Life Over Coffee | Blogroll

To have a biblical friend is to be a wealthy individual. Do you want to be rich? In this article, I provide you with ten sequential steps to help you find and sustain good friends. You may want to read: The Wisdom In Handpicking Your… Continue Reading …

The messiest place on earth outside our families should be the local church. Each family unit is a context where masks come off as we expose our real selves to each other. The local church is a macro context of the micro family. You may… Continue Reading …

Did you know there are only four problems in life? Did you also know that you address them in one order? Both true. These are universal problems with one solution. Before I get to them, let me tell you a story.  You may want… Continue Reading …

Sexual abuse does not resonate with everyone who hears about it. The reason is that sexual violence is not generally on our radars. It’s similar to the abortion debate. Most people involved with the pro-life cause have a passion for it because they have had… Continue Reading …

Wisdom would say we should not quickly dismiss how the Savior approached picking His friends. It might benefit us to give scrutiny here to learn how friend picking could help us personally, impact our community, and bring glory to God by advancing His kingdom. You… Continue Reading …

Death, taxes, and being sinful are assured until Jesus comes back to take us home. This chapter is not about death or taxes. It is about the prospects of being sinful—a sad reality we can never entirely eradicate from our lives. You may want to… Continue Reading …

Often a subordinate in a relationship comes to our ministry, asking if it is okay to have a voice within their hierarchal structure. The follower is afraid to bring critique to what they are experiencing. You may want to read: The Power Of The Critical… Continue Reading …

It took a few years of doing our marriage the wrong way before we decided to blow it up and start over again. The first call to action was for both of us to experience brokenness before the cross of Christ. You may want to… Continue Reading …

A husband and wife are one flesh, not two. There is nothing that should come between them, including their children. When a parent places the children in the center of home life, the family is out of order. You may want to read: What Does… Continue Reading …

Because of God’s mercy to us, He puts us in places where we cannot fix our problems. From this position of weakness, He perfects His strength. Marriage is the perfect place for the Lord to accomplish this kindness. You may want to read: Mind Mapping:… Continue Reading …

Building a close network of friends inside a local church is one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do. Will you consider how you could position yourself for this kind of community—practically maturing while helping others to do similarly? Let’s begin with a word… Continue Reading …

Don’t assume others will love you the way you want to experience their helpful care. It is hard to care for people, which is why one of the best things you can do is make it easy for another person to care for you. You… Continue Reading …

Providing for our families is an expectation the Lord places on us. But we rely on Him for the results. We work hard while trusting Him to provide what we need. Whether you’re poor or rich, God will take care of you.  You may… Continue Reading …

If everything in your life cannot be the most important thing in your life, what is the most important aspect to you? If you were to choose your top priority, aim, or goal in life, what would you choose? You may want to read: Rick’s… Continue Reading …

We all know to obey is better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22), but that simple piece of biblical advice can create significant problems, particularly in those moments when we fail in our obedience. You may want to read: Why Do I Keep Doing the Same… Continue Reading …

Parenting children is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. There are many temptations for parents, the biggest of which is to be result-oriented because it’s easier to make children behave than doing the hard work of training them. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

Have you thought about how your cyber relationships might be impacting your real-world relationships? Have you considered how those two different kinds of relationships influence each other? Which one do you prefer? Why do you prefer it? You may want to read: Why I Won’t… Continue Reading …

Choosing the road to health is within your grasp. But knowing the best path to walk or the right roadblocks to avoid is another matter. Here are four barriers you want to overcome. They are from the Active.Com website. You may want to read: Let’s… Continue Reading …

Your wife is a reflection of you, your skill, and your leadership style. Though she is responsible for her Christian maturity, don’t underestimate your influence on her life.  You may want to read: One Essential Quality Of an Effective Wife Practical Thoughts On Leading… Continue Reading …

Grace and gospel go hand-in-hand. You cannot have one without the other, and you never minimize either one. The first is the means to the second. Grace is the undeserved favor that permits you to enjoy the gospel. The danger in some “hyper-grace” cultures is… Continue Reading …

What does loving the sinner but hating the sin mean? How is it possible to love someone well after they have hurt you? And what does loving them well look like in real life? You may want to read: Should Christians Separate From Sinners? It’s… Continue Reading …

This message is on “True Community: How to Develop True, Authentic, and Transparent Relationships With Another Person.” You may apply this teaching to any marriage, family, friendship, work relationship, and, of course, within the local church. Rick preached this message at Trinity Bible Church in… Continue Reading …

If a Christian is going through the motions of Christianity, his Christianity is on par, functionally, with religion. God may have regenerated him, but his “doer of the Word” faith (James 1:22) will be lifeless and uncompelling. You may want to read: The Danger Of… Continue Reading …

Earlier this week (January 2017), a young man was abducted by four young people in Chicago. They tied him up and tortured him. They ran a live stream of the violence on Facebook Live. Does this surprise you? What do you expect from a culture… Continue Reading …

I have stated my “love-hate relationship” with social media (SM) many times in different places, but because our ministry is growing daily, there are always new folks coming along who do not know why I don’t engage people on social media, especially those who want… Continue Reading …

Good desires for a relationship can cause us more problems than other temptations. We can want something so much that manipulating the other person to give it to us by sinning against them is easy to do. You may want to read: The Most Powerful… Continue Reading …

