Life Over Coffee | Blogroll

Sometimes the job is so enormous that you can’t do it alone. You don’t have all the right gifts, the personality, the strengths, or the necessary know-how. It’s at these moments when you need something (or someone) more fabulous than you, a person who can… Continue Reading …

Have you ever tried to train a flea? As odd as that may sound, the concept is not only real—it’s incredibly instructive. The process is simple. You place a flea—or perhaps a flock of fleas (though I’m not convinced “flock” is the technical term)—into a… Continue Reading …

You have a friend in trouble. They appear to be at the end of themselves, but you’re not sure. You’re not uncharitably judging them, but you know that the only way they can experience restoration from God and satisfaction in Him is by being at… Continue Reading …

There is a problem trusting God when His ways seem foolish, and we have a well-worn habit of getting what we want through our self-reliant means. Of course, when we choose human wisdom and strength over God’s, it will have a debilitating effect on our… Continue Reading …

Children should not work for affection. Christian parents imitate God; one way to do this is by loving them just because they are their children. We know our children are not perfect, and there is a time to deal with their imperfections, but love should… Continue Reading …

Are you able to use sin sinlessly? I am asking how do you respond to the inevitableness of sin in your life, whether it is yours or someone else’s. When wickedness comes, it will drive us in one of two directions. We will either fixate… Continue Reading …

Have you ever been discouraged? Silly question, I know. You are human, and you have battled our discouraging foe. Finite people living in an uncontrollable, infinite world create a formula that leads to despair. Throw sin into the mix, and discouragement is a guarantee. I… Continue Reading …

Sometimes in life, you have to get into a conflict with someone. This dreaded reality is not a wish, desire, or prayer request but rather a common-sense perspective that comes with living in a sin-cursed world. It is impossible to have two or more humans… Continue Reading …

Have you ever felt upside down? Ever found yourself depressed? Discouraged? Apathetic? Have you ever felt like you were losing hope? It will be no surprise if you have been in such a place. And if you have, it means you’re a human. You are… Continue Reading …

Our mission is to help people by providing practical tools and ongoing training for effective living. The joy of the mission is that people come from all over the world, hoping to find help for their most pressing problems, and God has positioned us to… Continue Reading …

To say “I’m busy” is like saying I breathed air today. Being a Christian and not being busy is an oxymoron. The un-busy Christian is the problem of the person who does not take the gospel seriously. To use another analogy, we’re like kids in… Continue Reading …

Our published mission statement is to help people by providing practical tools and ongoing training for effective living. If you ask me, that is what I will tell you. But there is another mission statement I’m more passionate about, and it’s the driving force behind… Continue Reading …

What expectations have you had that did not come to fruition? How did you respond when you did not get what you had hoped? All of us have had dashed expectations. To expect stuff is human. So is not getting life the way you planned,… Continue Reading …

There is a surprising backstory to why this ministry exists today. You don’t know this story because the person the Lord chose to elevate this ministry was just a regular guy who was obedient to the Lord’s call on his life. I want to tell… Continue Reading …

In the last chapter, I talked about the differences between boys and girls and their unique sexual temptations. Now I’m going to talk about the long-term consequences of premarital sex by looking at a couple who had premarital sex and the long-term effects of their… Continue Reading …

One of the more surprising things I have learned from a career in counseling is that the average Christian does not know how to change. The Bible’s word for change is repentance. Knowing how to do it is the most important thing you will ever… Continue Reading …

A few years ago, I was speaking with a friend who had a troubled conscience. She did not tell me that she had an uneasy conscience, but after spending time with her, it became apparent that she had a lot of anxiety in her soul.… Continue Reading …

Most relationships begin with a lot of talking and not so many frustrations. As the communicators continue in their relationship, complexity increases. Sometimes one of the partners becomes silent. He becomes quiet while the other partner is left to speculate on what happened. In this… Continue Reading …

It’s possible to let your thoughts run to places that are not redemptive during frustrating and disappointing times. We are in those times. The two primary strongholds are fear and anger. Fearfulness captures too many of us in dire situations while others respond angrily at… Continue Reading …

Disappointments come into our lives nearly every day. Getting what you want, how you want it, when you want it is not always possible in a fallen world. One of the essential assessments you could ever make about yourself is learning what your disappointments reveal… Continue Reading …

Is it possible to get to the point in your spiritual life where external things do not control you internally? The Bible says it is possible, but only through the portal of adversity. This truth is what Paul was hoping the Philippians would learn. … Continue Reading …

“I’m thinking about pursuing counselor training and had some questions about the process, as well as the type of training organization from which I should receive my training. The counseling movement has changed over the past fifty years. Would you be willing to speak to… Continue Reading …

An algorithm is a formula for collecting data about you to make your life better, so they say. It’s a collection of data bits that reflects your Internet habits; it’s a cyber-reflection of you. In marketing, an algorithm on a person helps sellers target specific… Continue Reading …

One of the crucial keys to building a ministry or business is the process of redefining yourself. If you don’t do this, you will lose your impact and relevancy. Your voice in the marketplace will not grow. The “this is how we have always done… Continue Reading …

Paul said, “To live is Christ.” In four syllables, he explained why and what for his earthly existence. Apart from asking the Lord to regenerate you, you could not make a more life-transforming statement. Why was Paul living? Christ. What was his point of living?… Continue Reading …

