps a husband or father. Those roles would be worth… Continue Reading …

One of the most challenging situations with any counselor or counseling ministry is placing counselees in a long-term “sanctification context” in their local churches where they may receive ongoing, life-long care from competent disciple-makers. At best, formalized biblical counseling is a fleeting season in a… Continue Reading …

One of the kindest things we can do is introduce a biblical sin plan to our families so they can enjoy the full benefits of the gospel. If we do this, we will begin to release an entire generation of people who will sin but… Continue Reading …

When I was a single man during the 90s, I worked a third-shift, dead-end job at a glue factory. There were about thirty employees, three of whom were practicing lesbians. I was grateful to have the job, but it was a difficult place to work… Continue Reading …

A lesbian walked into my counseling office looking for help. She had grown weary of her lifestyle, had a remote association with God, and thought maybe He was in her problems somehow, some way. She needed help sorting things out. It’s a great story. I… Continue Reading …

There are two objective positives from being part of a group. One is that you all believe the same things. It’s the upside to “groupthink.” Not necessarily bad. The second is a psychological positive of feeling good to be part of the group. You believe… Continue Reading …

Depression is a complicated problem that is the center of much debate. And though those arguments will always continue, there are a few things that you can do when struggling with depression. These practical suggestions will give you hope and will provide guidance for those… Continue Reading …

Think with me for a moment about what it means to be a bit player in a grander epic. The Christian life is God inviting us into His story that is coming true. We are not inviting Him into our story, hoping He will make… Continue Reading …

There is an interplay between truth and freedom that dynamically changes your life. The more the truth of God’s Word anchors you, the freer you are. Our example, as always, is Jesus Christ. He was supposedly the freest man ever to live. People’s opinions did… Continue Reading …

Pride is a catch-all word for sin. You could say that pride is sin, and sin is pride. Pride is a helpful word in that it accurately describes our fallenness. It is a word we know and a word we understand. For example, when I… Continue Reading …

Our minds are an integral part of ourselves. The mind establishes a definitive trajectory for how we live in God’s world. Did you know the Christian mind is a progression into four different ones? Like mile-markers up the interstate, you begin with one type; it… Continue Reading …

One of the primary responsibilities of a wife is to disciple her husband. She is the number one sanctifying human agent in his life outside of himself, of course. Nobody knows more about him than she does. To disciple any person well, you must know… Continue Reading …

What is contentment, and how do we acquire it? Did you know it is a gift for the person who can live well on any point of the abundance to emptiness spectrum? Finding contentment seems elusive in our frantic and distracted world. Other matters weigh… Continue Reading …

Can a Christian walk away from God? To help work through this question, we must first recognize and accept that Christianity is not neat, and sin has never been respectful of our preferred categories. We also have to admit that this conversation is subjective in… Continue Reading …

The Internet is an angry place. It’s one of the sadder commentaries about the Internet period in church history to see how it has become a context to put our sinful hearts on full display before the world. Revealing my wicked heart is nothing new… Continue Reading …

God is calling us to trust Him. There is a plan for this, and we are part of His plan. The tension, of course, is that He’s the author of our stories, and we are not. Preferably, I want to be the writer of my… Continue Reading …

We have a herd mentality that drives us to conformity. The temptation to conform to the status quo is alluring. Rare individuals want to stand out and take a stand that is counter to the group’s norms, drawing attention to themselves that might be criticized.… Continue Reading …

Christian legalism is the bane of religion. It’s the persistent nemesis in all of our hearts. Though we usually discuss legalism regarding our salvation, I’m speaking about how it affects our sanctification after being born again. Most Christians I encounter do not struggle with a… Continue Reading …

There is an intrinsic nature to bitterness. The bitter person is like someone with a cup of poison. Each time they think about their problems, they take another sip. In most situations, the individual is not aware of what they are doing to themselves. It’s… Continue Reading …

People often ask me for parenting advice. It’s a broad subject, and depending on the age of the children and a host of other factors, my response is always different. Sometimes I tell them what we did, not because we have figured things out or… Continue Reading …

What would you say if you could share the top fifty things you would want your son to take into adulthood? If your son is young, you’re in a great spot to start teaching some of these things. If your son is in his teen… Continue Reading …

Every child, to varying degrees, is treated poorly by a parent. I wish I had another story to tell. Victimization is not okay or straightforward, but it is a fact about the fallout of fallenness. If the child does not know how to process the… Continue Reading …

It is not unusual for a marriage to be out-of-balance or spiritually off-kilter. There are many reasons for this problem between two formerly inseparable people who now have something between them that keeps them asymmetrical. Before addressing how to deal with a spouse who does… Continue Reading …

Patiently loving the abused while listening to their story to comprehend what happened to and in them is vital. Additionally, you will represent Jesus most effectively if you do not move faster than they can go. Of course, you want them to experience restorative freedom,… Continue Reading …

Sexual abuse is one of the most devastating and complicating sin crimes that someone forces on another human being. Though I don’t fully understand the horror of this type of abuse because it has not happened to me, I’ve sat with many victims of sexual… Continue Reading …

Anger is one of our most common temptations. You cannot put two imperfect people together for an extended period and expect them not to have conflict. Anger will always be a recurring feature of their relationship. Knowing how to navigate the conflict while removing the… Continue Reading …

Roll through your mental index, identifying the kind of person or people group you do not prefer, those you typically avoid. They do things you don’t like. Their attitude, mannerism, behavior, worldview, or [fill in the blank] is not your cup of tea. Perhaps it’s… Continue Reading …

Sometimes the English language is inadequate for conveying our thoughts. Words always seem to fall short when there is a personal or national tragedy. Tragedies remind me of Job’s friends who made a wise choice in the beginning not to speak so quickly. Horrific events… Continue Reading …

Everybody is a victim. We all received a raw deal. And life is not fair. I’m not mocking anyone, but merely stating the obvious. Nobody comes into the world unscathed. We’re fallen individuals. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve’s dastardly deed sent the… Continue Reading …

Few things are more frightening to a child than an angry dad. An angry father in the home is the metaphorical equivalent of rolling a child’s heart through a minefield. The angry dad forces the child to live between two worlds: strive to be perfect… Continue Reading …

When children are young, they believe their parents are impressive in about every way. As they grow older and create proper categories for living well with others, they begin to see their parents’ good and bad behaviors. Observing flawed lives in the family dynamic does… Continue Reading …

We live in two worlds at the same time, the physical and spiritual. We can see, touch, taste, smell, hear, and intimately engage each other in the physical realm. The spiritual world is all around us, too, but differently. We cannot touch, taste, smell, hear,… Continue Reading …

The angry heart does not have to direct its frustration toward anyone to complicate that relationship. All the angry person has to do is stand in the vicinity of those who receive the spillover of their anger. Whether you’re mad at someone or intoxicating the… Continue Reading …

I have been accused (my word, not theirs) of writing too much about how husbands need to change. Of course, my “accusers” are husbands. They may be right. I do think a lot about husbands for two primary reasons. I am a husband, which motivates… Continue Reading …

Transformation starts in a person’s soul as he relates to God while refusing to make excuses for why things are the way they are. The motivation for change must be a singular desire to glorify God while giving lesser consideration to the things happening in… Continue Reading …

Two radically different things are knowing God through personal study and experiencing Him in the crucible of suffering. This autobiographical short story briefly walks you through the worst day of my life, the day I met the Lord in the crucible of suffering. Everything changed… Continue Reading …

A husband who devalues his wife did not just become this way. There is always a trail that leads to this outcome. Devaluing a spouse is a symptom, not a cause. There are two ways to keep from marrying such a selfish, devaluing man. One,… Continue Reading …

New Testament sanctification typically happens in corporate contexts, not in isolation. It is appropriate to say that you can do many things by yourself, but sanctification is not one of those things; it’s not possible to image the Trinity by living apart from the community… Continue Reading …

If you want to change your life, you need a self-help book to guide you through the process. The good news is that there is a perfect book for you. It’s called the Bible, the world’s most perfect psychology book. Yes, the best psychology book;… Continue Reading …

Bible knowledge is incredible and a non-negotiable for any serious believer. But knowledge without application is futile, practically speaking. For the Bible to master any of us, we have to do more than read it. Think of it like two silos side by side. One… Continue Reading …

Traditional biblical counseling does not work well if a counseling session, sprinkled here and there, is all you have. That strategy places the burden of change on the counselor rather than on the individual who needs a new kind of habituated lifestyle. Biblical discipleship happens… Continue Reading …

Authentic health initiatives require both body and soul transformation. In my article, Let’s Talk about Losing Weight, Practically Speaking, I spoke about this crucial worldview on body health perspectives. A comprehensive approach to losing weight is the secret sauce because behavioral modification might provide quick… Continue Reading …

One of the most sensitive subjects we can talk about today is weight loss. It matters not if you’re a Christian; image-type discussions are more personal than the things we cannot observe about each other. Some folks are so opposed to talking about it that… Continue Reading …

Part of every Christian’s calling is to take care of their Father’s money. Stewarding finances is one of the many privileges that He gives to His children. It’s a stunning thought to think that God would entrust something so needful to steward for our good… Continue Reading …

How do you feel when inconsiderate people say unkind things about you? If you’re like me, it stings a bit. It’s exceptional for a person to shrug off uncharitable comments completely. In these unsavory moments, sometimes a person will throw up Matthew 7:1—Judge not, that… Continue Reading …

What are your thoughts about “his money and her money” in a marriage? Is it wise or unwise? Somewhere in between? As you ponder my questions, please include your thoughts on what a one-flesh marriage means. Perhaps you have heard the cliche about the left… Continue Reading …

God promised that life would be challenging because of the fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:17-19), and all those who came from the first couple would struggle similarly (Romans 5:12). From the fall of humanity to the end of… Continue Reading …

Anger is a relationship-fracturing phenomenon that happens too often between individuals. The angry heart desires something from someone who does not provide it or is not responding quickly enough. Because their desire is not finding satiation, the craving soul begins to manipulate the other person… Continue Reading …

All Christians bring parts of their past lives into their new salvation experience with God. If we do not see how we carry over these things from our pasts, we will continue to accommodate our old habits, practices, and delusions (Ephesians 4:22). The consequences can… Continue Reading …

Angry people are like puppets on strings, always controlled by their cravings—something they cannot get from others. James said it this way, “You desire and cannot have, so you murder.” The mad puppet can’t get what he wants, so he reacts with manipulative anger. The… Continue Reading …

Sinful anger is a universal problem. Everybody does it. For many people, it’s the most recurring sin pattern in their lives. It’s easier to be harsh than kind, to uncharitably judge than think the best, to shut people down than build them up. For the… Continue Reading …

Expressing anger through silence is an all-too-common communication conflict in too many relationships. The silent partner pretends the other person does not exist by ignoring them. Silent treatment sounds horrible enough, but if you place it within James’s framework for anger, what we’re talking about… Continue Reading …

There are times when it’s hard to tell if a person’s anger is righteous or not. Of course, there is the added issue of thinking the best of ourselves when it comes to our anger. Thus, the temptation to reclassify our angry moments is alluring.… Continue Reading …