Do you find it difficult to look your spouse in the eye so you can communicate intimately? Is it hard for you to be vulnerable with your spouse? If so, I have some practical advice for you. You may want to read: How to Fix… Continue Reading …

Who or what is the animating center of your home? Whoever or whatever you center your life and family on is the functional and controlling entity of your life and family. You may want to read: The Power Of The Critical Wife The Most Effective… Continue Reading …

Before I get into five surefire ways to motivate your child to use pornography, let me establish two critical points. The first is that no parent wants their child to become involved in pornography. We all agree on this. You may want to read: Wise… Continue Reading …

Perfectionism is a fear-motivated response from a person not comfortable with who she is. She realizes something is wrong with her. She senses an “internal awkwardness.” She is not comfortable in her skin. Rather than fleeing to God to fix what is wrong, her solution… Continue Reading …

When your spouse sins, who pays for it? Do you make her pay for what she did wrong or do you take her to Jesus and show her how His death is enough punishment to remove her transgressions? You may want to read: Rick’s 31-Day… Continue Reading …

Jamal was born into a dysfunctional home. He told me that he did not remember a time when his parents were not arguing. He is 14 years old, almost 15. He said there were many nights when he would curl up in his bed, hug… Continue Reading …

Your friend needs to change. How do you help her change? Maybe your husband is stuck in a bad habit, and you want him to change. What is your change process? Perhaps your wife is nagging and criticizing you. How are you helping her model… Continue Reading …

Obedience is not an act to please God as though you could gain His favor. Your obedience comes from a heart of joy that has been transformed by the gospel. You obey out of a heart of gratitude for the works of Christ. You may… Continue Reading …

Full biblical repentance is probably the most important thing any couple can do in their marriage. I don’t think there is a way to overstate how important it is. Read more here The Most Important Things You’ll Ever Learn to Change Rick’s 31-Day Marriage Devotion… Continue Reading …

It is impossible to live in a fallen world and not argue or disagree with another individual. From birth to the grave, disagreements are part of our life. You may want to read: When You Get Angry, Do You See Yourself Correctly? The Damaging Effects… Continue Reading …

The insecure husband and critical wife is a complex relational problem but not one without a gospel solution. This case study and Mind Map will carefully walk you through how to untangle this marriage problem. You may want to read: The Insecure Wife Who Lives… Continue Reading …

When a wife has been shaped by her past to be insecure and marries a husband who is prone to harshness, their marriage will be an endless loop of relational conflict. The first responsibility is for the husband to learn how to build up his… Continue Reading …

Asking Jesus into your heart is a popular method that Christians use to evangelize unbelievers. Does it work? Is it the best way to think about salvation? You may want to read: Five Practical Things To Know When Unbelievers Die Knowing Theology Is Not Enough… Continue Reading …

Negative, critical, and suspicious people do not rest in the practical and active goodness of God on their behalf. Cynicism is not a hopeful spirit that trusts the Lord. The Bible has a cure for the Christian Cynic. You may want to read: The Power… Continue Reading …

Becoming an excellent husband does not just happen. It takes work. And if you put in the effort to be a fantastic husband, there is a great reward. Here are three steps that can change your marriage. You may want to read: What Does Nourish… Continue Reading …

Hayden Palm met Jesus on November 7, 2017, at 11:05 in the morning. This bittersweet news caused two narratives to start running simultaneously in my mind. You may want to read: My Mother Died Last Night: A Few Thoughts After Life From Despair to Hope—Grieving… Continue Reading …

Some of the toughest people to try to help are those who refuse to help themselves. There is a way to think about them and possibly come alongside them while trusting the Lord to bring the needed change. You may want to read: Backward Porn… Continue Reading …

Whenever a person believes their circumstances should change and is doggedly determined to change them, even if they have to go through hell and high water to do it, they will set themselves up for unceasing conflict and personal frustration. Most of the time the… Continue Reading …

The authoritarian parenting style is a rule-based teaching model that is devoid of nurturing. Too often this parenting model lacks the support and unique guidance that shepherds children toward living well in God’s world as adults. You may want to read: I Got Angry At… Continue Reading …

I was an adult without a working template for what it meant to be an adult. To make matters worse, I was an unregenerate adult without a clear and practical model for living well in God’s world. I went into adulthood wearing a four-layered blindfold.… Continue Reading …

The selfie is not a fad. It’s a phenomenon that is not going away because the selfie is one way our deepest longings to be loved by someone are satisfied. You may want to read: The Cure For Self-Esteem Loving Me: The Hidden Agenda Of… Continue Reading …

Whenever you sin in response to what you are not getting from someone, even if that thing you want is a good thing, your heart is in a dangerous place. Before you can move forward in the relationship, you will need to change, especially before… Continue Reading …

It is impossible to fail our program. There is not an A to F grading system because the Christian training worldview is counter-intuitive to secular systems (1 Corinthians 1:25). I supervise the work, but I do not put any student in an A or F… Continue Reading …

daddy, family, relationships, anger, repentance, conflict

Teenage years are confusing years. They are hard years. Expectations are high, and purpose in life questions are frustrating. Some teens have it worse than others. I was one of those teens. This letter is to any teen who has not unraveled the mystery of… Continue Reading …

Forty percent of pastors make it to the five-year mark in ministry before they are ready to leave. Burnout is a natural temptation for anyone in the helping profession. You may want to read: Eight Signs of Spiritual Abuse to See If It’s Happening to… Continue Reading …