When you think about your sanctification, what do you believe regarding your role in it? Are you beholding to passive or active obedience or both? Passive is sitting, soaking, and trusting, while active is doing something with your faith. When suffering comes, is trusting God… Continue Reading …

Have you been on the receiving end of gossip? How did you respond? What did your reaction reveal about your walk with the Lord? One of the most challenging relational opportunities is when someone gossips about you. When it happens, there are several options for… Continue Reading …

What impact can the president of the United States have on our country? With so many moving political parts needed to make our country function well, can one person make that much difference? Is it possible that we have placed too much weight on the… Continue Reading …

How would you describe your worldview when it comes to children and education? What kind of school environment should you place your child into for their good and God’s fame? What are some of the elements of your decision-making that led to your choice? Rick… Continue Reading …

There are specific conditions where it’s more challenging to help a child change. It’s vital to know these things if your child is not walking with the Lord. The great news is that there is always hope because you can do something about it. Hope… Continue Reading …

Evil has never been as infringing on our families as it is today. If you wanted to find ubiquitous sin twenty years ago, you had to go somewhere to find it. Today you can get there in five seconds. Not only is wickedness easily accessible… Continue Reading …

Living a life honoring God requires a person to rest well. If you rest well, you will work well, and the other parts of your life will be satisfying, too. I suspect that most people in first-world countries do not have good rest habits and… Continue Reading …

The number one reason you need someone is not to meet your deepest longings but to image the Trinity in a relationship community. To fully grasp this, you must pretend—at least for a moment. Let’s go back to the Garden of Eden when there was… Continue Reading …

Every individual is part of the same human family, made by one Being, and connected to one another because of His creative work. The linkage that binds us together came from God’s mind and flowed through His creative hands—anthropomorphically speaking—in Genesis 1:27. Each person—regardless of… Continue Reading …

Our pastor said, and I paraphrase, “Toxic people are magnets who draw shards of truth and untruth into their orbit to build an image of their making to accomplish their purposes. Their hearts are fictional factories. If you permit them to do so, they will… Continue Reading …

Christians are aliens who live in a foreign land. This home is not theirs, but while they are here, they must live on a practical mission that penetrates the culture, hoping that others will follow them to their eternal home. Sadly, some alien Christians lose… Continue Reading …

What is the goal for your child? It’s a good and fair question. What do you hope for him or her to be when they grow up? Most Christian parents would rightly say they hope that their children love God with all of their hearts,… Continue Reading …

There is a problem for the Christian who believes he can live any way he wants to live because God has saved him. Though he is free from the penalty of sin, he is not free from idolatry’s consequences. Grace does not give him the… Continue Reading …

Daniel Berger and I talked about the word victim and how many biblical counselors are abusing the term, which has led to insufficient care within the biblical counseling movement ranks. Daniel told me the word victim comes from the Latin root vicarious, which means taking… Continue Reading …

Have you ever looked at something you disliked in the culture and then realized that you may be seeing a partial reflection of yourself? I hope so. If you can see yourself, at least some of your tendencies, weaknesses, and untoward desires in the things… Continue Reading …

A counseling office is a place for trust, truth, and honesty, but sometimes getting to this place is not straightforward. For example, a counselee may withhold the truth about themselves because they are not confident the counselor is trustworthy. They are vetting the counselor. Every… Continue Reading …

When you’re right about something, you know you’re right, the Bible affirms you’re right, and your friends do too, how do you steward your knowledge? Have you ever been right in the past, but now you believe differently? You were not right, but you thought… Continue Reading …

A struggling teen is every parent’s concern. We all know that there is something dynamic happening to our teenagers, and the decisions they make during this season of their lives will set the course for the rest of their lives. If they are not doing… Continue Reading …

Being a victim of anything is one of the most challenging circumstances for a hurting soul to negotiate. The journey out of the effects of victimization is long. Some contours will challenge the victim to the broadest expanse of their soul. Their ultimate goal is… Continue Reading …

When abuse forms the lens through how you view what is happening in your life or among friends, it may discolor how you interpret and react to those experiences. I’m not suggesting that bad things are not happening to you or your friends, but I… Continue Reading …

In each election cycle, finding the best candidate can be a daunting and challenging task. To vote or not to vote is rarely the question, but who to vote for can be a problem. This year is no exception. The adage is true: what you… Continue Reading …

Whenever we bring words, language, and constructs from the culture and wedge them into a biblical paradigm, things become awkward, and emotions tend to erupt. This problem is what has happened with the word abuse. We grabbed it from the world, with all its accompanying… Continue Reading …

One of today’s most popular and accepted lifestyles is LGBTQ+. The plus (+) symbol at the end means it’s a living label; you can keep adding to it. How does this new and accepted way to think about gender and gender roles make you feel?… Continue Reading …

The word abuse has become a catchall phrase with too many Christians. It’s a construct that is full of all sorts of things, and it’s now in danger of losing its worth. When you dilute a subject to include virtually anything, the original meaning is… Continue Reading …

Cornelius Van Til said there are no neutral facts. Meaning that two people can look at the same thing and come away with differing perspectives, and both of them are right. For example, a married couple can talk about the same event in different ways,… Continue Reading …