The preaching of God’s Word is essential for life transformation but preaching alone is not enough to change lives and families. A transformational church is both a preaching center and a discipleship community. A preaching center and discipleship community work in tandem from the pulpit… Continue Reading …

Sinful anger is regularly minimized, even among Christians—or especially among Christians. We often reclassify anger to lesser-sounding offenses—to better-sounding sin categories. Typically, when I talk to people about being angry, the response is usually along the lines of, “Oh no, I’m not an angry person.… Continue Reading …

Have you ever wondered what is going on in the mind of the angry person? It’s not what you might think. Anger is our most common and problematic enemy that can set up camp in our hearts. If practiced often, it can become a habit… Continue Reading …

Let’s free associate: what goes through your mind when you think about rest? What does rest mean to you, and how do you obtain it? Perhaps it would be good to ask yourself if you are a restful soul. Knowing how to rest and being… Continue Reading …

There are times when we can deceive ourselves into believing we are doing good when we’re not. The deceptions of sin are subtle. Having someone speak into the things we cannot see is vital, which is what I did with Biff and Mable. This mindmap… Continue Reading …

There are times when you have to do hard things for those whom you love. You do the difficult things because—in some situations—it’s the best way to honor someone. Some caring friends have a hard time applying this truth to those they love. Usually, they… Continue Reading …

What do you want to be when you grow up? It’s not just a question for the high school graduate. I did not figure out what I wanted to be after growing up until I was thirty-eight years old. Some of us are a bit… Continue Reading …

Thinking about our past can be a good thing. There is a lot made of a person’s past in the counseling world. Our history is important because God was in our past. (cf. Jeremiah 1:5; Ephesians 1:3-11). The Lord did not show up in our… Continue Reading …

One of the unintended consequences of the biblical counseling movement is that counseling is for a select number of Christians. Though God has blessed the biblical counseling movement over several decades, one of the problems with the unprecedented growth is that we forgot to tell… Continue Reading …

Authentic and mature Christianity is always on the mind of any discipler because it is crucial to discern such things with those who receive your care. As much as you can subjectively understand, the actual spiritual condition of a person is essential to know. Here… Continue Reading …

Marital dysfunction and the potential separation of a spouse is a horrible experience that happens too often in Christian marriages. Did you know there is a way to separate well and a way to do it badly? Separation and divorce are not what we should… Continue Reading …

You have heard the saying, different strokes for different folks, right? It is a practical perspective when it comes to assessing people because every person presents a unique opportunity to figure out so you can care for them according to who they are. This concept… Continue Reading …

A biblical counselor interviewed Rick Thomas about a situation he is counseling with parents who discovered their child is watching porn. The counselor asked questions that are in italics with Rick’s responses underneath. The fictionalized, flattened version of the story is the dad came to… Continue Reading …

Loving people is the biblical thing to do. For some believers, over-loving or over-caring is not biblical but one of the most accessible temptations to fall into, especially with those you love the most. If you do “over-care” for those you’d like to experience change,… Continue Reading …

The transformation process is not mysterious, though it can be a big secret hidden from a Christian. The steps for repentance are objective, sequential, and transforming. You can change, and you can help others in their progressive sanctification. I want to help you distinguish between… Continue Reading …

We have no choice but to be dysfunctional. We’re all broken in different ways, as disordedness is part of what it means to be born in Adam. Even on our best days, imperfections appear like a stain under white paint. Our collective fallenness is why… Continue Reading …

Mable has struggled for many years with guilt. All of it is real, though much of it is not her fault. After twenty years of fighting, her guilt—true and false—is so convoluted that it is hard to sort it out. In one sense, it does… Continue Reading …

What comes out of your mouth when you do not get your way reveals your theology of suffering and theology of God, which shows your Christian maturity. Jesus was correct when He said that what comes out of our mouths explains what is happening in… Continue Reading …

One of our Supporting Members asked me about a worldview on having fun. She wondered if she was supposed to have fun, and she expressed how there seems to be an element of mystery about what fun should look like for a Christian. Are Christians… Continue Reading …

One-to-one interaction is the most efficient way to help another person change. For too many believers, discipleship in a community, in the context of a local church, is not the place where you see this kind of intentional reciprocality. Favorite books and popular preachers become… Continue Reading …

Some relationships can become so painful that you must retreat while implementing self-protective measures to prevent being hurt again. The unintended consequence is that the strategies for protection can imprison you, which is what happened to Mable. Her husband was harming her, so she did… Continue Reading …

The best marriages are those in which each partner’s distinct uniqueness works in a beautiful symmetry that enhances the other’s strengths while compensating for their spouse’s weaknesses. The worst marriages are those in which partners do not know how to help each other become a… Continue Reading …

Sometimes stereotypical counseling can get in the way of what you want to do with an individual, especially when the counselee has a preconceived, pessimistic instinct about where you want to go with him. You’ll see this with some teenagers, for example, because they sense… Continue Reading …

Why God blesses some and does not bless others is a complex and sensitive issue requiring theological carefulness. Without that kind of carefulness, you might have a misunderstanding of the Lord and His purposes in your life. Recently, a supporting member wrote me asking why… Continue Reading …

The whole world was at war in 2020. It was a war between good and evil. We understand skirmishes between military combatants, but the purpose of this chapter is not between those warriors in the traditional theaters. I’m addressing those other warriors—those who might not… Continue Reading …

Spiritual dullness in a community of Christlike disciple-makers is hard to imagine, but it happens all the time. We can lull ourselves to sleep, lose our gospel edge, and before long, we are ticking the Christian boxes without thinking. If the practice continues, we will… Continue Reading …

The interplay between our physical and spiritual selves does not get enough talk time within the Christian community, especially how a conflict between two people can lead to diminishing health. I have counseled some couples with declining health problems that parallel the acrimonious relationships with… Continue Reading …

All of us are victims. Adam dealt us a death blow. And to complicate matters, we’re also blameworthy. We are guilty victims or victim sinners if you wish. It’s not a comfortable thought, but it’s an accurate one. Everyone practically possesses these two polarizing truths.… Continue Reading …

God is not looking for a few good men or women or folks with specific character traits. It’s not our personalities or our wits that God wants. That is not how it works in the “grace of God world” where you and I live. Though… Continue Reading …

When it comes to our reputations, the Christian has two choices from which to choose. We can build a personal, sacred monument to ourselves, or we can choose to enhance the reputation of Christ. When we take our theological exams, we know which box to… Continue Reading …

All Christians have one common problem that sits foundationally at the core of their being; it is the biggest struggle in their lives. It makes sense, right? If each person’s mightiest battle were unique to them and dissimilar to everyone else, you’d have to be… Continue Reading …

Where in the world is worldliness? How you answer this question will determine how you live out your Christian experience in God’s world. Your “system of Christian practice” flows from how you answer the worldliness question. Let’s investigate legalism. In this series: Part One and… Continue Reading …

Legalism is a complicated subject. It stirs passionate responses from many Christians. If you’re in a legalistic culture, it’s hard to get out. If you did come out of it, it’s typical to overreact by going to anti-rule excesses. In this two-part series, I will… Continue Reading …

The word gospel has been the most popular word in evangelicalism for many years. You can’t go wrong with the gospel. Or can you? Is it possible for God’s creation to take a good thing like the gospel and twist it into something not right?… Continue Reading …

I wrote this piece in 2012 originally. I’m republishing it with a few edits since the sad saga continues to unfold. I was part of Sovereign Grace Ministries from 2003 to 2008, and for four of those years, I served as a pastor. It was… Continue Reading …

Every person has an idea of the kind of life they want. There is nothing wrong with thinking about your life while planning for a preferred outcome. But because of our universal fallenness, things do not always work out the way we hoped. How we… Continue Reading …

Homosexuality is one of the more sensitive issues today, which should cause heightened awareness for Christians to guard their attitudes regarding how we respond to this problem. Following Paul’s advice would be wise when it comes to interacting with the gay culture. We must be… Continue Reading …

What do you do when a Christian does not want to restore his relationship with God and others? Fortunately, the Bible does not leave us in the dark about this vital subject. Some people call it church discipline. Others call it church restoration. Both of… Continue Reading …

These are the actual counseling notes from a friend that I met with for counseling. She permitted me to share them, which I altered slightly and flattened out for public distribution. Counseling notes miss a lot of data. While they cover the breadth of one… Continue Reading …

Emotional abuse is real and painful. If ongoing, it can have a detrimental effect on your body and soul. Understanding emotional trauma biblically is vital, which is why the term “emotional abuse” is misleading, unhelpful, and sub-biblical. The Bible has a better way of thinking… Continue Reading …

Do you love Jesus with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 22:36-40)? Do you not particularly care for all of His children? Is there any individual in the body of Christ with whom you find it hard to like? Perhaps you can… Continue Reading …

How do your attitudes, words, and actions move people? Our behavior motivates people in one direction or the other. We are pushing people toward Christ or away from Him. We’re not responsible for their choices, but we are vital secondary actors who must always think… Continue Reading …

The sin that nobody wants to talk about is our penchant for pornography. If you want to silence a small group setting, bring up the topic of porn. It’s uncomfortable because so many of our friends are addicted to it, and for many of us,… Continue Reading …

Apart from your profession of faith, what is the supporting evidence you have that demonstrates that you are a Christian (John 3:7)? It’s a bold question, I know. But wouldn’t it be worthwhile on this side of heaven to evaluate such a vital matter? While… Continue Reading …

Member Question – One issue I struggle with is the death of friends or loved ones who never appeared to come to the saving knowledge of Christ. There is not a lot said on this issue. There is a great joy, of course, for the… Continue Reading …

Are you the victim of a generational curse? Is there something wrong with you that only makes sense when you filter it through a generational curse construct? Did you know that some Christians believe in generational curses? But what does the Bible say about these… Continue Reading …

How do you discern the difference between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow? Though the question may seem to be your “run-of-the-mill” Bible question, how you answer it will determine the quality of your life and relationships. You may want to read: Here Are Rick’s Counseling… Continue Reading …

Here is a simple parenting model you can immediately apply in your home. It flows out of two words in Paul’s parenting verse in Ephesians 6:4. Paul is urging dads to bring their children up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. Discipline… Continue Reading …

When a person sees ministry strictly as something they do at a church building that is separate from the rest of their lives, it is a setup for all sorts of problems—personally and relationally. We must not dichotomize ministry because all of life is our… Continue Reading …

A friend asked what I would say to a counselee I have yet to meet. I said that I have no idea what I would say until I meet them. I’m not sure what he wants or what he is going to ask me. I don’t… Continue Reading …

Counseling abuse situations is challenging. The temptations to succumb to bad strategies are numerous. One of those is teaching the abused to fake strength to prove to their abuser that gaslighting and manipulation have no power. It’s an attractive facade of a defense that further… Continue Reading …

Many teenagers still long for a relationship with their parents, but they are unsure how to have one or what their role could be in thinking correctly about a parent and the possibility of restoring what the parent has broken. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