Angry kids. Angry parents. This combination is universal in every family on the planet. I cannot imagine any home full of sinners that do not experience sinful anger and the resulting damage it causes. So it wasn’t a surprise that there were several eye-opening moments… Continue Reading …

Every Christian is called to disciple other Christians while evangelizing non-believers. The Bible does not make any other stipulations. Our role is to care for those within our sphere of influence, even if those individuals are within our families.  You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

Girls are unique individuals that every dad, husband, and boyfriend needs to understand. Regardless of her age, there are universal truths that apply to all girls. You may want to read: Sex Before Marriage Is the Beginning of a Trail of Tears Open Letter to… Continue Reading …

One of the most common complaints that I have heard during marriage counseling has been along the lines of, “He is not the person that I married.” You may want to read: Sex Before Marriage Is the Beginning of a Trail of Tears A Girl… Continue Reading …

There are good reasons to get married, and there is the best reason to get married. There are good and bad reasons to reconcile. This chapter is about both scenarios. You may want to read: Get Ready – For Your Best Marriage Now Centering Your… Continue Reading …

What is the most important quality that you want in a spouse? Of all the qualities, there is one transcending idea that must be at the top of your list. If your spouse has it, your chances for a great marriage are high. You may… Continue Reading …

Since the inauguration of Donald Trump as the 45th President of the United States, it seems our country has exploded with riots, Twitter Nation is blowing up daily, and the Hollywood echo chamber has hit an all-time high decibel level. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

How can you tell if a man is fulfilling his role as a servant leader? What is the primary thing you are looking for when assessing him? How can you know if he is hitting the “servant leadership” mark? There is a clear way to… Continue Reading …

Confidentiality within a Christian worldview is a biblical anomaly. What I mean is that it’s a cultural idea that has crept into a Christian way of thinking about relationships. You may want to read: Rick’s Booklet, Communication: Redeeming Talk Trouble A Practical Plan to Break… Continue Reading …

Celebrating a birthday is fun. Each family has their birthday tradition. For the past few years, we have been celebrating our family birthdays this way. We call them birthday adventures. Lucia’s birthday is on the 23rd of this month. It is one of the five… Continue Reading …

You know your marriage is stable when you can have sexually-oriented conversations with your spouse. Outside of having intimate discussions about what the Lord is doing in your life, there is probably no other kind of marital talk that reveals the real strength of your… Continue Reading …

You will be alarmed when you realize how much Facebook is similar to porn. Though you may be aghast at the idea of pornography and those who use it, the sobering truth is that Facebook can be a subtle and deceptive substitute that is entrapping… Continue Reading …

The gospel frees us from all our past sins, but some Christians do not know how to be released from their past actions. The long-term guilt can be deadly to their souls, as well as their current relationships. That’s what happened to Mable. You may… Continue Reading …

How you think about others will determine the quality of the soul care that you will provide to them. One of the most important keys to remember when it comes to discipleship is that all your care falls within the parameters of speck fishing. You… Continue Reading …

This story is one of the lowlights of my Christian life as I tried to impose my self-righteous standards on a cigarette smoking man who did not know Jesus. You may want to read: A Practical Plan to Break Free from Being Controlled by Others… Continue Reading …

Often people who experience the sin of others react by sinning in response to what happened to them. Many of these “victims of sin” do not come back around and ask forgiveness for their sinful attitude toward the person who hurt them. But when they… Continue Reading …

A father is a picture of what God the Father is like to a child. Because the child thinks in simple ways, his first impression of a father is the one he has. Dad, how are you imitating God the Father to your child? You… Continue Reading …

It’s easy to assume that you know where to begin when discipling someone. You are rarely correct. As you start to ask the right questions, you learn quickly that the individual is not what you thought they were. You may want to read: 12 Universal… Continue Reading …

One of the more natural temptations for me to yield to is sinful anger. But it might not look like what you expect. It manifests in subtle ways that may not be perceived by others. And when I choose anger, I’m missing something significant. You… Continue Reading …

Sometimes the Lord creates situations that appear more ominous than hopeful. After you reflect back on those moments, you see the miraculous hand of God. That’s what happened when I had breakfast with a prostitute. You may want to read: Silo Christians Do Not Enter… Continue Reading …

It’s 3:06 AM. A man can only sleep so much. I came out of surgery shortly after 4 PM yesterday, staring up at a lady that I will never remember. You may want to read: The Anniversary of the Worst Day of My Life The… Continue Reading …

You don’t want to be a dull Christian. You don’t want to harden your conscience. You have a choice. You can speak the truth, specifically about yourself. If you don’t, your conscience will take its revenge on you. You may want to read: When I… Continue Reading …

Most Christians do not tell big bold lies. We know better. It is morally wrong not to tell the truth. To willfully alter reality to untruth should not be part of any Christian’s game plan. You may want to read: You’ve Been Lied to About… Continue Reading …

If Facebook were a country, it would be the largest country in the world. For most of us, it is a good and useful tool, though it is not a surprise how it could be a source of temptation for the lonely, dissatisfied soul. You… Continue Reading …

I have been pondering death the past few days–since my mother met Jesus last Thursday evening. My reflections have brought to mind the song Empty Chairs and Empty Tables, the sad farewell from Marius to his friends in the musical Les Miserables. You may want… Continue Reading …