If you were to lose the most precious thing in your life, how would you respond? Perhaps you have lost something meaningful to you. If so, you’re well aware of the strength of your faith in your time of loss. I was thinking about these… Continue Reading …

If a family member or friend does not meet your expectations, what is your primary way of motivating them to change? Do you encourage them toward a better way of living, or do you use other methods like criticism, nagging, and condemnation that tempt them… Continue Reading …

Are you an attractive person? I’m not speaking of cultural attractiveness. The peak of attractiveness has a biblical look to it. Jesus was a holy and righteous man, and non-religious people were comfortable hanging with Him. That’s the picture of attractiveness that I’m going for… Continue Reading …

Every family in America has experienced the adverse impact of sexual-related issues. The Internet, sexual abuse, fornication, adultery, and our bent toward immodest clothes, makeup, and presenting ourselves a certain way are part of the word cloud that describes this sexual pandemic. What may surprise… Continue Reading …

People are not equal. It’s a rational idea, but not everyone believes it. Some folks think there can be no disparities between individuals. Everyone gets a trophy. They teach that all outcomes must be the same, even if we have to twist the truth and… Continue Reading …

Proverbs 26:4-5 says that I’m supposed to respond to a fool, and then it says that I’m not to respond to a fool. What is the difference? How am I to know when I should respond to a foolish person or move on with my… Continue Reading …

If you don’t look out for number one, you will fall by the wayside. Don’t expect anyone else to do it for you. Thus, the question is if you don’t do it, who will? Who is going to take care of you? Probably nobody, which… Continue Reading …

Abuse is a broad category. In today’s culture, it may include micro-aggressions, which can be anything from subtle to intentional slights toward another person. On the other end of the abuse spectrum are some of the most heinous events that can happen to a human being.… Continue Reading …

2020 has brought about a new normal for almost everyone globally, part of which is the amping-up of the “woke crowd” in America. These seemingly new voices have chosen various political, social, and even religious subjects to express to the world that they are now… Continue Reading …

What do you expect from life? If you’re like me, you have many expectations, and some of them have not come to pass. To have expectations is to be Christlike. To have your expectations managing you is not like Christ. Your attitude about God, self,… Continue Reading …

Biff wants to begin a counseling ministry in his local church. The leadership is aware of the church’s sanctification needs; they want help and humbly acknowledge this need. They asked Biff to propose a plan. He asked me how to go about this new endeavor.… Continue Reading …

One of the essential goals of parenting is the practice of releasing your children to the culture where they will eventually live. Part of this process is for them to live less under the governance of the parent’s rules and more under God’s authority. As… Continue Reading …

What do you want? What would you like to have? Do these desires come from the heart of contentment? To want something does not have to be wrong. We should always want all kinds of things throughout our lives. To not want things is not… Continue Reading …

Is there someone in your life with whom you struggle? Stated differently, who bothers you? Has someone done something that has brought friction into your relationship with them? What if you flipped the question around: have you done something to someone that has caused friction?… Continue Reading …

There are many benefits to living in our world, and you should not feel guilty about these good things. However, we can become so accustomed to “our way of life” that when something disrupts our expectations, it can dismantle us. It’s precisely in these moments… Continue Reading …

As the divide in our country continues to widen, the temptation to be harsh, sinfully angry, or retaliate in ungodly ways toward those who think differently from you is high. There are times when we can think more highly of ourselves and less considerate of… Continue Reading …

“Tough love” has become one of the mantras in modern Christian culture, i.e., love languages. Like many popularized sayings, it has taken on an unintended—harsh—meaning that does not bring about the peaceful fruit of righteousness. What do you think about tough love? What comes to… Continue Reading …

You’re only as strong as your hope, and if your main hope is not in Christ, you are not as strong as you should be. The way to know where you have placed your primary hope is by how you react to the difficulties and… Continue Reading …

There is something about the title that sounds counterintuitive to our self-reliant and self-protective lives. Even so, doesn’t it have a biblical ring to it? You die to live (Matthew 16:24-26). You humble yourself to be exalted (Matthew 23:12). You give up something to gain… Continue Reading …

In God’s mind, your life is over. He sees the end from the beginning. The Lord stands outside of time—a macro view, looking inside your timeline, which has a start and end date, and He’s helping you navigate your journey. You’re not sure where you’re… Continue Reading …

Many marriages, families, and churches have a common link—a missing one. In a word, it’s fellowship. I’m not speaking of having a social conversation with someone. Biblically speaking, fellowship is when two or more people willingly, humbly, openly, transparently, honestly, and vulnerably share themselves reciprocally,… Continue Reading …

Describe the aroma of your home. Would you say it’s a place where joy, gratitude, and thanksgiving are regularly wafting through the rooms? As you think about the environment in your home, perhaps you can narrow the focus down to yourself (Matthew 7:3-5). How aggressive… Continue Reading …

Some individuals within a specific ethnic group have been guilty of making every person within another ethnic or demographic the same. For example, all whites are the same; all blacks are the same; everyone on the alt-right is the same, as well as those on… Continue Reading …

When your companion is darkness rather than light and your circumstances are overwhelming you in a season of acute need, there is no more of a critical time in life for God to reveal Himself to you. But sometimes your answer to your praying is… Continue Reading …