On April 18, 1997, I got the call that nobody ever wants to receive. My sister-in-law called to let me know that she killed my brother. I remember writing in my journal that it was a sunny, 67-degree day. It was a perfect day—until that… Continue Reading …

Some stories are so bizarre that you can only respond with shock and unbelief. It breaks our categories and reinvents how we are supposed to think about God. It happens when we hear about a horrific event that is happening to someone. Then God interrupts… Continue Reading …

Some folks have hope, but their situation never changes. They give up and become cynical because they won’t know a different kind of future. Then some have hope that keeps them going regardless of unchanging circumstances. Their hope of the heart buoys them during the… Continue Reading …

Trials and disappointment are two unexpected ways the Lord blesses our lives. It’s a challenging way to think, but you know it’s true to the Bible’s narrative. The tension is that in those times in our lives where circumstances mount to such a degree, we… Continue Reading …

One of the many peculiarities of our over-psychologized age is our culture’s affinity for their various attempts to figure out personalities. The peculiarity is not so much with our culture’s fascination with the personality and human condition as it is how the church has jumped… Continue Reading …

Have you ever been in a situation with a person who needed your help but could not receive your help because your baggage was so significant that it interfered with what you could have done for the person in need? I’m talking about your hangups… Continue Reading …

There is a heightened awareness of the gospel—the person and work of Jesus Christ—during Easter. Christians worldwide are celebrating what many consider to be the centerpiece of His work on earth. It is great news; He’s out of the grave! Now what? Christ risen indeed… Continue Reading …

The more effectively you appropriate the death of Christ into your life, the more effectively you’ll be able to enjoy “a resurrection kind of Sunday” every day of the year. The key is knowing that your resurrection will only come after your death, which is… Continue Reading …

The resurrected Christian is a different kind of person—someone the world has never seen outside our community. The Christian is as diverse as darkness and light, death and life. For some Christians, their new birth’s authentic reality is challenging to practicalize in their day-to-day lives.… Continue Reading …

The best relationships are the messiest ones. At first glance, it sounds odd, right? How can good friendships be dirty? Because we’re fallen, broken people, and to live well with others requires getting into the muckiness of each others’ lives. If you’re interested in going… Continue Reading …

How many reasons can you think of as to why this is a mind-blowing Easter? Easter Sunday is the best day of the year for all Christians around the world. It would be a great exercise to list why you think it’s so. Will you… Continue Reading …

Understanding the other person in any relationship is foundational to building a life with them. If you don’t know them at a soul level, all your efforts to connect in an in-depth way will fall flat. You will end up as acquaintances, perhaps business partners,… Continue Reading …

There are instances when Christianity’s baggage can entrap a person, and they never realize it. They never connect a lack of consistent joy, constantly trying to control how people perceive them, and hiding longstanding flaws to the Christian life they live. They genuinely love God,… Continue Reading …

When you fall out of love with your spouse, your marriage takes a drastic turn that few couples can alter. Long before the love sets sail, there are signs that point to a future disappointing season. Mable saw the signs but did not reach out… Continue Reading …

Sometimes the job is so enormous that you can’t do it alone. You don’t have all the right gifts, the personality, the strengths, or the necessary know-how. It’s at these moments when you need something (or someone) more fabulous than you, a person who can… Continue Reading …

Have you ever trained a flea? It’s a simple process. You place a flea or a flock of fleas (not sure if flock is the right word) in a Mason jar and tighten the lid. Next, you leave the flea(s) in the jar for three… Continue Reading …

You have a friend in trouble. They appear to be at the end of themselves, but you’re not sure. You’re not uncharitably judging them, but you know that the only way they can experience restoration from God and satisfaction in Him is by being at… Continue Reading …

There is a problem trusting God when His ways seem foolish, and we have a well-worn habit of getting what we want through our self-reliant means. Of course, when we choose human wisdom and strength over God’s, it will have a debilitating effect on our… Continue Reading …

Children should not work for affection. Christian parents imitate God; one way to do this is by loving them just because they are their children. We know our children are not perfect, and there is a time to deal with their imperfections, but love should… Continue Reading …

Are you able to use sin sinlessly? I am asking how do you respond to the inevitableness of sin in your life, whether it is yours or someone else’s. When wickedness comes, it will drive us in one of two directions. We will either fixate… Continue Reading …

Have you ever been discouraged? Silly question, I know. You are human, and you have battled our discouraging foe. Finite people living in an uncontrollable, infinite world create a formula that leads to despair. Throw sin into the mix, and discouragement is a guarantee. I… Continue Reading …

Have you ever accused yourself of something that was not true? It’s when you gaslight yourself: telling yourself something that is not true. Any false argument launched against yourself can turn into a stronghold in your mind that could be spiritually debilitating. You are susceptible… Continue Reading …

Sometimes in life, you have to get in a conflict with someone. This dreaded reality is not a wish, desire, or prayer request but rather a common-sense perspective that comes with living in a sin-cursed world. It is impossible to have two humans living close… Continue Reading …

Have you ever felt upside down? Ever found yourself depressed? Discouraged? Apathetic? Have you ever felt like you were losing hope? It will be no surprise if you have been in such a place. And if you have, it means you’re a human. You are… Continue Reading …

Our mission is to help people by providing practical tools and ongoing training for effective living. The joy of the mission is that people come from all over the world, hoping to find help for their most pressing problems, and God has positioned us to… Continue Reading …

To say “I’m busy” is like saying I breathed air today. Being a Christian and not being busy is an oxymoron. The un-busy Christian is the problem of the person who does not take the gospel seriously. To use another analogy, we’re like kids in… Continue Reading …

Our published mission statement is to help people by providing practical tools and ongoing training for effective living. If you ask me, that is what I will tell you. But there is another mission statement I’m more passionate about, and it’s the driving force behind… Continue Reading …

What expectations have you had that did not come to fruition? How did you respond when you did not get what you had hoped? All of us have had dashed expectations. To expect stuff is human. So is not getting life the way you planned,… Continue Reading …

There is a surprising backstory to why this ministry exists today. You don’t know this story because the person the Lord chose to elevate this ministry was just a regular guy who was obedient to the Lord’s call on his life. I want to tell… Continue Reading …

In the last chapter, I talked about the differences between boys and girls and their unique sexual temptations. Now I’m going to talk about the long-term consequences of premarital sex by looking at a couple who had premarital sex and the long-term effects of their… Continue Reading …

One of the more surprising things I have learned from a career in counseling is that the average Christian does not know how to change. The Bible’s word for change is repentance. Knowing how to do it is the most important thing you will ever… Continue Reading …

A few years ago, I was speaking with a friend who had a troubled conscience. She did not tell me that she had an uneasy conscience, but after spending time with her, it became apparent that she had a lot of anxiety in her soul.… Continue Reading …

Most relationships begin with a lot of talking and not so many frustrations. As the communicators continue in their relationship, complexity increases. Sometimes one of the partners becomes silent. He becomes quiet while the other partner is left to speculate on what happened. In this… Continue Reading …

It’s possible to let your thoughts run to places that are not redemptive during frustrating and disappointing times. We are in those times. The two primary strongholds are fear and anger. Fearfulness captures too many of us in dire situations while others respond angrily at… Continue Reading …

Disappointments come into our lives nearly every day. Getting what you want, how you want it, when you want it is not always possible in a fallen world. One of the essential assessments you could ever make about yourself is learning what your disappointments reveal… Continue Reading …

Is it possible to get to the point in your spiritual life where external things do not control you internally? The Bible says it is possible, but only through the portal of adversity. This truth is what Paul was hoping the Philippians would learn. … Continue Reading …

“I’m thinking about pursuing counselor training and had some questions about the process, as well as the type of training organization from which I should receive my training. The counseling movement has changed over the past fifty years. Would you be willing to speak to… Continue Reading …

Some husbands and wives can have a hard time putting a broken marriage back together. Typically, expectations and disappointments create a backlog of unresolved conflict. Unforgiveness sets in, the death toll to any relationship. When a couple gets to this point, pride becomes the unscaleable… Continue Reading …

An algorithm is a formula for collecting data about you to make your life better, so they say. It’s a collection of data bits that reflects your Internet habits; it’s a cyber-reflection of you. In marketing, an algorithm on a person helps sellers target specific… Continue Reading …

No human has absolute authority over another. This perspective should be common sense, but it’s not for everyone, including Christians. A dictatorial husband and father can put wives and children in a difficult spot, which begs the question that folks have asked me for decades:… Continue Reading …

One of the crucial keys to building a ministry or business is the process of redefining yourself. If you don’t do this, you will lose your impact and relevancy. Your voice in the marketplace will not grow. The “this is how we have always done… Continue Reading …

Paul said, “To live is Christ.” In four syllables, he explained why and what for his earthly existence. Apart from asking the Lord to regenerate you, you could not make a more life-transforming statement. Why was Paul living? Christ. What was his point of living?… Continue Reading …

When you think about your sanctification, what do you believe regarding your role in it? Are you beholding to passive or active obedience or both? Passive is sitting, soaking, and trusting, while active is doing something with your faith. When suffering comes, is trusting God… Continue Reading …

Have you been on the receiving end of gossip? How did you respond? What did your reaction reveal about your walk with the Lord? One of the most challenging relational opportunities is when someone gossips about you. When it happens, there are several options for… Continue Reading …

This presidential election cycle is my sixteenth. Admittedly, I do not remember the first one because I was one year old, and they would not let me vote. It was 1960. I do remember the second one in 1964, but I had no opinion other… Continue Reading …

What impact can the president of the United States have on our country? With so many moving political parts needed to make our country function well, can one person make that much difference? Is it possible that we have placed too much weight on the… Continue Reading …

How would you describe your worldview when it comes to children and education? What kind of school environment should you place your child into for their good and God’s fame? What are some of the elements of your decision-making that led to your choice? Rick… Continue Reading …

There are specific conditions where it’s more challenging to help a child change. It’s vital to know these things if your child is not walking with the Lord. The great news is that there is always hope because you can do something about it. Hope… Continue Reading …

Evil has never been as infringing on our families as it is today. If you wanted to find ubiquitous sin twenty years ago, you had to go somewhere to find it. Today you can get there in five seconds. Not only is wickedness easily accessible… Continue Reading …

If you could live your life over again, how would you live it differently? What values would you instill to give yourself a meaningful life? What if you could instill those values now? An excellent way to think about these things is to ask someone—people… Continue Reading …

To live a life that is honoring to God requires a person to rest well. If you rest well, you will work well, and the other parts of your life will be satisfying, too. So important is rest that without a sound theology and practice… Continue Reading …

The number one reason you need someone is not to meet your deepest longings but to image the Trinity in a relationship community. To fully grasp this, you must pretend—at least for a moment. Let’s go back to the Garden of Eden when there was… Continue Reading …

Every individual is part of the same human family, made by one Being, and connected to one another because of His creative work. The linkage that binds us together came from God’s mind and flowed through His creative hands—anthropomorphically speaking—in Genesis 1:27. Each person—regardless of… Continue Reading …