What do you do when you fall? When life runs over you and leaves you in despair, how do you respond? How do you get off the mat again? You may want to read: When God Hurls a Storm At You Beyond Your Ability Is… Continue Reading …

Should we use extra-biblical language to describe and offer solutions to the human condition? Is it okay to use words that are not in the Bible, or in ways the Bible does not intend? Do you think the Lord has a problem with you using… Continue Reading …

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young is a difficult book for me to review, not only because of its complex issues but also because I have many dear friends who love it deeply.  You may want to read Why Do You Criticize Ann Voskamp? Watching… Continue Reading …

On July 03, 2008, I posted my first weblog, not knowing if I would write another one. On July 04th, I wrote another article and thought, “That wasn’t too bad. I think I’ll write one tomorrow.” You may want to read: Why People Won’t Listen… Continue Reading …

(I first ran this article on November 30, 2009. On May 29, 2017, Tiger was arrested for suspicion of DUI.) Most people are aware of the ongoing and unfolding drama in the Tiger Woods home in Orlando, FL (November 27, 2009). If you have not, you… Continue Reading …

My mother went to heaven on Thursday, June 20, 2013. The next day, I made this journal entry about her death, life, and finally becoming a Christian. You may want to read: From Despair to Hope—Grieving the Death of a Loved One The Reason I… Continue Reading …

Everyone serves in multiple roles, but all functions are not equal. I’m a child of God, husband to Lucia, father to our children, and friend of many people. I prioritize each role in order of importance. You may want to read: Setting Aside Your Desires… Continue Reading …

Perhaps the best word is not “critique” but now that I have your attention, may I ask if it’s okay to have an opinion of your pastor’s sermons? Maybe you can think about it this way: You may want to read: Dear Pastor, Do You… Continue Reading …

Do you enter the room mouth first or are you sensitive to your friends as you meet them where they are rather than expecting them to think and act like you? This other-centered aspect of the gospel can transform your friendships. You may want to… Continue Reading …

When your heart is not being obedient because you “just don’t feel like doing the right thing,” you need to be obedient anyway to get your heart in the right place. We’ve all had those times of being out-of-sorts and apathetic about doing the right… Continue Reading …

The blessing of habits is you don’t have to think; you do them. The curse of habits is you don’t have to think; you do them. Of course, bad habits lead to sin patterns that are hard to escape, which is why the five redemptive… Continue Reading …

Christianity was a powerful religion that swept through the country of Israel during the time of Christ. Jesus was a force to be reckoned with, and though His opponents tried to extinguish Him, their best plans were crushed (Proverbs 16:9). What they did not know… Continue Reading …

The clearest picture in the New Testament of what a marriage should look like is Christ and the Church. If you want to know how you should think and behave in your marriage, think about Christ and the Church, and imitate them. If you say… Continue Reading …

When the intimacy you have with your idols replaces the intimacy you should have with others, you’re walking on the precipice of sin’s black hole. This reflective article is not about any individual but a composite of twenty years of counseling people who found their… Continue Reading …

I wrote an article about Ann Voskamp. The purpose was to discuss a Christian’s attitude before rebuking someone. Specifically, I was interacting with the “rebuker’s thoughts” about Ann before they confront her publicly about her beliefs and teachings. The article set off a firestorm for… Continue Reading …

Lucia and I recently read a blog article that was mocking Ann Voskamp. It’s more accurate to say they were insulting Ann Voskamp. Read my follow-up article called, How to Rebuke Ann Voskamp and Other People Not Like You I’ll not link the article or… Continue Reading …

Free associate. I’m going to mention a word, and you tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. Ready? Here is the word: unity. What came to your mind? Now, let me ask another question: what is the first thing that comes to… Continue Reading …

We have experienced the past few years the meteoric rise of several national leaders, who gained a large following, only to become disqualified from ministry due to moral failures. You may want to read: How Do You Know If Someone Has Changed? An Appeal from… Continue Reading …

Our family watched the newest Disney movie adaptation of Beauty and the Beast tonight. It was okay. It had all the Disney things you would expect in a movie. But I was disappointed that there were the insertions of an “implied transgender” and two gay… Continue Reading …

In recent local church history, discipleship is more about studying the Bible alone, but when all dysfunction breaks loose in a marriage or family, it’s time for counseling. This approach to caring for others is sad to me because discipleship has always been the church’s… Continue Reading …

The title sounds careless and possibly scary, but before you blow a gasket, let me ask, “Have you reached sinless perfection yet?” We can pretend there is a secret in our lives, but the truth is that it is not a secret at all: we… Continue Reading …

We all say there are no perfect churches. It sounds good, and it is a true statement, but if your local church hurts you, what do you do? That’s when your cliche must be more than that; it must be a life-transforming worldview. You may… Continue Reading …

Fifty Shades of Grey is a phenomenon that continues to rise. Its last boost came during the Valentine’s Day season (2015), with the opening of the movie based on the book. The next boost is Valentine’s 2017 with Fifty Shades Darker. It is no surprise… Continue Reading …

Prayer is every believer’s desire and opportunity, but many Christians struggle to have a consistent and dynamic prayer life. That’s why I want to share eight practical tips to help and guide you as you think about one of the most crucial things we can… Continue Reading …

I have struggled with insomnia—intermittently—since 2003. It has been so long that I rarely talk about it unless someone asks. I resigned myself to insomnia as a way of life. My insomnia is like an unwanted friend who periodically shows up late at night. He… Continue Reading …