God creates children in His image. Parents have a responsibility to shape their children for God with the hope and prayer that when they are old enough to understand, they will follow Him. Then things get off track. The parent makes mistakes. The child reacts… Continue Reading …

Gaslighting is the mental manipulation that someone does to another individual. It’s a psychological maneuver of abusive-type people who want to control you by making you believe you’re guilty of something you did not do. If they persist, you may give up and accept what… Continue Reading …

You can be an adulterer, but as long as you’re a civil rights activist, you’re accepted. You can be for killing babies, but if you’re not a racist, you’re okay. You can vote to legalize narcotics, but if you refrain from racist remarks, you’re fine.… Continue Reading …

I was chatting recently with a Christian counselor who said that her mentors taught her that Christian counselors should not show emotion during counseling sessions. She asked me what I thought about this kind of teaching. What do you think? It is okay to cry… Continue Reading …

Rick, recently you talked about how you tend to live on “military time” and Lucia lives on “island time” and how you both have had to work through your conflicting personality traits in your marriage. You also tied this to how the gospel speaks to… Continue Reading …

What is your primary way of relating to people? Do you connect superficially, or do you engage them where they live? I’m talking about reaching a person in their hearts. It is imperative to reach folks at the right place so that they can experience… Continue Reading …

One of the most natural things you will ever do is respond sinfully to the sin of another person. When you do this, it reveals a lot about how you think about yourself, the other person, and the Lord. Part of this problem is we… Continue Reading …

Once a parent, ever a parent. Even after a parent loses hands-on oversight and care of their children as they get older, they never stop thinking about them—always wondering and praying for their well-being. Before that sad day of their departure comes, I want to… Continue Reading …

Teenagers don’t have to be angry or disconnected, but many of them are. Rather than speculating on why they are this way, some practical advice on how to change would be appropriate. This article is for that teenager who is looking for help to change… Continue Reading …

A rebellious teenager is a complicated problem with many sides to it. Loving parents want to motivate this kind of child to change, but too often, they are not aware of all that is involved in helping him. Here are ten practical things that any… Continue Reading …

My friend has a hidden, secret sin, which she is afraid to confess to me. I see her in bondage to what she has done and was wondering if it is right or if it would be helpful if she confessed her sin to me.… Continue Reading …

I have heard that you cannot counsel non-Christians with God’s Word. It’s not true. You can help anyone with the Bible, no matter what their relationship is like with the Lord. The more relevant question is, how do you do it? What are some practical… Continue Reading …

God is acting decisively at the cross to work out His purposes to bring everyone from all nations, at all times, to Himself. Apart from the cross, there is no way to understand or enjoy life the way God intends. It’s a mystery as much… Continue Reading …

What are your strengths and weakness, the primary ones that come to mind? I’m sure you guard against letting your weaknesses rule over you. But how vigilant are you in protecting yourself from your strengths? How aware are you that your strengths could be more… Continue Reading …

The gospel connects to every aspect of our lives, regardless if it is things of primary importance or tertiary matters. One of those lesser but valuable loves in all our lives is Christian music, which makes knowing how to connect the gospel to your music… Continue Reading …

Paul had a gospel-centered perspective on personal suffering. In 2 Corinthians 12, we learn that the Lord gave Paul a thorn in the flesh. Though we are unsure what his “thorn” was, Christians generally agree that it was a physical debilitation. I have written on… Continue Reading …

Parental discipline is not just a behavioral interaction between a parent and a child. There are hearts in play, too—the heart of the parent and the child. If the parent does not connect the gospel to his heart, the discipline will not go well, and… Continue Reading …

Connecting the gospel to physical suffering is one of the most essential things you will ever do. The “good news” is always perfect when there is bad news, but how to make those gospel connections are not quickly apparent, especially when your pain is acute… Continue Reading …

How you think about life determines how you practically respond to life. Living in a broken world is hard, chaotic, stressful, and challenging. And if you have a skewed understanding of the doctrines of man, sin, salvation, and the Lord, you will not engage your… Continue Reading …

You can’t come out of the world because you live in the world. This problem means that we need to take decisive actions about how to guard our hearts against the influences of the culture. Some choose legalistic separation, while others love the world too… Continue Reading …

Hold on and brace yourself for these two bold and sobering truths. Today’s sophisticated culture does not accept them, and they may offend you. Everyone is going to hell, and the Lord has set up the agency of humankind to let the whole world know… Continue Reading …

Living in a relationship with someone requires a practical awareness of how to do it well. Each person is on a private and personal journey that is unlike any other, which means there will be times when helping your friends or enemies will be challenging.… Continue Reading …

Have you ever had a good run with the Lord, and then all of a sudden, you were surprised by your lack of faith? Something caught you off guard. It’s one of those “Just when you’re doing well, then, bam, something bad happens” scenarios. I’m… Continue Reading …

What if God is not an American, and His primary concern is not to keep us from having first-world problems? Is it possible that the Lord has other plans than our pursuit of happiness and that He may not be totally on board with our… Continue Reading …

Having two genders is not just a neat way to think about the human family. There are functional and irreplaceable roles for each gender. When it comes to parenting, the dad and mom have unique purposes, practices, and effects on children. In this article, I’m… Continue Reading …