Our pastor said, and I paraphrase, “Toxic people are magnets who draw shards of truth and untruth into their orbit to build an image of their making to accomplish their purposes. Their hearts are fictional factories. If you permit them to do so, they will… Continue Reading …

Christians are aliens who live in a foreign land. This home is not theirs, but while they are here, they must live on a practical mission that penetrates the culture, hoping that others will follow them to their eternal home. Sadly, some alien Christians lose… Continue Reading …

What is the goal for your child? It’s a good and fair question. What do you hope for him or her to be when they grow up? Most Christian parents would rightly say they hope that their children love God with all of their hearts,… Continue Reading …

There is a problem for the Christian who believes he can live any way he wants to live because God has saved him. Though he is free from the penalty of sin, he is not free from idolatry’s consequences. Grace does not give him the… Continue Reading …

Daniel Berger and I talked about the word victim and how many biblical counselors are abusing the term, which has led to insufficient care within the biblical counseling movement ranks. Daniel told me the word victim comes from the Latin root vicarious, which means taking… Continue Reading …

Have you ever looked at something you disliked in the culture and then realized that you may be seeing a partial reflection of yourself? I hope so. If you can see yourself, at least some of your tendencies, weaknesses, and untoward desires in the things… Continue Reading …

A counseling office is a place for trust, truth, and honesty, but sometimes getting to this place is not straightforward. For example, a counselee may withhold the truth about themselves because they are not confident the counselor is trustworthy. They are vetting the counselor. Every… Continue Reading …

When you’re right about something, you know you’re right, the Bible affirms you’re right, and your friends do too, how do you steward your knowledge? Have you ever been right in the past, but now you believe differently? You were not right, but you thought… Continue Reading …

A struggling teen is every parent’s concern. We all know that there is something dynamic happening to our teenagers, and the decisions they make during this season of their lives will set the course for the rest of their lives. If they are not doing… Continue Reading …

Being a victim of anything is one of the most challenging circumstances for a hurting soul to negotiate. The journey out of the effects of victimization is long. Some contours will challenge the victim to the broadest expanse of their soul. Their ultimate goal is… Continue Reading …

When abuse forms the lens through how you view what is happening in your life or among friends, it may discolor how you interpret and react to those experiences. I’m not suggesting that bad things are not happening to you or your friends, but I… Continue Reading …

In each election cycle, finding the best candidate can be a daunting and challenging task. To vote or not to vote is rarely the question, but who to vote for can be a problem. This year is no exception. The adage is true: what you… Continue Reading …

Whenever we bring words, language, and constructs from the culture and wedge them into a biblical paradigm, things become awkward, and emotions tend to erupt. This problem is what has happened with the word abuse. We grabbed it from the world, with all its accompanying… Continue Reading …

One of today’s most popular and accepted lifestyles is LGBTQ+. The plus (+) symbol at the end means it’s a living label; you can keep adding to it. How does this new and accepted way to think about gender and gender roles make you feel?… Continue Reading …

The word abuse has become a catchall phrase with too many Christians. It’s a construct that is full of all sorts of things, and it’s now in danger of losing its worth. When you dilute a subject to include virtually anything, the original meaning is… Continue Reading …

Cornelius Van Til said there are no neutral facts. Meaning that two people can look at the same thing and come away with differing perspectives, and both of them are right. For example, a married couple can talk about the same event in different ways,… Continue Reading …

If you were to lose the most precious thing in your life, how would you respond? Perhaps you have lost something meaningful to you. If so, you’re well aware of the strength of your faith in your time of loss. I was thinking about these… Continue Reading …

If a family member or friend does not meet your expectations, what is your primary way of motivating them to change? Do you encourage them toward a better way of living, or do you use other methods like criticism, nagging, and condemnation that tempt them… Continue Reading …

Are you an attractive person? I’m not speaking of cultural attractiveness. The peak of attractiveness has a biblical look to it. Jesus was a holy and righteous man, and non-religious people were comfortable hanging with Him. That’s the picture of attractiveness that I’m going for… Continue Reading …

Every family in America has experienced the adverse impact of sexual-related issues. The Internet, sexual abuse, fornication, adultery, and our bent toward immodest clothes, makeup, and presenting ourselves a certain way are part of the word cloud that describes this sexual pandemic. What may surprise… Continue Reading …

People are not equal. It’s a rational idea, but not everyone believes it. Some folks think there can be no disparities between individuals. Everyone gets a trophy. They teach that all outcomes must be the same, even if we have to twist the truth and… Continue Reading …

Proverbs 26:4-5 says that I’m supposed to respond to a fool, and then it says that I’m not to respond to a fool. What is the difference? How am I to know when I should respond to a foolish person or move on with my… Continue Reading …

If you don’t look out for number one, you will fall by the wayside. Don’t expect anyone else to do it for you. Thus, the question is if you don’t do it, who will? Who is going to take care of you? Probably nobody, which… Continue Reading …

Abuse is a broad category. In today’s culture, it may include micro-aggressions, which can be anything from subtle to intentional slights toward another person. On the other end of the abuse spectrum are some of the most heinous events that can happen to a human being.… Continue Reading …

2020 has brought about a new normal for almost everyone globally, part of which is the amping-up of the “woke crowd” in America. These seemingly new voices have chosen various political, social, and even religious subjects to express to the world that they are now… Continue Reading …

What do you expect from life? If you’re like me, you have many expectations, and some of them have not come to pass. To have expectations is to be Christlike. To have your expectations managing you is not like Christ. Your attitude about God, self,… Continue Reading …

Biff wants to begin a counseling ministry in his local church. The leadership is aware of the church’s sanctification needs; they want help and humbly acknowledge this need. They asked Biff to propose a plan. He asked me how to go about this new endeavor.… Continue Reading …

One of the essential goals of parenting is the practice of releasing your children to the culture where they will eventually live. Part of this process is for them to live less under the governance of the parent’s rules and more under God’s authority. As… Continue Reading …

What do you want? What would you like to have? Do these desires come from the heart of contentment? To want something does not have to be wrong. We should always want all kinds of things throughout our lives. To not want things is not… Continue Reading …

Is there someone in your life with whom you struggle? Stated differently, who bothers you? Has someone done something that has brought friction into your relationship with them? What if you flipped the question around: have you done something to someone that has caused friction?… Continue Reading …

There are many benefits to living in our world, and you should not feel guilty about these good things. However, we can become so accustomed to “our way of life” that when something disrupts our expectations, it can dismantle us. It’s precisely in these moments… Continue Reading …

As the divide in our country continues to widen, the temptation to be harsh, sinfully angry, or retaliate in ungodly ways toward those who think differently from you is high. There are times when we can think more highly of ourselves and less considerate of… Continue Reading …

“Tough love” has become one of the mantras in modern Christian culture, i.e., love languages. Like many popularized sayings, it has taken on an unintended—harsh—meaning that does not bring about the peaceful fruit of righteousness. What do you think about tough love? What comes to… Continue Reading …

You’re only as strong as your hope, and if your main hope is not in Christ, you are not as strong as you should be. The way to know where you have placed your primary hope is by how you react to the difficulties and… Continue Reading …

There is something about the title that sounds counterintuitive to our self-reliant and self-protective lives. Even so, doesn’t it have a biblical ring to it? You die to live (Matthew 16:24-26). You humble yourself to be exalted (Matthew 23:12). You give up something to gain… Continue Reading …

In God’s mind, your life is over. He sees the end from the beginning. The Lord stands outside of time—a macro view, looking inside your timeline, which has a start and end date, and He’s helping you navigate your journey. You’re not sure where you’re… Continue Reading …

Many marriages, families, and churches have a common link—a missing one. In a word, it’s fellowship. I’m not speaking of having a social conversation with someone. Biblically speaking, fellowship is when two or more people willingly, humbly, openly, transparently, honestly, and vulnerably share themselves reciprocally,… Continue Reading …

Describe the aroma of your home. Would you say it’s a place where joy, gratitude, and thanksgiving are regularly wafting through the rooms? As you think about the environment in your home, perhaps you can narrow the focus down to yourself (Matthew 7:3-5). How aggressive… Continue Reading …

Some individuals within a specific ethnic group have been guilty of making every person within another ethnic or demographic the same. For example, all whites are the same; all blacks are the same; everyone on the alt-right is the same, as well as those on… Continue Reading …

When your companion is darkness rather than light and your circumstances are overwhelming you in a season of acute need, there is no more of a critical time in life for God to reveal Himself to you. But sometimes your answer to your praying is… Continue Reading …

God creates children in His image. Parents have a responsibility to shape their children for God with the hope and prayer that when they are old enough to understand, they will follow Him. Then things get off track. The parent makes mistakes. The child reacts… Continue Reading …

Gaslighting is the mental manipulation that someone does to another individual. It’s a psychological maneuver of abusive-type people who want to control you by making you believe you’re guilty of something you did not do. If they persist, you may give up and accept what… Continue Reading …

You can be an adulterer, but as long as you’re a civil rights activist, you’re accepted. You can be for killing babies, but if you’re not a racist, you’re okay. You can vote to legalize narcotics, but if you refrain from racist remarks, you’re fine.… Continue Reading …

I was chatting recently with a Christian counselor who said that her mentors taught her that Christian counselors should not show emotion during counseling sessions. She asked me what I thought about this kind of teaching. What do you think? It is okay to cry… Continue Reading …

Rick, recently you talked about how you tend to live on “military time” and Lucia lives on “island time” and how you both have had to work through your conflicting personality traits in your marriage. You also tied this to how the gospel speaks to… Continue Reading …

What is your primary way of relating to people? Do you connect superficially, or do you engage them where they live? I’m talking about reaching a person in their hearts. It is imperative to reach folks at the right place so that they can experience… Continue Reading …

One of the most natural things you will ever do is respond sinfully to the sin of another person. When you do this, it reveals a lot about how you think about yourself, the other person, and the Lord. Part of this problem is we… Continue Reading …

Once a parent, ever a parent. Even after a parent loses hands-on oversight and care of their children as they get older, they never stop thinking about them—always wondering and praying for their well-being. Before that sad day of their departure comes, I want to… Continue Reading …

Teenagers don’t have to be angry or disconnected, but many of them are. Rather than speculating on why they are this way, some practical advice on how to change would be appropriate. This article is for that teenager who is looking for help to change… Continue Reading …

A rebellious teenager is a complicated problem with many sides to it. Loving parents want to motivate this kind of child to change, but too often, they are not aware of all that is involved in helping him. Here are ten practical things that any… Continue Reading …

My friend has a hidden, secret sin, which she is afraid to confess to me. I see her in bondage to what she has done and was wondering if it is right or if it would be helpful if she confessed her sin to me.… Continue Reading …

I have heard that you cannot counsel non-Christians with God’s Word. It’s not true. You can help anyone with the Bible, no matter what their relationship is like with the Lord. The more relevant question is, how do you do it? What are some practical… Continue Reading …

God is acting decisively at the cross to work out His purposes to bring everyone from all nations, at all times, to Himself. Apart from the cross, there is no way to understand or enjoy life the way God intends. It’s a mystery as much… Continue Reading …