Rose was a member of my small group. One night, she asked me what I thought about smoking cigarettes. I said, “It’s not what’s between your fingers that is a problem; it’s what is in your heart.” At that moment, the Lord did the miraculous.… Continue Reading …

The New Testament provides three categories to help people think about and work through their temptations. Resolving debilitating short-term and life-long habits does not always happen the same way for all people. Not only are there different strokes for different folks, but there can be… Continue Reading …

Silo Christianity is when believers draw lines that separate themselves from those in the culture who need the gospel. Their primary methods of talking to those on the other side of the fence are criticism and condemnation. You may want to read: Ten Things to… Continue Reading …

If you are a blogger or podcaster and want to increase your reach, it’s imperative you understand what people are looking for and why they choose to listen to one person but not the other person. I had an interesting question the other day about… Continue Reading …

Husbands are fragile people. We have sensitive egos. We may come across as strong and indifferent, but that is our presentation, not our reality. We are actually quite vulnerable. I wonder if you know this. I am going to break the code of men and… Continue Reading …

Our God is triune. No true Christian denies this, but how exactly to articulate this truth eludes most believers. Because of our limited knowledge or more nefarious purposes, we may insert our personal views into our theology of the Trinity, which manipulates the Trinity to… Continue Reading …

Did you know that, as you face struggles today, not only does God have a glorious outcome in mind, but He is currently present at what is—to you—the future resolution of your problems? Your life comes to you moment by moment, and it slips away… Continue Reading …

Did you know that God is simple? Does it shock you to hear me say that? Nothing but God could possibly be as complicated for a creature to understand, and yet He is simple in the sense that He is not composed of parts. A… Continue Reading …

There may be times in life when the best way for you to honor the Lord is to disagree with those who have limited authority over you. Total subservience to anyone without hope for appeal or alternatives is not in line with God’s Word. The… Continue Reading …

Have you ever heard someone say that something breaks God’s heart? What do you think about when you hear such things? Do you understand the implications of having a God that feels your pain? The doctrine of impassibility holds that God is incapable of suffering.… Continue Reading …

Imagine not needing someone to make you happy. There are so many benefits to the non-needy individual; one of them is the perfect freedom to love others without worrying about what they may or may not do. God is like this. He does not need… Continue Reading …

Someone said a good way to think about infinity is to think of the largest number in the world and add one to it. Keep adding a digit to it forever; that is infinity. It’s helpful, but when you say God is infinite, our best… Continue Reading …

Have you ever wondered how the Bible uses language to explain who God is and what He is like to us? Imagine the challenges of the finite mind attempting to understand the incomprehensibility of an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God. Mercifully, there is a way for… Continue Reading …

Do you study your Bible primarily to learn and grow or to know God most of all? I will make the case that the study of theology could be detrimental to your life if you do not see your primary reason for studying theology as… Continue Reading …

Humans were created for worship; it’s part of our ontology—the nature of our being—as determined by our Creator. You will worship something. If you worship the living God in spirit and truth, you will be transformed into His likeness; if you worship any version of… Continue Reading …

Imperfect people steward neither blessings nor trials well. As Martin Luther said, we are curved inward on ourselves, meaning that self-interest rather than God’s glory or others’ good is what generally rules us, causing us to respond poorly to virtually everything that happens to us.… Continue Reading …

When you see unkindness in others, do you quickly recognize it for what it is? Do the vitriol on the Internet or your more challenging interpersonal relationships bother you? Are you quick to call out uncharitable judgments? What about you? Do you see traces of… Continue Reading …

One of the most effective leadership opportunities that you will have is to ask those close to you how they perceive you. And because we all struggle with anger, asking if they see you as an angry person is an excellent query for them. It… Continue Reading …

You’ve heard the expression, “We can agree to disagree.” It’s catchy, but how are you when it comes to disagreeing with someone who believes differently from you? Are you quick to attack and slow to think? Do your passions run ahead of any redemptive possibilities… Continue Reading …

I love small humans; they make life in this fallen world so much sweeter. My favorite of them is at that age when they can speak well and begin to reason, but they don’t take themselves too seriously yet. You may want to read: A… Continue Reading …

I used to be a feminist, but then I became a Christian, which does not mean I’m unequal to any man. Loving equality and submission are not as complicated as it may seem on the surface. Sadly, I did not understand this common-sense Christian truth… Continue Reading …

We should be able to trust Christian content. Sadly, many times we can’t. And there aren’t any warning labels on the harmful material. Much of what flies off the shelves of Christian stores hinders people’s growth in the grace and knowledge of our Lord, Jesus… Continue Reading …

There are times when you interact with individuals who do not share or understand Christlikeness to its fullest depths. When they sin, do you rebuke them on the spot, or do you overlook it because you have a redemptive objective in view? There may be… Continue Reading …

Have you ever been intimidated by the thought of defending your Christian faith to others? Do you think that because you don’t know every answer to every question, someone might say you are not qualified to speak up for Christ? Would it bless you if… Continue Reading …

The confession of sin is one part of full repentance. If you want to change your life, you will have to do more than confess your sins. We’ve been talking about why Christians sometimes don’t change. You may want to read: Four Essentials That Authenticate… Continue Reading …

Helping a spouse overcome sin is a privilege and a challenge with many pitfalls. One of those pitfalls is your willingness to “handle their truth” without becoming angry. Can you be trusted with the disappointing truth about your spouse? Megan’s husband, Jeff, is a huge… Continue Reading …