The Christian life is progressive and transforming. To hang with Jesus means to be moving, growing, and changing. It’s a privilege of grace to experience a transformation that leads to maturity, but we’re not all in the same place. There are stages of the Christian… Continue Reading …

There are times in a relationship when winning the argument should not be your first call to action. Jesus talked about turning the other cheek and going the extra mile with some folks. What relationships do you have where it would be a better experience… Continue Reading …

Do you experience regular family worship? How do you all practice it? The Christian family worship experience is not a singular activity but a comprehensive lifestyle that breathes through all aspects of your lives. Will you consider these five essential elements to help you and… Continue Reading …

You have a recurring temptation. It won’t go away. How are you supposed to think about it? What does it mean? A friend asked, “What if I keep getting tempted by the same sin over and over again, and I worry it will eventually win… Continue Reading …

Being right is a tricky thing. Did you know that being right does not always mean you have to communicate what you know to be true? How good are you at discerning when to speak and not to speak as you consider the person who… Continue Reading …

How do you help a teenage son when he does not want your help? You feel him distancing from you and the family, but he won’t communicate with you. Should you relax your expectations? Perhaps a more in-depth question is how is his behavior a… Continue Reading …

Some issues in our lives are more resolvable than we think. Part of the problem is that we focus on the wrong thing, thinking it is the cause of our struggle. Over-complicating our temptations does happen. And though what I’m suggesting sounds simple on the… Continue Reading …

One of the most tedious and mysterious questions you will ever ponder is the tension between God’s role in our lives and our responsibility to respond to Him. Ultimately, the problem is unanswerable in a satisfying way. But an unresolvable conundrum does not mean we… Continue Reading …

To believe in someone or something is part of what it means to be human, and there are many options from which to choose. When you think about all the things that you believe, what is the most vital one? What defines you above everything… Continue Reading …

Everyone is carrying a silent disease in their body. You don’t know it and won’t know it until there is a visible manifestation of it. In some cases, it’s too late. The local church is similar. Sin is a silent killer that can infect an… Continue Reading …

Social media draws from our hearts a mixture of likes and dislikes—all at the same time. We are thankful for these media platforms because of our ability to reach others easily, quickly, and helpfully. We struggle with these platforms because of the many inherent problems.… Continue Reading …

When someone does something that you don’t like, you have several options from which to choose. You can consent to what they said or did and be like them. You could confront and rebuke them. Or you can try to ignore what just happened, which… Continue Reading …

Conviction is one of God’s kindnesses to His creation. In the spiritual realm, the concept of experiencing conviction is analogous to the pain we feel in our physical bodies. Actual guilt that leads to conviction is God’s way of telling us that something is wrong… Continue Reading …

Dear Gay Friend, as you read this or listen to the podcast, I appeal to you to differentiate between my affection for you and my opinion about your life choices. Agreement with your lifestyle choices and love for you are not mutual necessities. Likewise, I… Continue Reading …

Let’s talk about slavery. I’m not speaking about what happens around our world every day or what went on in our country 150 years ago. I’m speaking to Christians who willingly came to Jesus and said, “I want to be your slave.” I’m talking about… Continue Reading …

When my life does not go the way I hoped, it is easy for me to disengage and become discouraged. These are the moments when I must remind myself that when things are not working out the way I hoped, the Lord still loves and… Continue Reading …

Living in hope while resisting the temptation of victimhood can be the hurt person’s most significant struggle. Hope is vital when bad things happen to any of us. Too often, legitimate victims place their hope on the wrong things, even if it’s anger or revenge.… Continue Reading …

Every merciful, loving, and wise parent will not bail out their children every time but let them learn and mature through the difficulties in their lives. Thankfully, the Lord does this, too, so we can learn to rise above our troubles. You may want to… Continue Reading …

Before you go any further in this article, please answer this question. The reason I want you to do this is that your definitions of empathy and sympathy will describe who you are, how you think, and the kind of care you provide for others.… Continue Reading …

When you think about doing ministry, what comes to mind? What thoughts do you have when you hear the words “being missional through ministry.” Two things that should be somewhere near the top of your list are a biblical understanding of missional ministry and where… Continue Reading …

Recently, I had a meeting with a pastor. He wanted to know how he could lead his church more effectively in discipleship. I am going to share with you the fruit of that conversation. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed thinking… Continue Reading …

It is exceptional for a lazy person to be lazy. If you observe their lives, you will see many biblical qualities like intentionality, pre-meditation, work ethic, and imagination. The primary problem is not their laziness, though you may feel that the most. The underlying heart… Continue Reading …

Is your small group living in-depth, transparent, intentional, reciprocating lives who have strong desires to change personally and as a group? Perhaps it’s a men’s group or a community group of ladies. It could be a mixed group that meets to go over the sermon… Continue Reading …

Do you ever feel fear when it comes to the responsibility that comes with counseling people biblically? I teach with much fear and trembling, but not just because I am held accountable. When it comes to counseling people one-on-one, I find it fulfilling yet also… Continue Reading …

Pretend your tongue is a paintbrush, and your heart is a bucket full of paint. You dip your brush into your bucket so you can paint a picture on a canvas for the world to see. The picture that you paint reveals your relationship with… Continue Reading …