What are your strengths and weakness, the primary ones that come to mind? I’m sure you guard against letting your weaknesses rule over you. But how vigilant are you in protecting yourself from your strengths? How aware are you that your strengths could be more… Continue Reading …

The gospel connects to every aspect of our lives, regardless if it is things of primary importance or tertiary matters. One of those lesser but valuable loves in all our lives is Christian music, which makes knowing how to connect the gospel to your music… Continue Reading …

Paul had a gospel-centered perspective on personal suffering. In 2 Corinthians 12, we learn that the Lord gave Paul a thorn in the flesh. Though we are unsure what his “thorn” was, Christians generally agree that it was a physical debilitation. I have written on… Continue Reading …

Parental discipline is not just a behavioral interaction between a parent and a child. There are hearts in play, too—the heart of the parent and the child. If the parent does not connect the gospel to his heart, the discipline will not go well, and… Continue Reading …

Connecting the gospel to physical suffering is one of the most essential things you will ever do. The “good news” is always perfect when there is bad news, but how to make those gospel connections are not quickly apparent, especially when your pain is acute… Continue Reading …

How you think about life determines how you practically respond to life. Living in a broken world is hard, chaotic, stressful, and challenging. And if you have a skewed understanding of the doctrines of man, sin, salvation, and the Lord, you will not engage your… Continue Reading …

You can’t come out of the world because you live in the world. This problem means that we need to take decisive actions about how to guard our hearts against the influences of the culture. Some choose legalistic separation, while others love the world too… Continue Reading …

Hold on and brace yourself for these two bold and sobering truths. Today’s sophisticated culture does not accept them, and they may offend you. Everyone is going to hell, and the Lord has set up the agency of humankind to let the whole world know… Continue Reading …

Living in a relationship with someone requires a practical awareness of how to do it well. Each person is on a private and personal journey that is unlike any other, which means there will be times when helping your friends or enemies will be challenging.… Continue Reading …

Have you ever had a good run with the Lord, and then all of a sudden, you were surprised by your lack of faith? Something caught you off guard. It’s one of those “Just when you’re doing well, then, bam, something bad happens” scenarios. I’m… Continue Reading …

What if God is not an American, and His primary concern is not to keep us from having first-world problems? Is it possible that the Lord has other plans than our pursuit of happiness and that He may not be totally on board with our… Continue Reading …

Having two genders is not just a neat way to think about the human family. There are functional and irreplaceable roles for each gender. When it comes to parenting, the dad and mom have unique purposes, practices, and effects on children. In this article, I’m… Continue Reading …

The Christian life is progressive and transforming. To hang with Jesus means to be moving, growing, and changing. It’s a privilege of grace to experience a transformation that leads to maturity, but we’re not all in the same place. There are stages of the Christian… Continue Reading …

There are times in a relationship when winning the argument should not be your first call to action. Jesus talked about turning the other cheek and going the extra mile with some folks. What relationships do you have where it would be a better experience… Continue Reading …

Do you experience regular family worship? How do you all practice it? The Christian family worship experience is not a singular activity but a comprehensive lifestyle that breathes through all aspects of your lives. Will you consider these five essential elements to help you and… Continue Reading …

You have a recurring temptation. It won’t go away. How are you supposed to think about it? What does it mean? A friend asked, “What if I keep getting tempted by the same sin over and over again, and I worry it will eventually win… Continue Reading …

Being right is a tricky thing. Did you know that being right does not always mean you have to communicate what you know to be true? How good are you at discerning when to speak and not to speak as you consider the person who… Continue Reading …

How do you help a teenage son when he does not want your help? You feel him distancing from you and the family, but he won’t communicate with you. Should you relax your expectations? Perhaps a more in-depth question is how is his behavior a… Continue Reading …

Some issues in our lives are more resolvable than we think. Part of the problem is that we focus on the wrong thing, thinking it is the cause of our struggle. Over-complicating our temptations does happen. And though what I’m suggesting sounds simple on the… Continue Reading …

One of the most tedious and mysterious questions you will ever ponder is the tension between God’s role in our lives and our responsibility to respond to Him. Ultimately, the problem is unanswerable in a satisfying way. But an unresolvable conundrum does not mean we… Continue Reading …

To believe in someone or something is part of what it means to be human, and there are many options from which to choose. When you think about all the things that you believe, what is the most vital one? What defines you above everything… Continue Reading …

Everyone is carrying a silent disease in their body. You don’t know it and won’t know it until there is a visible manifestation of it. In some cases, it’s too late. The local church is similar. Sin is a silent killer that can infect an… Continue Reading …

Social media draws from our hearts a mixture of likes and dislikes—all at the same time. We are thankful for these media platforms because of our ability to reach others easily, quickly, and helpfully. We struggle with these platforms because of the many inherent problems.… Continue Reading …

When someone does something that you don’t like, you have several options from which to choose. You can consent to what they said or did and be like them. You could confront and rebuke them. Or you can try to ignore what just happened, which… Continue Reading …

Conviction is one of God’s kindnesses to His creation. In the spiritual realm, the concept of experiencing conviction is analogous to the pain we feel in our physical bodies. Actual guilt that leads to conviction is God’s way of telling us that something is wrong… Continue Reading …

Dear Gay Friend, as you read this or listen to the podcast, I appeal to you to differentiate between my affection for you and my opinion about your life choices. Agreement with your lifestyle choices and love for you are not mutual necessities. Likewise, I… Continue Reading …

Let’s talk about slavery. I’m not speaking about what happens around our world every day or what went on in our country 150 years ago. I’m speaking to Christians who willingly came to Jesus and said, “I want to be your slave.” I’m talking about… Continue Reading …

When my life does not go the way I hoped, it is easy for me to disengage and become discouraged. These are the moments when I must remind myself that when things are not working out the way I hoped, the Lord still loves and… Continue Reading …

Living in hope while resisting the temptation of victimhood can be the hurt person’s most significant struggle. Hope is vital when bad things happen to any of us. Too often, legitimate victims place their hope on the wrong things, even if it’s anger or revenge.… Continue Reading …

Every merciful, loving, and wise parent will not bail out their children every time but let them learn and mature through the difficulties in their lives. Thankfully, the Lord does this, too, so we can learn to rise above our troubles. You may want to… Continue Reading …

Before you go any further in this article, please answer this question. The reason I want you to do this is that your definitions of empathy and sympathy will describe who you are, how you think, and the kind of care you provide for others.… Continue Reading …

When you think about doing ministry, what comes to mind? What thoughts do you have when you hear the words “being missional through ministry.” Two things that should be somewhere near the top of your list are a biblical understanding of missional ministry and where… Continue Reading …

Recently, I had a meeting with a pastor. He wanted to know how he could lead his church more effectively in discipleship. I am going to share with you the fruit of that conversation. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed thinking… Continue Reading …

It is exceptional for a lazy person to be lazy. If you observe their lives, you will see many biblical qualities like intentionality, pre-meditation, work ethic, and imagination. The primary problem is not their laziness, though you may feel that the most. The underlying heart… Continue Reading …

Is your small group living in-depth, transparent, intentional, reciprocating lives, who have strong desires to change personally and as a group? Perhaps it’s a men’s group or a community of ladies. It could be a mixed group that meets to go over the sermon or… Continue Reading …

Do you ever feel fear when it comes to the responsibility that comes with counseling people biblically? I teach with much fear and trembling, but not just because I am held accountable. When it comes to counseling people one-on-one, I find it fulfilling yet also… Continue Reading …

Pretend your tongue is a paintbrush, and your heart is a bucket full of paint. You dip your brush into your bucket so you can paint a picture on a canvas for the world to see. The picture that you paint reveals your relationship with… Continue Reading …

One of the downsides of dividing the Bible into chapters and verses is that it can create a principle-driven discipleship methodology. What I mean is that we can turn the Bible into nuggets, snippets, and tips that are not in the context of the passage… Continue Reading …

What are your thoughts about the warnings in the New Testament regarding wolves in sheep’s clothing or about weeds among the wheat? How am I to think about them, as well as respond to them? What is the best approach when dealing with this subject?… Continue Reading …

Physical intimacy in a marriage is a vital assessment of how a couple relates to each other. The challenge is having transparent conversations about their sexual relationship. If left unattended, sexual desires rarely cease but take on distortions that adversely impact the couple. Mable found… Continue Reading …

Navigating a disappointing and painful relationship is something we all have to do. And though you can bounce back quickly from some of these strained relationships, others require more work. In the article, I am responding to a person who went through an unwanted divorce… Continue Reading …

It used to be that everyone identified as a male or female based on objective anatomical evidence at a child’s birth. In the past few decades, what has always been evident to the naked eye is now fluid; it is “to be determined,” based on… Continue Reading …

DISC is one out of hundreds of psychological creations that the non-Christian world has developed to understand themselves. Because everyone has to believe something, it makes sense for our unbelieving counterparts, who reject a sufficiency of Scripture worldview, to create a system of thought that… Continue Reading …

Secondary preferences, at times, can move to primary prominence in some peoples’ minds. When this happens, division comes, and strong opinions prevail. One of the most hotly debated secondary issues in the church, historically speaking, is whether it’s a sin to drink alcohol. When helping… Continue Reading …

The unchanging person is the loving caregiver’s greatest struggle. You love them and want to help them. You pour out your heart for them. But they do not change. Sometimes you push too hard. Other times, you give up. Knowing how to respond to each… Continue Reading …

The time it takes you to ask for forgiveness and feel forgiven while enjoying the freedom of that forgiveness reveals your practical understanding and application of the gospel. For some folks, when they sin, they go through a “worry period” because they have not come… Continue Reading …

What if the special thing you hoped for did not happen? Your dream come true did not come true for you. In those moments of not getting what you want, it’s imperative that you not only see Him, who is invisible, but He must govern… Continue Reading …

Biblical discernment is a huge issue for anyone who wants to care for another person. Anytime you’re discipling someone, you have to make judgment calls about the person you’re helping. There is no way around this truth. All good disciple-makers have to be comfortable with… Continue Reading …

Do you enjoy God? You know, like a good movie or a nice dinner. After a long day, you’re looking for a pleasant escape to something you enjoy. Is God at the top of your “things I enjoy the most” list? My wife was not… Continue Reading …

Everyone has asked God for things. And nobody has gotten all that they asked the Lord to provide. For the unbeliever, the denial of the request will generate disappointment, cynicism, and even anger. For the child of God, temporal disappointment or frustration may come, but… Continue Reading …

Marriage is a marathon, and if you want to do it well, it’s vital that you understand and implement these seven practical keys. If not, it’s likely that hostility will come, and harmony will be a lost dream. There is transformative hope in God’s Word.… Continue Reading …

Fundamentalism is one slice of Christian evangelicalism. In addition to the fundamentals of the faith, fundamentalists typically hold to strict sub-biblical, ascetic practices. Though they love Jesus and are passionate about following Him, many of them embrace legalistic preferences. The negative effect of this kind… Continue Reading …