If your husband tells you to stand on your head in the corner, are you obligated to do it since he isn’t asking you to sin by doing so? Are you bound by God and your marriage covenant to submit to him in every way?… Continue Reading …

Show Notes I recently sat down with my friend, Will Lohnes, to be interviewed by him. Will is working on his D.Min. and is doing his dissertation on soul care in the local church. Below are the show notes, which have Will’s questions, plus my… Continue Reading …

When you consider spiritual disciplines, where does fasting rank? Most Christians pray, read, and study their Bibles regularly. Praise God! Many engage in fellowship, discipleship, and evangelism. Yet, fasting often falls lower on the list of our practiced disciplines. Why is this? I propose fasting… Continue Reading …

Where do you begin when it comes to establishing and building friendships? May I suggest that you start with an uber-honesty with God? Building relationally with others should always begin with the Lord. Start by telling Him what He already knows about you. If you… Continue Reading …

On June 22-23, 2015, I led a two-day biblical counseling conference in Powell, WY, at Trinity Bible Church. These are my notes from the second session of that biblical counseling conference. Show Notes The key idea for this session is, “The change process must begin at… Continue Reading …

On June 22-23, 2015, I led a two-day biblical counseling conference in Powell, WY, at Trinity Bible Church. This episode is the first installment of the four-session conference. Show Notes You may read this article and listen to the podcast that explains the content of… Continue Reading …

Inconsistency in your walk can indicate a breakdown in abiding, the process of maintaining a full, dependent, and intimate relationship with God through following Christ. Read the Series: Chapter 1 – The Dynamics of the Old and New Selves Chapter 2 – When Your Preferred… Continue Reading …

To find joy and contentment—part of what it means to have an abundant life—you must understand the spiritual blessings you already possess and recognize how the “call to die” brings those things (Luke 9:23). We all want to live happy and exciting lives. We mentally… Continue Reading …

What is the controlling voice in your head? I’m talking about the one there before you became a Christian, and it still “talks” to you today. In Ephesians 4:22, Paul explains that the internal dialogue in our minds is part of our old way of… Continue Reading …

Many Christians falsely believe a perfect marriage awaits them as they learn to trust and obey God. This assumption can go like this: “Isn’t a happy marriage one of the blessings of following Christ?” You may want to read: How to Bring the Gospel of… Continue Reading …

An unchanging spouse can complicate any marriage, especially when you want your spouse to change so badly that you use sin to make it happen. The Bible presents an alternative path: the gospel of hope. However, this hope comes through sacrifice and learning to uphold our… Continue Reading …

All marriages experience difficulties. But for some Christians, their faith seems powerless to overcome the discord. They are unable to appropriate the gospel into their marriage practically. There is a solution for these struggling believers. You may want to read: What You Communicate In Crisis… Continue Reading …

Your attempt to grow in humility is a threat to “self” and initiates an internal conflict as “self” seeks ways to maintain power and control in your life. This fourth chapter explores the role of self in your response to the difficulties of life. Read the… Continue Reading …

With “self” perpetually present, and its accompanying desire for control, the act of surrender is a moment-by-moment requirement. To help illustrate this tendency, having an accurate understanding of your old, in-Adam identity, and your new, in-Christ identity is helpful. Read the Series: Chapter 1 –… Continue Reading …

Anger brings with it a visceral internal unsettledness, energy, and volatility that drives your actions. You cannot leave it alone because the natural processing of righteous anger through “self” will use this energy for selfish purposes, resulting in sinful anger (James 4:3). Read the Series:… Continue Reading …

After salvation, the struggles with sin and self continue to be practically active in your life. It’s critical for you to understand these dynamics of putting off the old self and putting on a new person so you can abide in the satisfying life of… Continue Reading …

Couples facing marriage difficulties often point to poor communication as the core issue. However, much of the conflict arises from each partner’s pursuit of functional identities—seeking fulfillment in roles, status, or personal achievements apart from Christ. Despite a desire for change, old interaction patterns resurface,… Continue Reading …

The Christian is called to live an inside-to-outside life. This kind of experience means our life with God begins on the inside (motives) and manifests on the outside (behaviors). Tim Keller calls this The Inside-out Kingdom. You may want to read: An Excellent Way to… Continue Reading …

Exploring your functional identity during a season of difficulty benefits you in many ways. I’m speaking of your practical life that might conflict with what it means to be a Christian. Wayward hearts and vulnerable souls can easily skew their identities, resulting in the construction… Continue Reading …

There is a common belief within the Christian community that we have God-given desires like love and respect that are good but can morph into evil desires from our selfish hearts. Is this accurate? Should the statement be unchallenged? You may want to read: You… Continue Reading …

Do you keep doing the same sin over and over again? Have you found your spiritual growth stagnating because of a recurring bondage to a particular sin pattern? Has behavioral modification fallen short of the actual life change you desire? You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

Parenting children becomes complicated when they do not do what we ask them to do, and then we demand their conformity. Even if we are right, it is wrong to use anger or other forms of unkindness to manipulate children into obedience. One of the… Continue Reading …

In my last article, I discussed how a proper understanding of our flesh-Spirit conflict and our new identity in Christ is necessary to maintain a joyful perseverance in life. In this article, I will address how these truths ministered to Mary–the fictional single mom briefly… Continue Reading …