One of the downsides of dividing the Bible into chapters and verses is that it can create a principle-driven discipleship methodology. What I mean is that we can turn the Bible into nuggets, snippets, and tips that are not in the context of the passage… Continue Reading …

What are your thoughts about the warnings in the New Testament regarding wolves in sheep’s clothing or about weeds among the wheat? How am I to think about them, as well as respond to them? What is the best approach when dealing with this subject?… Continue Reading …

Physical intimacy in a marriage is a vital assessment of how a couple relates to each other. The challenge is having transparent conversations about their sexual relationship. If left unattended, sexual desires rarely cease but take on distortions that adversely impact the couple. Mable found… Continue Reading …

Navigating a disappointing and painful relationship is something we all have to do. And though you can bounce back quickly from some of these strained relationships, others require more work. In the article, I am responding to a person who went through an unwanted divorce… Continue Reading …

It used to be that everyone identified as a male or female based on objective anatomical evidence at a child’s birth. In the past few decades, what has always been evident to the naked eye is now fluid; it is “to be determined,” based on… Continue Reading …

DISC is one out of hundreds of psychological creations that the non-Christian world has developed to understand themselves. Because everyone has to believe something, it makes sense for our unbelieving counterparts, who reject a sufficiency of Scripture worldview, to create a system of thought that… Continue Reading …

Secondary preferences, at times, can move to primary prominence in some peoples’ minds. When this happens, division comes, and strong opinions prevail. One of the most hotly debated secondary issues in the church, historically speaking, is whether it’s a sin to drink alcohol. When helping… Continue Reading …

The unchanging person is the loving caregiver’s greatest struggle. You love them and want to help them. You pour out your heart for them. But they do not change. Sometimes you push too hard. Other times, you give up. Knowing how to respond to each… Continue Reading …

The time it takes you to ask for forgiveness and feel forgiven while enjoying the freedom of that forgiveness reveals your practical understanding and application of the gospel. For some folks, when they sin, they go through a “worry period” because they have not come… Continue Reading …

What if the special thing you hoped for did not happen? Your dream come true did not come true for you. In those moments of not getting what you want, it’s imperative that you not only see Him, who is invisible, but He must govern… Continue Reading …

Biblical discernment is a huge issue for anyone who wants to care for another person. Anytime you’re discipling someone, you have to make judgment calls about the person you’re helping. There is no way around this truth. All good disciple-makers have to be comfortable with… Continue Reading …

Do you enjoy God? You know, like a good movie or a nice dinner. After a long day, you’re looking for a pleasant escape to something you enjoy. Is God at the top of your “things I enjoy the most” list? My wife was not… Continue Reading …

Everyone has asked God for things. And nobody has gotten all that they asked the Lord to provide. For the unbeliever, the denial of the request will generate disappointment, cynicism, and even anger. For the child of God, temporal disappointment or frustration may come, but… Continue Reading …

Marriage is a marathon, and if you want to do it well, it’s vital that you understand and implement these seven practical keys. If not, it’s likely that hostility will come, and harmony will be a lost dream. There is transformative hope in God’s Word.… Continue Reading …

Fundamentalism is one slice of Christian evangelicalism. In addition to the fundamentals of the faith, fundamentalists typically hold to strict sub-biblical, ascetic practices. Though they love Jesus and are passionate about following Him, many of them embrace legalistic preferences. The negative effect of this kind… Continue Reading …

Lingering regret is an ongoing sadness about a disappointing moment from your past. It is different from temporal sorrow. Temporary sad periods are normal human emotional responses to undesirable circumstances. You may want to read: Eight Practical and Transforming Ways to Think about Your Past… Continue Reading …

Our Mastermind training course is an all-online curriculum that teaches Christians how to grow in their discipleship, and biblical counseling practices. Recently, we had a seasoned educator, who is also a student in our program, provide her assessment and personal experience of our training course.… Continue Reading …

My number one all-time prayer is for the Spirit of God to give me awareness and perception regarding His work in my life and in the world where I live. Each day and throughout my day, this is my prayer. I want to know what… Continue Reading …

No doubt, being a good husband is a good goal. And you can throw in being a good wife too. You could say the same thing for being a good dad, mother, child, employer, employee, or a good friend. All of these roles are important,… Continue Reading …

If you are not able to counsel with tears, you’re not counseling the way Jesus did (Matthew 23:37; John 11:35). Biblical counseling is not as biblical as it needs to be if it does not happen in a context of compassion for the struggling soul.… Continue Reading …

How you answer this question will give you insight into why your life is the way it is. To answer it correctly and live it practically will set the stage for one of the most incredibly adventurous experiences you can have. Are you ready for… Continue Reading …

The more you want someone to change, and the more you are pulling for them to change, the greater the temptation to feel pressure regarding your role in the change process. In such cases, you must know that if a person wants to change, he… Continue Reading …

Everybody suffers. It does not matter who you are. It doesn’t matter who you belong to—the world or God’s family. Suffering is suffering, and nobody is exempt from it. The difference between Christian and non-Christian suffering is how we view and respond to it. When… Continue Reading …

The most satisfying relationship a person can have with another is when they are mutually sharing their personal experiences with God. They cannot be more honest, transparent, humble, vulnerable, courageous, and life-giving. Though you can’t be this way with everyone, it’s vital to have one… Continue Reading …

Telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth is a good goal, but it is not always wise to reveal everything that you know within any relationship. There is a time to be quiet and a time to speak, and you must know the… Continue Reading …

Do you discipline your children? How do you do it? When it comes to corrective care, how does your child experience it? Just as important, what is your motive behind your discipline? Anytime you’re talking about parental discipline, you want to make sure you are… Continue Reading …

When you are about to disciple someone, where do you begin as far as developing a plan for their discipleship care? Your starting point will determine how you will act during the process, as well as how you finish your care of them. You may… Continue Reading …

It is not possible to keep from talking about others behind their backs. But when it happens, how are you to respond? Do you have the courage to lead conversations when the information is negative, or are you more apt to follow along while not… Continue Reading …

You’re helping a friend work through his porn addiction. Where do you begin? What is your starting point? To identify his most significant problem, where would you look? Would you start with what the struggler is viewing? What about the social effect? How about modesty?… Continue Reading …

Each year in the states, we have Black Friday. It is the unofficial kickoff of the Christmas season. If you’re planning to camp out for a good deal, I recommend thinking like a Boy Scout: Be Prepared. Here are eight practical things to know for… Continue Reading …

I have often said, in certain situations, that Biblical counseling is not the best way for sanctification to happen. I’m not throwing Biblical counseling under the bus, but being honest about the change process. Repentance is a gift given, which implies a need to think… Continue Reading …

What does “bear all things” mean when Paul was talking about loving others from the love chapter? Am I supposed to permit or endure others to do what they want to do with me? Is this a “grin and bear it” theology of love? When… Continue Reading …

Have you ever thought about the difference between spending time with God alone versus doing a Bible study? Did you know there is a transformative, relational difference between those two disciplines? Though both of them are vital for your growth, one can be much better… Continue Reading …

How do you stay true to what you believe while not offending those who aren’t willing to get on board with your perspectives? What if you have a weaker brother or sister whom you can’t correct? Does the weakest link in the relationship determine how… Continue Reading …

There are two general categories of people who attend a local church meeting on any given Sunday. Those who sin and admit it and those who sin and are unwilling or tentative about admitting it. Two people groups and one common denominator—we all sin. You… Continue Reading …

The people that you spend the most time trying to help may turn on you quicker than anyone else. Not every individual that you serve will react that way, but a few of them will not be responsive to change and may retaliate against you… Continue Reading …

Overcoming past disappointments is hard enough in itself. But sometimes, our inability to move forward is self-inflicted, as we use our past disappointments to gain acceptance, love, respect, and pity from others. Biff was such a person. Clinging to the past not only gave him… Continue Reading …

Let’s free associate: name a couple of people in your life that you cringe when you think about them. How about the person you would rather not be around? They are a pain in your neck. Do you have at least one in your mind?… Continue Reading …

Do you know of any Christians who do not act like Christians? Are they your friends? How would you help them? A friend asked me this question, and I gave him nine ideas that provided some clarity on how to help those who claim to… Continue Reading …

It is typical for individuals to struggle with fear of man issues, which includes not knowing how to help others who are caught in this sin. This problem has a two-part solution: we must teach on the issue and create contexts so we can help… Continue Reading …

Two people have a similar struggle. Both of them struggle with discouragement because of their ongoing patterns of sin. Rather than seeing sin as an opportunity to lean into God, they are heading farther down the path of frustration and fear. Sinning plus struggling with… Continue Reading …

The backstory is the story behind the story. There is always a backstory to every story. The story that you know is not all there is to what is happening to you. Behind every story, God is mysteriously working. How does not knowing the whole… Continue Reading …

How would people know you if you had no filter on your inner person? How would folks experience the authentic you? We live in a duality: our authentic selves and the person we present to the public. Closing the gap between the two happens when… Continue Reading …

If you read approximately 4.25 chapters a day, you will be able to complete the Word of God in a year. Okay. But the more significant questions are, “How much of that reading is changing you? Is God’s Word transforming you, or are you a… Continue Reading …

A man’s job was never meant to be like the tail wagging the dog. In this illustration, the tail is the job, and the dog is his family. When the job becomes the most significant thing to a man, the family will become a lesser… Continue Reading …

What would it be like if you had to qualify for marriage? What if being a husband or wife was like meeting the qualifications for a high-ranking job? I know it’s silly, and nothing like that would ever happen, but it is something to ponder.… Continue Reading …

You may have a good desire for someone, but if your methods are manipulative and forceful, you will blow up the relationship. Each person is different, and you must understand them before you attempt to help them change. Knowing your audience, whether a spouse, child,… Continue Reading …

Comparing yourself to other people can be a huge blessing when you do it the right way. Of course, that is the key—the correct way. The implication is that you must not choose outward behaviors as the only way for assessing people. If you do,… Continue Reading …

My son is pushing away from my wife. He’s fourteen years old. I’ve noticed a growing embarrassment from him toward his mother. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he hardly responds, only to say it’s weird to be still hanging out with… Continue Reading …

Every time I sin, there is a required response needed. The question is not, “Will I respond to my sin?” but “How will I respond to my sin?” There are four incorrect reactions to sin and one correct one. The right choice will set you… Continue Reading …