Lingering regret is an ongoing sadness about a disappointing moment from your past. It is different from temporal sorrow. Temporary sad periods are normal human emotional responses to undesirable circumstances. You may want to read: Eight Practical and Transforming Ways to Think about Your Past… Continue Reading …

Our Mastermind training course is an all-online curriculum that teaches Christians how to grow in their discipleship, and biblical counseling practices. Recently, we had a seasoned educator, who is also a student in our program, provide her assessment and personal experience of our training course.… Continue Reading …

My number one all-time prayer is for the Spirit of God to give me awareness and perception regarding His work in my life and in the world where I live. Each day and throughout my day, this is my prayer. I want to know what… Continue Reading …

No doubt, being a good husband is a good goal. And you can throw in being a good wife too. You could say the same thing for being a good dad, mother, child, employer, employee, or a good friend. All of these roles are important,… Continue Reading …

If you are not able to counsel with tears, you’re not counseling the way Jesus did (Matthew 23:37; John 11:35). Biblical counseling is not as biblical as it needs to be if it does not happen in a context of compassion for the struggling soul.… Continue Reading …

How you answer this question will give you insight into why your life is the way it is. To answer it correctly and live it practically will set the stage for one of the most incredibly adventurous experiences you can have. Are you ready for… Continue Reading …

The more you want someone to change, and the more you are pulling for them to change, the greater the temptation to feel pressure regarding your role in the change process. In such cases, you must know that if a person wants to change, he… Continue Reading …

Everybody suffers. It does not matter who you are. It doesn’t matter who you belong to—the world or God’s family. Suffering is suffering, and nobody is exempt from it. The difference between Christian and non-Christian suffering is how we view and respond to it. When… Continue Reading …

The most satisfying relationship a person can have with another is when they are mutually sharing their personal experiences with God. They cannot be more honest, transparent, humble, vulnerable, courageous, and life-giving. Though you can’t be this way with everyone, it’s vital to have one… Continue Reading …

Telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth is a good goal, but it is not always wise to reveal everything that you know within any relationship. There is a time to be quiet and a time to speak, and you must know the… Continue Reading …

Do you discipline your children? How do you do it? When it comes to corrective care, how does your child experience it? Just as important, what is your motive behind your discipline? Anytime you’re talking about parental discipline, you want to make sure you are… Continue Reading …

When you are about to disciple someone, where do you begin as far as developing a plan for their discipleship care? Your starting point will determine how you will act during the process, as well as how you finish your care of them. You may… Continue Reading …

It is not possible to keep from talking about others behind their backs. But when it happens, how are you to respond? Do you have the courage to lead conversations when the information is negative, or are you more apt to follow along while not… Continue Reading …

You’re helping a friend work through his porn addiction. Where do you begin? What is your starting point? To identify his most significant problem, where would you look? Would you start with what the struggler is viewing? What about the social effect? How about modesty?… Continue Reading …

Each year in the states, we have Black Friday. It is the unofficial kickoff of the Christmas season. If you’re planning to camp out for a good deal, I recommend thinking like a Boy Scout: Be Prepared. Here are eight practical things to know for… Continue Reading …

I have often said, in certain situations, that Biblical counseling is not the best way for sanctification to happen. I’m not throwing Biblical counseling under the bus, but being honest about the change process. Repentance is a gift given, which implies a need to think… Continue Reading …

What does “bear all things” mean when Paul was talking about loving others from the love chapter? Am I supposed to permit or endure others to do what they want to do with me? Is this a “grin and bear it” theology of love? When… Continue Reading …

Have you ever thought about the difference between spending time with God alone versus doing a Bible study? Did you know there is a transformative, relational difference between those two disciplines? Though both of them are vital for your growth, one can be much better… Continue Reading …

How do you stay true to what you believe while not offending those who aren’t willing to get on board with your perspectives and practices? What if you have a weaker brother or sister that you can’t correct? Does the “weakest link” in the relationship… Continue Reading …

There are two general categories of people who attend a local church meeting on any given Sunday. Those who sin and admit it and those who sin and are unwilling or tentative about admitting it. Two people groups and one common denominator—we all sin. You… Continue Reading …

The people that you spend the most time trying to help may turn on you quicker than anyone else. Not every individual that you serve will react that way, but a few of them will not be responsive to change and may retaliate against you… Continue Reading …

Overcoming past disappointments is hard enough in itself. But sometimes, our inability to move forward is self-inflicted, as we use our past disappointments to gain acceptance, love, respect, and pity from others. Biff was such a person. Clinging to the past not only gave him… Continue Reading …

Let’s free associate: name a couple of people in your life that you cringe when you think about them. How about the person you would rather not be around? They are a pain in your neck. Do you have at least one in your mind?… Continue Reading …

Do you know of any Christians who do not act like Christians? Are they your friends? How would you help them? A friend asked me this question, and I gave him nine ideas that provided some clarity on how to help those who claim to… Continue Reading …

It is typical for individuals to struggle with fear of man issues, which includes not knowing how to help others who are caught in this sin. This problem has a two-part solution: we must teach on the issue and create contexts so we can help… Continue Reading …

Two people have a similar struggle. Both of them struggle with discouragement because of their ongoing patterns of sin. Rather than seeing sin as an opportunity to lean into God, they are heading farther down the path of frustration and fear. Sinning plus struggling with… Continue Reading …

The backstory is the story behind the story. There is always a backstory to every story. The story that you know is not all there is to what is happening to you. Behind every story, God is mysteriously working. How does not knowing the whole… Continue Reading …

How would people know you if you had no filter on your inner person? How would folks experience the authentic you? We live in a duality: our authentic selves and the person we present to the public. Closing the gap between the two happens when… Continue Reading …

If you read approximately 4.25 chapters a day, you will be able to complete the Word of God in a year. Okay. But the more significant questions are, “How much of that reading is changing you? Is God’s Word transforming you, or are you a… Continue Reading …

A man’s job was never meant to be like the tail wagging the dog. In this illustration, the tail is the job, and the dog is his family. When the job becomes the most significant thing to a man, the family will become a lesser… Continue Reading …

What would it be like if you had to qualify for marriage? What if being a husband or wife was like meeting the qualifications for a high-ranking job? I know it’s silly, and nothing like that would ever happen, but it is something to ponder.… Continue Reading …

You may have a good desire for someone, but if your methods are manipulative and forceful, you will blow up the relationship. Each person is different, and you must understand them before you attempt to help them change. Knowing your audience, whether a spouse, child,… Continue Reading …

Comparing yourself to other people can be a huge blessing when you do it the right way. Of course, that is the key—the correct way. The implication is that you must not choose outward behaviors as the only way for assessing people. If you do,… Continue Reading …

My son is pushing away from my wife. He’s fourteen years old. I’ve noticed a growing embarrassment from him toward his mother. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he hardly responds, only to say it’s weird to be still hanging out with… Continue Reading …

Every time I sin, there is a required response needed. The question is not, “Will I respond to my sin?” but “How will I respond to my sin?” There are four incorrect reactions to sin and one correct one. The right choice will set you… Continue Reading …

It is easy to make a decision when things seem clear and the future appears bright. With an optimistic heart, you decide on that thing, only to discover months or years later that it may not be wise to do what you did. What if… Continue Reading …

“How can I help you?” “We don’t communicate well.” And that is how many counseling sessions begin. The truth of the matter is that they do not have a communication problem. Or to say it better, that is not their primary problem. Rarely does anyone… Continue Reading …

You have a desire that you want another person to meet. That desire does not have to be a bad thing. Desires only become evil when you demand them from others while punishing them for not meeting your expectation. You may want to read: When… Continue Reading …

Volunteering to serve in a local church and within the surrounding community is at the heart of the gospel. Jesus best capsulated the idea of how the gospel connects to serving in Mark 10:45. The non-serving Christian is an oxymoron. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

The question you never ask anyone is whether something is controlling you. The reason because something or someone is always controlling us. The most independent and autonomous person you know is not as he presents himself to be. You may want to read: 12 Universal… Continue Reading …

God makes children in His image, but parents have a way of reshaping that image by how they treat them. This sad letter from a wayward teenager to her daddy reflects the devastating power of parenting and the reactionary choices that teens can make. You… Continue Reading …

God’s mercy comes to us without conditions but does not proceed without our cooperation. So too, our aid must begin freely, regardless of the recipient’s merits. But our mercy must increasingly demand change, or it is not really love. – Timothy J. Keller, Ministries of… Continue Reading …

All people have a desire for approval and acceptance. When God made us in His image, He also gave us a natural yearning to be part of a community (Genesis 2:18). The problem arises when we try to satisfy our longing for others outside of… Continue Reading …

Every relationship will be a disappointing one to some degree. This truth is unavoidable. The key to living well with others begins by having an attitude of forgiveness toward all offenders. You start developing this mindset by realizing how God extended His mercy to you… Continue Reading …

Sometimes “extending grace” may mean you’re about to get into conflict. Though you should never look for a fight, you should also not be looking for ways to avoid soul care when it is within your competency and influence to help someone who is struggling.… Continue Reading …

A husband and wife are not just two people within the marriage. Yes, they have independent relationships with the Lord and with other people, but they are also one flesh. Like our blessed Trinity, there is perfect oneness that unites the three Persons. You may… Continue Reading …

In the news this week are reports concerning a scientific study spanning two decades that allegedly proves that homosexuality is not genetic. There is no single gene in the human genome, so the articles go, that causes homosexuality. But this story is not news, as scientists… Continue Reading …

There are not many things that will happen to a person more perplexing and painful than finding out that your spouse committed adultery. How do you survive? You may want to read: From Adultery to Restoration in Thirteen Steps We Fornicated While Dating, But Why… Continue Reading …

When you move the gospel from your functional center and replace it with other interests, even biblical things like “serving the Lord,” you will begin to grow in discontentment. And along with your restlessness will bring the temptation to satisfy your God-given longings through human-centered means.… Continue Reading …

I was counseling a teen who said to me, “Mr. Thomas, you don’t wear Walmart to high school.” It was great! In his simple way, he clearly articulated what every human on the planet feels. He’s insecure, and he’s willing to give up his life… Continue Reading …

When the weight of your sin weighs you down, you must make sure that you understand which sin you have in view. I’m speaking of the most significant problem. Typically, people struggle more with what they can see but don’t discern how the hidden motives… Continue Reading …

Last week, millions of people worldwide enjoyed the blue-ray release of the movie Avengers: Endgame, and like almost every other movie, there existed an underlying philosophy beyond the storyline. I saw Endgame with my children, and immediately after the movie, we sat down to talk about the… Continue Reading …

How much power should a parachurch organization have over a local church? Should a local church submit to a parachurch organization? When your parachurch ministry is interfering with a local church, where will you stand—with your ministry or the church? You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

Mailbag – I was wondering if God treats His people the same way regarding giving “blessing for obedience” in the new covenant. It seems all over the Old Testament—if God’s people obey, they receive a blessing; if they don’t obey, they receive discipline. Does God still treat us… Continue Reading …

Suffering is the expected, ordinary life for Christians living as aliens in a fallen world. God knew this, which is why He equipped us to live as victors when engaging the realities of fallenness. “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain… Continue Reading …