The Christian life can be frustrating. We enjoy adoption into God’s family, but our struggle with the flesh creates an internal restlessness. Some people approach this contention with joyful perseverance, while others tailspin into despair. Leaving Despair and Entering Joyful Perseverance Three Mind Maps to… Continue Reading …

In our training program, I talk about The Gospel “Y” Chart, which is a remix of the “Y” Chart that has been popularized among some biblical counselors. There is also a helpful infographic and video short (below) that teaches several key elements regarding how a person changes.… Continue Reading …

The fight to resist porn will more than likely be a daily battle for the rest of your life. This does not have to be bad news if you’re equipped, ready, and willing to fight the battle. In This Series: Mind Mapping How to Think… Continue Reading …

There are specific and practical steps necessary to break free from porn addiction. This process is called progressive sanctification, which is born out of a right understanding of the addiction. In This Series: Mind Mapping How to Think about a Porn Addiction – 1.0 Mind… Continue Reading …

The fight against a porn addiction begins in your mind. How you think about what is happening precedes the practical steps you implement to fight this problem. In This Series: Mind Mapping How to Think about a Porn Addiction – 1.0 Mind Mapping How to… Continue Reading …

Pro-abortionists often claim that abortion is humane and a logical and practical means for furthering evolution. The two major points that pro-abortionists regularly attempt to make are that abortion is both a women’s rights issue and a women’s health issue. Thus, in their estimation, abortion… Continue Reading …

A couple of decades ago, it was a popular trend to see people wearing wristbands inscribed with “WWJD.” Most of us recognize this popular acronym, which asks the question, “What would Jesus do?” Sometimes, it seemed as though people treated this question as if it… Continue Reading …

Whether it is masks, COVID-19 information, rioters/protestors, the character of presidential candidates, etc., people are positioning themselves based on what they perceive to be true concerning these various issues. Still, almost everyone is becoming unconformable and irritated at all the misinformation and confusion that abounds.… Continue Reading …

If black lives truly matter to you, and they should, then you will support the people who protect black lives the most. But unlike the narrative being propagated in mainstream media, it is not the liberal group Black Lives Matter, which exists to fund the… Continue Reading …

I will never forget the first time that I confronted a verbally abusive husband during a counseling session. As with many authoritarian husbands, this particular man declared his harsh treatment of his wife to be his biblical duty—a perceived badge of honor. As with far… Continue Reading …

ADHD points to a perceived problem with a child. The most vital determination is not the observed behavior but the presupposition you will use to bring clarity and a solution to what you’re seeing in the individual. You may want to read: Dr. Daniel Berger… Continue Reading …

I do not enjoy debating or arguing with other people. Yet, debating, dialoguing, and working through disagreements are unfortunate realities for all people who lack full knowledge and complete truth. We are all semi-enlightened people, which is why I want to share six concepts when… Continue Reading …

There are many choices when it comes to addiction, which is the result of our universal fall in Adam. Each person is an addict, though the outworking of our addictions varies. It’s critical for you to recognize this truth and to choose God as the… Continue Reading …

What the human heart desperately needs to overcome addiction is a supernatural transformation that gives the individual a new master who supplies new desires. If God’s grace changes the heart, which it does, then the addict can pursue the right values, treasures, and rewards, and… Continue Reading …

One of the most asked questions that I receive privately is how to help a loved one or friend to overcome an addiction. To better answer this question, there is a great need to first understand what addiction is. In this series by Dr. Daniel… Continue Reading …

Unfortunately, discipline has come to mean “punishment” in most Christians’ and secularists’ understanding. You find seventy percent of the usages in Scripture (musar, yasar, and paediea) in the book of Proverbs, so Proverbs provides one of the best understandings of the biblical concept. You may… Continue Reading …

For the last two decades, numerous people have written on, and public figures have exposed the clear correlation between mass shootings and the influence of psychiatric drugs. What is too often absent in these discussions, however, is a scientific explanation as to how psychoactive drugs… Continue Reading …

The psychiatric label of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) describes not a disease, but an impairing event(s) and a person’s normal reaction to it. Likewise, the secular label of PTSD provides clear insight into the popular but false humanistic belief about human nature. You may want… Continue Reading …

What causes children to misbehave, to be anxious, to lash out at others, or to be angry at parents? Is the same cause responsible for a child’s nervous twitches, social awkwardness, repetition of amoral behavior, or struggle to communicate? You may want to read: Rick’s… Continue Reading …

If you are like me, you have read countless articles about the new Beauty and the Beast live-action movie produced by Disney ©. Some people have chosen to boycott the movie because of the publicized subtle inclusion of homosexuality into the new Script. As I… Continue Reading …

Unless you have been living detached from electronics for the past five years, you are well aware of the many campaigns to “destigmatize mental illness.” You may want to listen: Daniel Berger Interview on Mental Illness, Pt. 1 Daniel Berger Interview on Mental Illness, Pt.… Continue Reading …

Every Christian is a biblical counselor, but God did not create all believers equally. We have different gifts, and the Lord has various plans for all of us. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses while “filling up” your capacities according to the Lord’s design is vital… Continue Reading …

Christmas has never been about glitter, has it? Or bright twinkling lights. It’s about being “the servant of the Lord” and about giving yourself to meet the needs of others. That’s how God did it in Jesus. He gave Himself—a tiny babe, perfect, sinless—to meet… Continue Reading …