“How can I help you?” “We don’t communicate well.” And that is how many counseling sessions begin. The truth of the matter is that they do not have a communication problem. Or to say it better, that is not their primary problem. Rarely does anyone… Continue Reading …

You have a desire that you want another person to meet. That desire does not have to be a bad thing. Desires only become evil when you demand them from others while punishing them for not meeting your expectation. You may want to read: When… Continue Reading …

Volunteering to serve in a local church and within the surrounding community is at the heart of the gospel. Jesus best capsulated the idea of how the gospel connects to serving in Mark 10:45. The non-serving Christian is an oxymoron. You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

The question you never ask anyone is whether something is controlling you. The reason because something or someone is always controlling us. The most independent and autonomous person you know is not as he presents himself to be. You may want to read: 12 Universal… Continue Reading …

God makes children in His image, but parents have a way of reshaping that image by how they treat them. This sad letter from a wayward teenager to her daddy reflects the devastating power of parenting and the reactionary choices that teens can make. You… Continue Reading …

God’s mercy comes to us without conditions but does not proceed without our cooperation. So too, our aid must begin freely, regardless of the recipient’s merits. But our mercy must increasingly demand change, or it is not really love. – Timothy J. Keller, Ministries of… Continue Reading …

All people have a desire for approval and acceptance. When God made us in His image, He also gave us a natural yearning to be part of a community (Genesis 2:18). The problem arises when we try to satisfy our longing for others outside of… Continue Reading …

Every relationship will be a disappointing one to some degree. This truth is unavoidable. The key to living well with others begins by having an attitude of forgiveness toward all offenders. You start developing this mindset by realizing how God extended His mercy to you… Continue Reading …

Sometimes “extending grace” may mean you’re about to get into conflict. Though you should never look for a fight, you should also not be looking for ways to avoid soul care when it is within your competency and influence to help someone who is struggling.… Continue Reading …

A husband and wife are not just two people within the marriage. Yes, they have independent relationships with the Lord and with other people, but they are also one flesh. Like our blessed Trinity, there is perfect oneness that unites the three Persons. You may… Continue Reading …

In the news this week are reports concerning a scientific study spanning two decades that allegedly proves that homosexuality is not genetic. There is no single gene in the human genome, so the articles go, that causes homosexuality. But this story is not news, as scientists… Continue Reading …

There are not many things that will happen to a person more perplexing and painful than finding out that your spouse committed adultery. How do you survive? You may want to read: From Adultery to Restoration in Thirteen Steps We Fornicated While Dating, But Why… Continue Reading …

When you move the gospel from your functional center and replace it with other interests, even biblical things like “serving the Lord,” you will begin to grow in discontentment. And along with your restlessness will bring the temptation to satisfy your God-given longings through human-centered means.… Continue Reading …

I was counseling a teen who said to me, “Mr. Thomas, you don’t wear Walmart to high school.” It was great! In his simple way, he clearly articulated what every human on the planet feels. He’s insecure, and he’s willing to give up his life… Continue Reading …

When the weight of your sin weighs you down, you must make sure that you understand which sin you have in view. I’m speaking of the most significant problem. Typically, people struggle more with what they can see but don’t discern how the hidden motives… Continue Reading …

Last week, millions of people worldwide enjoyed the blue-ray release of the movie Avengers: Endgame, and like almost every other movie, there existed an underlying philosophy beyond the storyline. I saw Endgame with my children, and immediately after the movie, we sat down to talk about the… Continue Reading …

How much power should a parachurch organization have over a local church? Should a local church submit to a parachurch organization? When your parachurch ministry is interfering with a local church, where will you stand—with your ministry or the church? You may want to read:… Continue Reading …

Mailbag – I was wondering if God treats His people the same way regarding giving “blessing for obedience” in the new covenant. It seems all over the Old Testament—if God’s people obey, they receive a blessing; if they don’t obey, they receive discipline. Does God still treat us… Continue Reading …

Suffering is the expected, ordinary life for Christians living as aliens in a fallen world. God knew this, which is why He equipped us to live as victors when engaging the realities of fallenness. “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain… Continue Reading …

You were in a horrible pit of sin. The Lord passed by, saw you, and lifted you out of your hopelessness. He left you better off than when He found you. His actions toward you gave you a goal in life: to imitate His gospel… Continue Reading …

Generally speaking, there are two types of dads. One sees his job in a 9 to 5 construct. The other father sees himself as a full-time, 24/7 dad who provides spiritually and physically for his wife and children. Are you a part-time dad or a… Continue Reading …

The fact any person would listen to me boggles my mind. I am a nobody who struggles like everybody, and when anybody pays attention to what I say, it is sobering, and I am cautious. There is a profound responsibility for all of us to… Continue Reading …

There are two parts to every crisis: what is happening to you in real time and space, and what is spiritually happening to you as the Father matures you through the trial.  You may want to read: I Trusted God, and My Life Fell… Continue Reading …

To fear God is not to be afraid of Him but to be drawn into ever-growing awe, amazement, and wonder as you think about and relate to Him. The love of our heavenly Father is extraordinary, though it’s not always a child’s first experience with… Continue Reading …

Who are your friends? How do they help you mature in Christ? What contexts have you created that help you pursue Christ together? Take a look at this verse about the importance of companions. You may want to read: The Benefit of Being Intentionally Intrusive… Continue Reading …