You were in a horrible pit of sin. The Lord passed by, saw you, and lifted you out of your hopelessness. He left you better off than when He found you. His actions toward you gave you a goal in life: to imitate His gospel… Continue Reading …

Generally speaking, there are two types of dads. One sees his job in a 9 to 5 construct. The other father sees himself as a full-time, 24/7 dad who provides spiritually and physically for his wife and children. Are you a part-time dad or a… Continue Reading …

The fact any person would listen to me boggles my mind. I am a nobody who struggles like everybody, and when anybody pays attention to what I say, it is sobering, and I am cautious. There is a profound responsibility for all of us to… Continue Reading …

There are two parts to every crisis: what is happening to you in real time and space, and what is spiritually happening to you as the Father matures you through the trial.  You may want to read: I Trusted God, and My Life Fell… Continue Reading …

To fear God is not to be afraid of Him but to be drawn into ever-growing awe, amazement, and wonder as you think about and relate to Him. The love of our heavenly Father is extraordinary, though it’s not always a child’s first experience with… Continue Reading …

Who are your friends? How do they help you mature in Christ? What contexts have you created that help you pursue Christ together? Take a look at this verse about the importance of companions. You may want to read: The Benefit of Being Intentionally Intrusive… Continue Reading …

What if your husband was awesome? What if your wife was awesome? How do you help your children to live in awesomeness? These are important questions, and, fortunately, the Bible does not leave us in the dark when it comes to being remarkable individuals. You… Continue Reading …

Show me a person’s friends and the content that he consumes, and I will tell you what kind of individual he is. The quickest and most straightforward way to know a person is by assessing their relationships and the things that they put into their… Continue Reading …

Travel Update – On June 1, 2019, our family set out for a 60-day trip through Florida. The purpose of this travel season was to speak, counsel, consult, and connect with churches, key ministry leaders, and donors who support this work.  You may want to… Continue Reading …

Some conflict does not end with an agreement. There are times when the best you can do is “agree to disagree.” As you think about this popular cliche, it’s vital to start with your heart motivations rather than the thing that is dividing you. In… Continue Reading …

The Father regenerated me when I was 25 years old. My parents did not rear me in a Christian home, and you could describe my childhood years as dysfunctional. My parents could not have done a more mediocre job, but the Lord chose to save… Continue Reading …

When a problem happens or someone does something to hurt you, where do you begin working through this relational problem? What is your starting point? May I make a suggestion to help you work through hurts, whether they are of your making or what someone… Continue Reading …

Nobody loved people more than Jesus. Nobody was less controlled by people than Jesus. He found and lived in the perfect relational sweet spot of, “I love you, but you will not control me.” How about you?  You may want to read: Do You… Continue Reading …

If God is good, why is evil in the world? How can these two things—good and suffering—exist at the same time, especially if there is a loving and omnipotent God? A glance around the Internet says evil is in our world that is increasing, and… Continue Reading …

Mailbag – Will you write about the differences between the secular view and biblical view of ADHD and depression? I would like to know if there are ever times when treating with medications are appropriate. I have multiple friends dealing with these issues. Thank you… Continue Reading …

A blogger’s nightmare is when a person reads their article, pulls a point from it, and responds unkindly to the post. It often happens after I have posted a blurb on Facebook. Someone will respond uncharitably without doing the work of understanding the context or… Continue Reading …

How you answer this question will impact the quality of your life on earth. Do you believe God sends people to hell, or do you think hell is the result for people who reject God? You may want to read: Sovereignty and Human Responsibility “I Am… Continue Reading …

Part of God’s kindness to us is that He wired us to be habitual people. Habits are excellent because they make us better people. Of course, the opposite is also accurate in that habits can be our worst nightmares. You may want to read: Ten… Continue Reading …

Biblical counseling has generally been part of a two-tier Christian system: those who can counsel and those who cannot. The average Biff, the pew sitter on Sunday morning would more than likely recommend a counselor to someone than offer counsel to them. You may want to… Continue Reading …

Our memories can play tricks on our minds, and if we’re not careful, we can grow in dissatisfaction with the life we have while giving unmerited honor to a past that we revised to fit the cravings of our hearts. Learning how to capture these… Continue Reading …

Paul tells us in Philippians 2:3-4 that we should count others more significant than ourselves. He presses the point further by saying that we should not only look to our interests but the interests of others. This perspective, in his view, is what it means… Continue Reading …

God provides ordinary disappointments for us to live out our faith while taking those everyday moments to do extraordinary things. Do you believe the Lord can use your regular life and typical troubles and do extraordinary things? You may want to read: The Anniversary of… Continue Reading …

Every discipler knows that they cannot change anyone. This worldview becomes acute when you’re trying to help someone transform. Though you cooperate with the Lord in the “change process,” only He can grant repentance. This case study presents this dilemma with an angry, stubborn couple.… Continue Reading …

Would it be better to have a Bible or a mentor? You could say my question is a trick question, though it is not meant to be one. The puzzle is intended to provoke you to think first, respond second, and discuss thoroughly. The obvious answer… Continue Reading …

The quiet husband, father, or friend is not the most authentic picture of Christ. Biblical leadership is verbal because to lead well requires words. God leads us with His Words; He is a talking God. If you want to impact and guide others, you must… Continue Reading …

A few years ago, Lucia bought four milkweed plants and eleven caterpillars for our children. It was one of those science experiments in our laboratory, also called our home. And, per usual, God had additional plans for us. Going above and beyond our expectations is… Continue Reading …

From the New York Times Magazine article, Coveting Luke’s Faith. This commentary provides excellent insight from a practicing atheist rearing a son, Luke, who is not embracing her atheistic faith. She is “open but cautious” as she strains to understand what is happening with her son. You may… Continue Reading …

Imagine being untethered from the controlling opinions of others. Imagine not thinking about what other people think about you. Imagine being so connected to God that your daily experience is the enjoyment of His pleasure. You may want to read: A Practical Plan to Break Free from… Continue Reading …

When a person says that they failed as a parent, they are sharing the concern of every parent. Though parental failure can differ significantly, none of us do it ideally, which is why you want to think about your limitations and imperfections, as well as… Continue Reading …

Being rule-centered may bring pseudo-comfort because you are living within a “secure structure of codes,” but it will suffocate the life that God could give you if you were willing to walk in the Spirit. Rule-based living is a self-reliant way that leaves you in… Continue Reading …

There are three stages to the Christian life. They are the innocent, naive stage. And then the complex, suffering stage. If you trust the Lord through your season of complexity, you will experience the restful and wisdom stage, which will be where you’ll find your… Continue Reading …

The things they did not tell me when the Lord regenerated me would have affected my decision to become a Christian—humanly speaking, of course. Looking back on it now, I’m glad the Lord did not give me a peek into my future because I probably… Continue Reading …

Is this statement true or false? Love is a commitment accompanied by action with no expectation of anything in return. The answer is “false” because loving someone should come with the hope that the other person will reciprocate your love. To think otherwise would be… Continue Reading …

If you knew of a person or a group of individuals who were being deceived by someone, would you choose to mock them or their leader as a way to win them to the truth of God? You may want to read: Why Do You… Continue Reading …

Becoming a Christian does not remove the fear of being rejected by others. Christianity provides you with a new people group and new opportunities to belong, but it does not mean you are to live with your new friends while wearing a mask. I did… Continue Reading …

If you sin but choose not to get rid of it by repenting, there will be an adverse effect on your soul and relationships. Mercifully, Christians can accept the “punishment of Christ” for their transgressions. But what about non-Christian children? This problem is why you… Continue Reading …

I interviewed my friend, Pastor Mike Hawkins, about his life, pastoring, counseling, and how our ministry intersects with him on a day-to-day basis. I have known Mike for a few years, and we have been in the trenches with many counseling situations. Show Notes He… Continue Reading …

Do you have unlimited time? Do you have friends with a lot of needs? If so, you’re blessed, and so are your friends. You have the time, and they have the issues—what a beautiful world. Sadly, I don’t live in your world. You may want… Continue Reading …

You can trace a poor relationship with God to a child’s relationship with their dad. Though a bad dad is never the ultimate cause of a person’s problems, there is a connection between any father and God the Father. You may want to read: How… Continue Reading …

Building trust in any discipleship context can be a challenge. Some people’s hurt is so deep that they fortify their guardedness. Understanding the interpersonal dynamics between an untrusting counselee and the discipler is critical. You may want to read: One Reason Children Rebel Against Their… Continue Reading …

This podcast walks you through addictive behavior, specifically porn addiction, though you could apply these truths to anything that controls you, like overeating, shopping too much, or anger. Rick walks through the behaviors that need changing, as well as the heart (internal desires) that require… Continue Reading …

Seeking a king of your unique choosing is rejecting God—a decision that always leads to slavery. There is no other being that you can submit yourself to that will make you happy, even if that “supreme being” is you. You may want to read: When… Continue Reading …

I am not making a case for or against a college education. It is about creating a worldview for biblical discernment and effective parenting that best suits and equips a child, whether male or female, to glorify God in His world. You may want to… Continue Reading …

I sat down with Darrell Harrison and interviewed him on race-related topics that have been current and long-standing issues in our American culture. Darrell is a Christian black man who writes about race and culture. The six questions that I asked him are below. Part… Continue Reading …

One of the best ways to get our books into people’s hands is through reviews. If you have read one of my books, will you write a short book review on my Amazon page? Since 2008, I have been creating content for our site. Content… Continue Reading …

When your 3-year-old turns 27 years old, and he can only have one takeaway from your parenting, what would you want him to retain? What is the one thing that is more important than all the rest? You may want to read: Tips on Parenting… Continue Reading …

The apostle Paul gives you a profound and robust strategy to change your thought life. He goes so far as to say that how you think can not only improve your life but it can change the lives of others. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

Presuppositional truth is vital when thinking about other psychologies outside the Bible. You must interact with the teachings in our world because nobody is unaffected by their perspectives, which is why your presupposition must be a “sufficiency of Scripture” worldview. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

Insecurity, peer pressure, or fear of man has many names. You can examine yourself to see how much you struggle with insecurity. The labels below are synonyms or characteristics of what we call fear of man biblically. You may want to read: A Practical Plan… Continue Reading …

All sin is the same in that any transgression will put Christ on the cross, but all sins are not the same consequentially. Divorce is one of those sins that ranks higher from a consequential perspective. Adequately describing it is hard. You may want to… Continue Reading …

I have a like/dislike relationship with Facebook. On the positive side, I see Facebook as a great opportunity to stay in touch with family members and friends, especially those who live across the country or around the world. Facebook is also good, though not perfect,… Continue Reading …

When things in your life turn dark and difficult, how do you usually respond to those circumstances? When trouble comes, you will either experience guidance and protection from a biblical understanding and application of the fear of the Lord, or a sinful fear will complicate… Continue Reading …

Children are one of God’s many gifts to parents. As parents, we have the responsibility and the privilege to guide them into a practically biblical experience of knowing and loving God (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). Because they were born as fearful humans, a parent must understand a… Continue Reading …