Domestic abuse is hard to capsulize in a short weblog. There are scores of explanations and angles to this pandemic problem that crosses geographical borders and generational lines. In this article I will give only a few problems associated with domestic abuse, just to draw… Continue Reading …

Creatively loving, encouraging, admonishing, comforting, serving, and even forgiving one another begins with a godly use of imagination. How are you using your imagination to help others love God? I woke up last night following a nightmare of my family caught in a tragedy. It… Continue Reading …

Have you ever thought about how God views our rest from His work? Have you seen someone talk about needing “me time” or needing “to get away?” Do we need a break from work in the way most people talk about that? Is It a… Continue Reading …

Your perspectives are essential because whatever they are, they are the reasons why you do what you do. The lens through which you see things determines how you respond to life. You may want to read: You Hurt Me, So I Don’t Love You Anymore… Continue Reading …

Your spouse says she’s leaving. You’re totally taken off guard. That is what happened to me. Here are a few thoughts on how to respond to this crisis, and I trust it will encourage those who are struggling in their marriages. You may want to… Continue Reading …

Recently I read the following on Facebook, We were blessed to have [our baby] on earth for two birthdays. Today, he would be six years old. I can only dream of who he would be today. I can’t put into words how much I miss… Continue Reading …

For many Christians, politics has a way of inverting the context (orthodoxy) and application (orthopraxy) of the words Christ spoke: “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” See… Continue Reading …

“Hidden Figures” is an excellent movie about three talented black women in the racist sixties. As wonderful as that is, the greater story is not their blackness but how God’s image is magnified through jars of clay. Not to us, O Lord, not to us,… Continue Reading …

A recent CNBC.com article contained an embedded tweet from President Donald Trump that caught my attention. It reads: If Chicago doesn’t fix the horrible “carnage” going on, 228 shootings in 2017 with 42 killings (up 24% from 2016), I will send in the Feds! In… Continue Reading …

For many within the evangelical church, the doctrine of the sovereignty of God is a difficult one to accept. “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so… Continue Reading …

Nearly two decades after the advent of the first camera phone, selfies remain a thing. It seems everyone from former President Barack Obama to Pope Francis has become enamored with the prospect of taking pictures of themselves and posting them on social media to the… Continue Reading …

Marriage is a subject that has been – and continues to be – talked about to infinity and back. More specifically, how to have a “happy marriage” (with “happy” being open to interpretation). Warning – Jesus talked a lot about dying to yourself and taking… Continue Reading …

From the Darrell Harrison series: 10 Things the black church should stop doing This is the first in a series of commentaries I’ll be writing on traditions and customs that, in my humble opinion, are doing damage to the missional purpose of what is commonly… Continue Reading …

From the Darrell Harrison series: 10 things the black church should stop doing This is the second in a series of commentaries I’ll be writing on traditions and customs that, in my humble opinion, are doing damage to the missional purpose of what is commonly… Continue Reading …

From the Darrell Harrison series: 10 Things the black church should stop doing This is the third in a series of commentaries I’ll be writing on traditions and customs that, in my humble opinion, are doing damage to the missional purpose of what is commonly… Continue Reading …

When someone makes a mistake, what is your process for addressing it? Should you let it go or speak out? If you do speak out against the perceived wrong, what would it look like in practice? Speaking against wrongs happens every day, and knowing how… Continue Reading …

This is the fourth in a series of commentaries I’ll be writing on traditions and customs that, in my humble opinion, are doing damage to the missional purpose of what is commonly referred to as the “black church”. The objective of this series is not… Continue Reading …

It seems the incessant noise about race relations in America is becoming more deafening with each passing day. The topic has become so ubiquitous it’s as if the very word ‘racism’ is the last one you hear before going to bed each night, and the… Continue Reading …

The question is a simple one: Does an American citizen who is legally registered to vote have the right to cast that vote for the candidate of his or her choice? Simple enough, right? Apparently not, as it depends on who you ask. The post-election… Continue Reading …

Much is being made today of the state of the so-called “black community.” Unfortunately, this is not breaking news. The truth is that we made much of the black community in the 1960s. …and the 1970s… …and the 1980s… …and the 1990s… …and… Well, you… Continue Reading …

As increasing numbers of professing Christians subscribe to a gospel of social justice – a fundamental tenet of which is the resurrection and prosecution of past sins committed primarily by white evangelical Christians against black people whether by commission or omission – the term ‘evangelical… Continue Reading …

Intentionally mixing your church with black and white individuals may appear to be integrated, but if the Lord is not building His church, our cries for multiethnicity within any local church will be nothing more than social justice window dressing. Read More from Darrell Harrison:… Continue Reading …

The love that every spouse needs for a fantastic marriage is not theirs to give. This kind of love is a gift from God. The Lord possesses and provides it for those who want it. If you have received God’s covenantal love, you will not… Continue Reading …

The discontented Christian is an oxymoronic expression. But the evidence of such a person is all around us, and maybe even in your heart. Each day is a new opportunity for me to find my satisfaction in Christ alone, and though His grace is sufficient… Continue Reading …

Life Over Coffee Devotions 31-Day Marriage Devotion 31-Day Parenting Devotion 31-Day Young Adult Devotion I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth (1 Corinthians 3:6). One of the hardest things a Christian parent will ever experience is a child choosing not to walk with… Continue Reading …