One of the most common counseling questions I am asked, if not the number one counseling question, is, “What am I to do when (such and such) happens in my life?” Anxiousness about a future desired outcome is a common concern for all people. You… Continue Reading …

They say there are no perfect churches. But what if that church is yours? How do you respond to a church that does not do community life well? What if the leaders are not setting the right example? Here are a few things to consider.… Continue Reading …

How you think about a person, good or bad, will be evident to that person if you are close to them. You may be able to hide your authentic attitudes from those who are not your most intimate acquaintances, but for those you love and… Continue Reading …

If you are married, do you hate yourself? Let me ask it another way, “Do you dislike your spouse?” If you do struggle with your wife, you struggle with yourself because you’re not two individuals but one flesh. Your thoughts about your spouse reveal how… Continue Reading …

The path to dysfunction is unmarked and hidden. Nobody knows they are on it until it’s too late. There are subtle indicators, but we rarely discern them. The most apparent one is an “I deserve better” attitude, which is what happened to Biff. You may… Continue Reading …

If you had the opportunity to confront a person about a mistake they made, how would you go about it? What are a few key things you should consider when facing a friend with their problem? May I suggest three vital ideas that you must… Continue Reading …

If your life was put in three different file drawers that represented your past, present, and future, which of the file drawers drains the most joy out of your life? If there is a disruption of your contentment, it would indicate something has gone wrong… Continue Reading …

Frequently, our most pressing need is not our most important need. Sometimes God works in unsuspecting ways, maybe ways we did not perceive or even want. Ironically, His ways can seem foolish to the natural mind, as well as the spiritual mind. You may want… Continue Reading …

God will fully receive anyone who accepts what Christ has done on their behalf. It’s an incredible opportunity as Jesus takes all your sin and gives you His righteousness. But this gospel message is not practically transforming for everyone. Some Christians continue to live under… Continue Reading …

Imagine a person standing in the center of a universe that he has created. All of the roads lead to himself. To get near him is to be drawn into the vortex of his selfishness. Me, my, and I describe his primary relationships and daily… Continue Reading …

The most significant test to examine your maturity is how you responded when you did not get what you wanted, especially if what you hoped for was a good thing. Responding with humility to disappointment magnifies the strength of God through your weakness. And that… Continue Reading …

The counterintuitive irony of the gospel is that God calls us to a place of weakness so He can perfect His strength in us. This perspective sounds good conceptually, but it is hard to live out when you’d like to give someone a piece of… Continue Reading …

Member Question – I was recently divorced, and now I would like to remarry. I’m 42 years old and do not consider myself a serial dater. What advice would you give a person like me? I also have two children, ages 10 and 12. I… Continue Reading …

The purpose of the gospel loudly proclaims that hard, challenging, and sinful problems do exist. Because evil does exist, there must be a gospel solution, which is why evil and unfairness do not defeat the gospel-centered person. That kind of individual is hope-filled when they… Continue Reading …

Disappointment with God is one of the unmentionables in the Christian community. There are some things you don’t say out loud. It’s like family problems that some folks prefer to sweep under the rug. You may want to read: Abuse, Suffering, and Other Painful Disappointments… Continue Reading …

We surround ourselves with the things that we enjoy. The life we build around us reflects the values in our hearts. You’ll always find unity between a person’s inward desires and the life he lives, which is a good thing unless the inward value is… Continue Reading …

Both husbands and wives can be mean to each other. This truth is sad as well as a call to mobilize your attitudes and actions to come alongside the erring spouse. How do you do that? How do you care for a mean spouse? You… Continue Reading …

I want you to think about the last person who disappointed you. Do you have that person in mind? Great. What are your thoughts about them? How is the gospel guarding your mind from thinking unkindly or in other negative ways about that person? The… Continue Reading …

Being holy is not legalism. Being an obedient and disciplined Christian does not have to be legalistic either. If something is wrong, an overreaction to that bad thing is also an inadequate response. You may want to read: The Reason I Stopped Hating My Dad… Continue Reading …

In a perfect world, you can go the distance with any person who has sinned against you. Our problem is that we do not live in an ideal world. There are times when all you can do is forgive them, no matter how great it… Continue Reading …

The Apostle Paul was asking one of the most critical questions a Christian can ask another Christian–are you in the faith? How do you know? The real issue here is what does it mean to test yourself or to examine yourself and how do you… Continue Reading …

Individuals who accomplish great things are willing to step into uncertainty rather than sitting back and doing nothing. Most people prefer certainty because their fear is more significant than their faith. People who are open to uncertainty not only walk on the moon, but they… Continue Reading …

The Clemson Tigers defeated the Alabama Crimson Tide in the national championship game for college football. One of the star players for Clemson said that God wanted them to beat Alabama. Did God want Clemson to beat Alabama? Did God want Alabama to lose? You… Continue Reading …

An unprepared heart will not receive disappointment well. And when it comes, which it undoubtedly will, the temptation to become a cynic will be powerful. The cynic cocoons himself from hurt while distrusting the active goodness of God in his life. You may want to… Continue Reading …

Let me go ahead and say what many of you are thinking: trusting the Lord does not mean everything will go okay for you. There is a thing called “disappointment with God,” and if you do not know how to navigate this truth when your… Continue Reading …

Show me a happy person. Are they generous? Probably. Show me a discontented person. Are they selfish? Probably. There is a circular Bible logic that goes like this: God loves happy givers, and if God loves on a giver, the giver is happy. You may… Continue Reading …

The gospel is only radical when you bring its transformative power into your life and relationships. If any two people do what I’m suggesting here, they will experience the practical transformative power of the gospel in their lives. You may want to read: Rick’s 31-Day… Continue Reading …

Imagine the Apostle Paul coming to you with a thorn stuck in his flesh, metaphorically speaking, and wanting your help. What would be your primary goal as you try to serve Paul? Would you try to help him change his circumstances primarily, or would you… Continue Reading …

The animating center of your life should be a growing, adventurous, powerful, satisfying, and reciprocal relationship with God. If you are not incrementally and consistently heading in that direction, stop and turn around because you are going the wrong way. Let me explain how to… Continue Reading …

The noetic effect of sin means our thinking can be stinking at times. Humans, born in the image of God, fell into sin. Our fall broke the purity and clarity of the mind that God gave to us. We need a change of mind, which this mind… Continue Reading …

Your emotions can be good or bad, but in either case, they reflect what is going on in your thought life. If the emotions are right, the person is thinking and responding biblically. If the emotions are not good, the person needs your compassionate and… Continue Reading …

Self-righteousness is a sense of moral superiority that appoints us a prosecutor over other people’s sinfulness. At times, we can relate to hurtful individuals as though we’re incapable of the sins they commit, which is why governing our hearts is the first call to action… Continue Reading …

Thinking like a victim is easy to do. Becoming a professional victim takes more work, but it can happen, especially if you’ve experienced repeated hurt for an extended period. And even though you are suffering, the Lord is calling you to a better life, a… Continue Reading …

The Lord and the Bible will not work in the most effective ways if those two wonderful things are all you have. There seems to be a consensus of affirmation among many Christians who believe the Lord and His Word are all you need. The… Continue Reading …

Mailbag: Are the spiritual gifts to the elders sufficient to meet the church counseling needs? Should more elders acknowledge their God-given sufficiency to counsel? You may want to read: Did You Know There Is a Better Way to Do Counseling? Should You Have a Biblical Counseling Strategy for… Continue Reading …

If you are an excellent discipler, most of your “friends” will be folks who want something from you and are less inclined to give something to you. Like a man with a truck who has a lot of friends because of the service he provides.… Continue Reading …

One of the bigger misunderstandings in the church today is how some people believe that a personal relationship with God is a private matter. To these folks, to follow Jesus does not mean that you follow Him into a personal experience with other believers. You… Continue Reading …

Biff and Mable have pockets of silence between them. There are things Biff is thinking about, but he does not discuss them with Mable. There are things Mable is thinking, but she does not bring them up to Biff. You may want to read: Interview… Continue Reading …

Do you have a friend who could use your help? Are there some people in your sphere of influence who are not looking for your help, but you long to speak into their lives? You may want to read: How to Help a Person Get… Continue Reading …

We are totally depraved but uniquely fallen. Sometimes our unique fallenness can tempt individuals to give into the LGBTQ+ lifestyle. If you know someone struggling this way, this resource will help you to respond well to them. You may want to read: A Few Thoughts… Continue Reading …

All external, behavioral idols have the same insidious root cause. If you don’t deal with the heart problem, you could easily stop one sin while switching to a different idol.  You may want to read: When You Can’t See What You Need to See… Continue Reading …

The gay guy says you cannot discriminate against him because he was born that way. To hate on him because of how God made him is wrong, and according to him, you should not punish, boycott, or deride him because of his identity. You may… Continue Reading …

Violence is born out of ignorance. It’s an ignorance that does not care to understand another individual. Without sympathy or understanding, it’s not possible to reconcile with someone who is different from you. You may want to read: Four Reasons You Cannot Reconcile with Someone… Continue Reading …

Our behaviors reveal our hearts. If you get a discerning handle on a person’s actions, you will find clues to what may be going on in their heart. This kind of careful consideration of others will position you to be a “more effective Jesus” to… Continue Reading …

When someone corrects you, and it hurts, one of the most significant tips for you to remember is that God has already said the worst things about you on Calvary’s hill. And with the most horrible comments about you previously communicated, you have nothing to… Continue Reading …

Your Christian friend is struggling and seemingly cannot change. Something has caught them (Galatians 6:1-2). Do you believe your friend can change? Perhaps that person is your spouse, child, parent, or church member. You may want to read: A Few Thoughts On an Unchangeable Situation… Continue Reading …

One of the most important responsibilities a man will ever have is the discipleship care of his wife. Apart from his affection for Christ and the attention that he provides for his soul, he does not have a more significant privilege.  You may want… Continue Reading …

It is possible to be a Christian and struggle with personal problems. Distinguishing between struggling believers versus unbelievers who wrestle with similar issues is critical. You may want to read: The Danger of Asking Jesus Into Your Heart Daddy and Daughter Discuss Justification and Sanctification… Continue Reading …

Most relationships begin with transparency, honesty, courage, and optimism. At some point, these things break down. The husband and wife drift from each other, and silence ensues. Even the best intentions derail if the couple does not know how to keep the transforming power of… Continue Reading …

Every home has a leader. Someone must be in charge while everyone else follows the de-facto leader. I’m speaking of hierarchy in relationships, not the equality among fellow image-bearers. These concepts work together, not creating tension but fulfilling the possibilities of a God-centered home. As… Continue Reading …

An individual characterized by worry is a person who is uncertain if God will get things right. Not only is the worrier unsure as to whether God will get it right, but the worrier will typically take matters into their own hands. You may want to read: A… Continue Reading …

Member Question – I have a friend that I believe needs to make some changes in his life. How should I let him know what I am thinking? He is not sinning, but I believe he is making some unwise choices. If he changes, I… Continue Reading …